We knew they were in cahoots – the Communist Chinese and the Texas Republican Party, but it took Lt. Governor David Dewhurst to find the infiltrator.

It’s Ted Cruz, who is running against Dewhurst for the open Senate seat in 2012.  Ha!  Ain’t that a coincidence?

Dewhurst has been sending out emails practically claiming that Cruz’s middle name is Mao.

Cruz’s camp sent us the two emails from Dewhurst’s camp. One was headlined “Red Ted Cruz shows his true colors, consistently stands with China against American interests” and signed by Steven Cheung of Dewhurst’s campaign. The email points out that Cruz opposes legislation offered in Congress to penalize China for propping up its currency. The email closes: “At a time when millions of Americans are without jobs, why does Ted Cruz consistently put the needs of China before America?”

He probably just used Red Ted because Republicans don’t know who Mao Tse-tung is.

Mao

Red Ted

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You have to admit that the resemblance is astounding.

On the other hand, so is this.

Almost David Dewhurst

David Dewhurst

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Okay, so it appears that the Republican Party of Florida misspent half a million dollars and then fired the whistle-blower who tried to report it.  She sued.  Today, they settled with her in a secret deal but it appears that was just the first speed bump on the Greed Highway.

It’s still not over —

[Former Florida GOP State Party Chair] Greer was arrested last year and charged with steering money to a shell company he controlled. Greer, who has pleaded not guilty, is awaiting trial. On Friday, he filed his own lawsuit against the party, asking for $5 million in damages.

There’s nothing more fun to watch than a mess of Republicans stealing out of each others pockets.  Throw in a lawyer or two and you got yourself a LasVegas dog and pony show.

Most of you have met my friend  Bob before.  He’s one of the funniest guys I know and, luckily, lives across the river from me.

Bob has started a new enterprise.  He’s an artistic fella.  His site is called TeeRant.com

He has some dandies in stock and ready to go.  Like this one about Rick Perry.

Or this general purpose use tee in case you want to occupy Wall Street or your local bank.

More are on the way.  You can scroll to the bottom of almost any page and sign up for his newsletter which will let you know when he has new shirts and stuff.  You can trust Bob, he won’t send you too much email or anything that even hints of conservatism.

I’m getting me that Rick Perry for Sheriff shirt.  I am.

Joe the Plumber, whose name is not Joe and he’s not a plumber, is going to run for Congress.

He’s running as a Republican in Ohio’s 9th district, a heavily Democratic district.  So, this whole thing is more fun than fear.

But, it has brought up something interesting.  Thelma has wanted to run for congress for a long time, but Thelma, the Texas Chainsaw Manicurist just doesn’t look right on a political sign.  So, she was pondering on getting a name for herself like Joe did – like maybe,  Madison the Nobel Prize Winning Economist or Sheena the Queen of the Jungle.

Hell, it’s better than Sarah the Quitter or Mitt the Flipper or Rick the Oh, Damn, He’s Dumb.

There ain’t no hoochy-koochy in Texas among teenagers.  We have the least sparkin’ teenagers in the whole damn United States of America.  That’s why our Attorney General, Greg Abbott, once again refused to file for a federal grant to fund sex education for teenagers.  We don’t need it.  Our teenagers are all virgins.

Which is prettty damn amazing considering that we have the highest teenager birth rate in the country.  Obviously, they’re getting pregnant from public toilet seats.  We don’t have a sex problem.  We have a public toilet seat problem.

The Super DeLux Brand Steeple People believe that if you educate teenagers about sex, they’ll have some.  However, if you don’t tell them about sex, they’ll never, ever figure out how that telephone pole got into the ground.

Teen pregnancies are costing Texas taxpayers one billion dollars a year.  You’d think that the rightwing would hate the money part more than they hate the sex part.

Juanita thinks they don’t want sex education because then they’ll find out that they’ve been doing it wrong.

Thanks to MaryK for the heads up.

We here in Texas are not just against marijuana, were are damn tootin’ dead solid perfect against marijuana.

Texas’s own Republican Congresscreep Lamar Smith, who represents a district that goes from outside of Austin and San Antonio all the way to Leakey, has wiggled his way into getting the House Judiciary Committee to pass his bill that would make US Law global.

The Dude Looks High To Me

The new law would make it a federal crime to plan activities on foreign land that would violate the federal Controlled Substances Act (CSA) even if the activities are legal in that country. To put it simply, if you are an American citizen and you smoke marijuana in a country where it is legal, you would be arrested when you return. It gets worse, you could be arrested for even talking about smoking marijuana in a nation where it is legal.

So, in some cases, it appears that they can arrest you for even thinking about smoking pot on vacation, because Lamar Smith has control of your butt no matter where you are.  You know how when you’re in the shower and you start thinking about smoking some dope when you go to Jamaica next summer and then suddenly the shower has a blast of very cold water?  Lamar Smith.

I am not saying that this deal isn’t a gasket blower on the weird meter, but it gets even weirder.

Lamar Smith is chairman of the House Judiciary Committee.   Chairman.  He’s the damn chairman.  He thinks he’s the lizard king, thinks ZZ Top has given him the keys to the Magic Hot Rod, and has been transfused with some of Charlie Sheen’s tiger blood.

As my friend Nancy says, “Making Lamar Smith chairman of the Judiciary Committee is  like making Michelle Bachmann chairman of the House Intelligence Committee.”  Neither of them have the required neuron synapses going on.

Hey Lamar, kiss my butt.  I’m thinking about getting on Willie’s tour bus and …. omg, Lamar Smith, protector of the world, just parachuted into my study with a district court order, three Navajo Code Talkers, and a predator mind drone.

Thanks to Nancy for the heads up.