I’m leaving for the Democratic National Convention this week.  Have I mentioned that I’m a delegate?  Elected, mind you.  By people in 21 of the best counties in Texas.

Ole Bubba and I are driving there so we can stop at the Clinton Library, eat barbeque in Memphis and drive through the Smokey Mountains.  We are driving back through New Orleans.  Yes, my friends, it is a party.

I will post as I have time.  I will even try to post from my iPhone so you can see pictures from the convention.  If you’re really anxious to see what I’m wearing and all, you can LIKE Juanita Jean’s Facebook page by clicking right here.  This is my first try at this so I’m not promising perfection.  Well, except in eye shadow colors.  I am pretty prefect at that.

While I’m gone, I’m going to let the hired help write the website.  You will see postings from TexasEllen, KellyBee, Sam Formerly From Pearland now from Kyle, Don A., Barb in DC, and Da Chipster.  They have promised to keep it clean, but I know them all and they do have a tendency to get drunk, nakkid and swing from the rafters.

Y’all try to be good while I’m outta here and don’t forget that Miss Marsha will be tending the house and Truman while I’m gone.  She’s a retired parole officer and clips coupons for ammo.  Do not mess with her.

A member of the GOP Executive Committee sent an email to New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez’s staff informing them that Governor Martinez’s meeting with a group of American Indians “dishonored” Gen. George Armstrong Custer, the 19th century commander who killed scores of American Indians.

Republican National Committee leader Pat Rogers had himself a snot nosed walleyed hissy fit because the Governor of a state met with actual American Indians.  I’d hate to think what he’d have done if she met with some Germans.

“The state is going to hell,” Rogers, who is a member of the GOP executive committee and is currently in Tampa for the RNC convention …..

There’s a cool coincidence because so are you, Pat Rogers.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

There’s a Republican member of the Maryland House named Donald Dwyer who is adamantly anti-gay.

Dwyer: Gays are not only icky; they are liars.

Earlier this year, during a debate on the state’s same-sex marriage bill, Dwyer told fellow lawmakers that the legalization of nuptials for gays and lesbians in Massachusetts in 2004 indoctrinated the state’s public school students on homosexuality. He also told a legislative committee that any state delegate that testified in favor of the bill should be “arrested for perjury” because saying that gay people deserve equality “is a lie and they know it.”

I do not know how Donald Dwyer knows that gays are lying about deserving to be equal, but I do know that it hurts my head to think about it.  I mean, how could he know that they’re lying, unless ……

He even wanted to impeach the Maryland Attorney General for recognizing same-sex marriages performed in other states.

You know what’s coming next, right?

So now you’re asking yourself, so what did he do, Juanita?

Well, honey, he got double drunk in a boat with another man and slammed his boat into a family of boaters, sending seven people to the hospital.  None of the injuries are life threatening.

Dwyer admitted that he was double drunk.

Dwyer could face several criminal charges if police blood tests confirm his blood alcohol content was 0.2. In addition, Maryland law stipulates that a legislator convicted of a felony crime or a crime of “moral turpitude” must relinquish his or her seat.

Moral turpitude.

Honey, all hens come home to roost eventually.

Thanks to Kathleen for the heads up.

So there’s this play called “The Bible: Complete Word of God, Abridged” and you could perform it at the Ladies Quilting Society in the basement of the Lutheran Church.  It’s not sacrilegious.  It’s funny.

One joke from the play – and it’s the dirtiest one.

For instance, it has Moses coming down from the mountain, saying, “Children of Israel, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is I talked Him down to 10. The bad news is adultery is still one of them.”

But, we all know that the rightwing have all had a humorectomy – especially when it comes to laughing at themselves.  So, there shall be no laughter.

Eliason: Knows Youth. Misses It.

A play that has been performed for 17 years, including at the Kennedy Center and hundreds of churches across the county is now banned in Wisconsin state parks.  Some 76 year old damfool with a cheap toupee named Vic Eliason had a hissy fit. “Eliason is an evangelical clergyman in Milwaukee who runs the VCY (Voices of Christian Youth) America Radio Network.”  Not for a million dollars would I trust this guy around my kids.

But Vic gets all his listeners to literally harass everybody on the board of the group who puts on this show.

Eliason also gave out the phone numbers of the DNR’s top two officials and told listeners to ask them why the state was allowing this play to go on, and why it was profiting from it. (The agreement with SummerStage and the Lapham Peak State Park is that 5 percent of ticket sales go to the park, Eliason said.)

Yes, harassment is a Christian value.

But, of course, this is the part of the story you’ve been expecting —

Eliason admits he never saw the play or read the script. “Sir, let me tell you this: I saw enough of the trailers alone to turn my stomach,” he said. The trailer he broadcast on August 9 ran the joke about Moses and the Ten Commandments. Eliason prefaced it by saying: “I almost hesitate to play these words on a Christian station.”

Dude, you are 76 years old with a bad toupee.  Hang it up – you need to let go of this whole youth thing.  Go sit on the porch and throw rocks at little children.

Thanks to Kathleen for the heads up.

In case you haven’t heard, the Democratic National Convention is going to be like, well, you know, the Nazis.

American Family Association spokesman Bryan Fischer on Focal Point today scolded the Democratic Party for promoting pro-choice speakers for the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, saying that the convention has turned into a “three day death camp.” After quoting HotAir blogger Ed Morrissey who called the DNC “abortion-palooza,” Fischer said the DNC will be a “three day Auschwitz.”

It delights me to say that most delegates will be there five days, not three, and it is our sole goal to make the Nazis look like a bunch of Quakers.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Rush Limbaugh must have some very good spies.  He always seems to catch us at our liberal conspiracies.  You know, like the time he said that The Dark Knight Rises is an anti-Romney conspiracy.  And then there’s that whole UN troop thing.

And he caught us again.  Speaking of the hurricane about to hit Tampa, Rush let the cat out of the bag.

I can see Obama sending FEMA in in advance of the hurricane hitting Tampa so that the Republican convention is nothing but a bunch of tents in Tampa, a bunch of RVs and stuff. Make it look like a disaster area before the hurricane even hits there.

Oh Rush, Honey Dumplin’, we don’t need tents and RV’s to make Tampa look like a disaster area – we have Paul Ryan and Todd Akin already doing that for us.

And, oh, by the way, Chubby Hubby, do you think Obama might do a better job of disaster relief with Issac than Bush did with Katrina?  You better hope so, Bud.

Thanks to Robert for the heads-up.