Rick Perry is all in a tither about lobbyists (he mean Newt Gingrich, of course) who determine out laws.

“Legal corruption,” he calls it. As president, he’d outlaw it.

It’s a forehead-slap-inducing declaration, coming from a man whose political career has thrived from the symbiotic relationship he’s nurtured with powerful former lawmakers-turned-lobbyists. Perry owes his longevity in office to his willingness to cede power to lobbyists, who in turn, tap special interest groups for campaign contributions.

“No blacker pot every called a kettle black,” says Craig McDonald, executive director of Texans for Public Justice, which tracks political money in Texas. “He’s the kingpin of legal corruption.”

Next thing you know he’s going to want to outlaw forgetting things in a debate, pandering to the steeple people, and dressing like Dale Evans.

Ole Rick’s playing basketball in a mine field with comments about legal corruption.  There he was on stage flapping his elbows like a rooster in love with his own voice while really making a damfool of himself.  Yep – he’s the Don Corleone of legal corruption.

I need to apologize to Little Bubba.

When Little Bubba went to college, he wanted to major in history. I told him that was a bad idea because when you look in the want ads, you rarely see “Wanted: Historian.”

Little did I know that historians can make millions of dollars of taxpayer money by offering history lessons to governmental agencies. Newt has opened a whole new occupation. “Historian” is now the cover word for “lobbyist.”  You know, kinda like “hiking the Appalachian trial” is the cover word for “boinking  my mistress.”

Little Bubba went to law school. Now Newt tells us that lawyers don’t know diddle squat.

I apologize to Little Bubba.  Go back to school and get a degree in history.  Apparently, there’s an excellent job market for that now.

It is 8:00 on Thursday night and I am watching the GOP debate.

When the first question is Who can beat Obama because that’s the most important thing to Republicans? You know this is going to be a bashfest.

Also, this crowd is rabid so no telling what they’ll applaud. I’ll update this as the spirit moves me.

Did Rick Perry just say that he wants to “get it on” with Barack Obama? Maybe not the best word choice with today’s Perry news. Momma, do NOT click that link.

I think Michele Bachman’s stylist tonight was Evans Mortuary.

Okay, somebody needs to tell Rick Perry that making Congress like the Texas Lege means all of the country would have to be in last place. Look, fool, you either believe in the constitution or you want to rewrite it. You can’t have both, crazy pants.

Good Lord, Perry looked at Cavuto like he was asking his question in Greek. Maybe he was just trying to stay awake.

Am I the only person in America who snickers every time Newt uses the word “intellect?” What a silly boy.

Today’s award goes to Mitt Romney.

Romney adopted the phrase Keep America American, which is kinda nuts on it’s face because what else would America be?  Icelandic?  To me, it’s kinda like saying, Keep Meat Meaty.

But, there’s a deeper meaning than that.  That same exact phrase was used by the KKK when they didn’t think blacks were …. well, you know … people.

When the white supremacist group used “Keep America American,” it was to rally people against blacks American, gay people, Catholics and Jews. When Romney’s used it, as he did in this Los Angeles Times piece, it was to promise that as president he would “keep America American with the principles that made us the greatest nation on Earth.”

And those principles would be?  Diversity?  Tolerance?  Playing fairly?

Nah, probably not.

Glen Maxey’s book of his adventures tracking down rumors about Rick Perry and hoochy koochy with gay men is finally out.

I’ve read it because I’m doing an interview with Maxey for the cover story of a Houston magazine, and my deadline is tomorrow.  Glen Maxey was the first openly gay person to be elected to the Texas Legislature and his integrity is unimpeachable.  “Head Figure Head” is a fun read and a tad suspenseful, too.  It’s not only a tale of Glen’s investigative skills but also of his dealings with a national news source where the story was eventually killed at the absolute highest level at the absolutely most critical time.

I’ve known Glen for almost 20 years and he taught me everything I know about politics.

Is Rick Perry gay?  I’ll let Glen answer that.

Throughout this story, I’ve been careful to refer to Perry’s activities as homosexual or same-sex, never “gay.” That’s because as far as I’m concerned, Rick Perry isn’t gay. He’s a man who has sexual encounters with other men. Those men predominantly identify themselves as gay. But Rick Perry is not, as far as I am concerned, gay.

Being gay is much more than just sex. Being gay is having an emotional relationship with a member of the same sex.

There’s your answer.

Glen’s book is only on Kindle for now – and you can put Kindle on your iPad for free – but the paperback will be out next week.