Click here.  (Not you, Momma.)

There are certain rules in Texas.  One of them is:  Do not pick on somebody’s favorite crazy old uncle.  That just ain’t good manners.  Crazy old uncles are a protected species in Texas.

Even though this is the first time they’ve ever met (no, seriously, that’s true), Rick Perry did not display Texas brotherhood to Ron Paul.  More pictures have come out.  Here’s the other one.

Notice that Perry is grabbing his arm.  Notice the finger in his face.

This is a true story.  I have witnesses.  Years ago, we had a crooked district court judge around here.  I began writing about him in the newspaper.  He was a large man and I weighed all of 110 pounds at the time.  He cornered me in front of a crowd at the courthouse and began talking at me through clinched teeth with a finger shaking in my face.   I was scared.  I looked at that finger in my face and the devil made me reach out and bite it.  Hard.  And not let go.  He wet his pants.  No, really.  He wet his pants.  It shocked him so badly that he wet his pants.  So did three or four people just watching it.  There is a happy ending to this story:  Nobody in this town has ever shook their finger in my face since then.  Most of them think I’m crazy and I do not give them any proper reason to dissuade them from that belief.

I’m sending Ron Paul a letter today that says, “Ayn Rand would bite his finger.”

I would pay cash American money to watch Rick Perry wet his pants.  And you know you would, too.

There’s not a grand jury in this entire state who would  indict a man for biting a finger being shook in his face.  Not a one.

Thanks to Janette for the heads-up.

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President Barack Obama is coming to your neighborhood. There are bridges that are unsafe across this country and he needs to stand on each one of them and give this speech.

Confession: I am a non-violent person, but God help me, I wanted to stand in front of John Boehner, put my tongue between my closed lips and blow very hard. That smug son of a motherless goat needs to go!

Rick Perry’s lies and slams from last night will haunt him for a long time as real reporters jump all over it.

First, his idea that El Paso isn’t safe. He said —

For the President of the United States to go to El Paso, Texas, and say that the border is safer than it’s ever been, either he has some of the poorest intel of a president in the history of this country, or he was an ABJECT LIAR to the American people. It is not safe on that border.

In fact, El Paso is the safest city in America with a population of over 500,000 people.  In the whole damn country.

The County Judge reacted by saying, “It’s incredibly frustrating to have the governor of our state use the national stage to denigrate our community,” El Paso County Judge Veronica Escobar said. “We are not unsafe. Every time he says that, it hurts us.”

Be careful  tossing around terms like “abject liar,” Rick.

And then there’s Perry claim that it’s “The Feds” fault that Texans don’t have health insurance.”  Actually, if that’s true, it’s Bush’s fault.

Specifically, the Bush administration rejected an application by Texas in 2008 for a Medicaid waiver, because the application was “incomplete and riddled with problems.” Apparently, the state hasn’t resubmitted the waiver request.

Or, maybe it is Perry’s fault for submitting incomplete applications?

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There’s only a hair width of distance between an abject liar and an idiot liar.  Perry has nailed both.

Of all the insanity in last night’s Republican Presidential (you gotta be kiddin’) Debate, Juanita loved Rick Perry defending his anti-science stance by saying, “Galileo was outvoted for a while,” best of all.

Ah, sweet, precious, refreshing, creamy, absorbent, new and improved, dye-free, organic, crispy, heavy duty, homemade irony.

Juanita owns a complete set of Galileo Trading Cards and action figures.  She flat loves Galileo, mainly because he stood up to Rick Perry’s genetic line.

Galileo Faces Rick Perry

Galileo was placed under house arrest for the entire last part of his life by the church, who had told him that he could neither “hold or defend” the idea that the Earth moves and the Sun stands still at the center, called heliocentrism in case you’re ever on Jeopardy.

The church, it seems, held on to the belief that the sun revolves around the earth because, darn it, that’s what the Bible says.  Galileo was  “vehemently suspect of heresy” and told to recant and deny his theory or else he couldn’t publish his ideas anymore.

Galileo agreed to recant in exchange for being allowed to continue to think and publish.  Popular theory says that as he left the room after saying the earth is the center of the universe and stands still as the sun revolves around it, he muttered, “Eppur Si Muove,” which translated means, “Yet it moves.”  That probably didn’t happen.  He probably just thought of that after he got home and wished that was what he said.

However, Eppur Si Muove is a great line to have in case you ever have to give up when arguing with a Republican because they could jump start a nuclear submarine with their stupid alone.

So, with irony that could choke a water buffalo, Rick Perry forgot which side he was on in the Galileo fight.  His people were part of the Inquisition.   And they are tan, rested, pissed off, and ready to take control again.