Bubba thinks they should self-deport.

Thanks to Mike for the Heads Up.

He is now officially against Texas seceding from the union.

I think Mitt handed over the Official Republican Flip Flops to Rick.

First Rick was for it, now he’s against it, because there was that whole “How can you be President of the United States if you don’t believe in the United States?” question when he did run for two weeks.

So, ole Rick is back to lovin’ America and not wanting to secede, which is where he’ll stay until he flubs the first Presidential debate or the United States Supreme Court says Texas falls under the jurisdiction of the Constitution of the United Damn States of America.

Oh great, now it is humping heaven at the Pentagon.

I now know more than I ever wanted to know about military affairs.  Good Lord, why  don’t they just go skinny dippin’ with snappin’ turtles over there?  It would be just about as exciting and a lot less dangerous.

The second woman involved, Jill Kelley, has been described as “an unpaid social liaison at MacDill Air Force Base.”  Is that the new description of a crack whore?  Unpaid social liaison?   Hell, Thelma says when she social liaisons, she gets paid darn well for it.

And here’s the worst part …

The official said 20,000 to 30,000 pages of emails and other documents from Allen’s communications with Kelley between 2010 and 2012 are under review. He would not say whether they involved sexual matters or whether they are thought to include unauthorized disclosures of classified information. He said he did not know whether Petraeus is mentioned in the emails.

Those old goat white Republican men in Congress will insist on reading all 30,000 pages – okay, even I admit that steps over the obsession line by maybe 70 or 80 miles – and get all quivery with outrage.

This is only the first day and I am doing loads of heavy sighing already.  Can somebody come up for a euphemism for this tawdry mess so I don’t have to keep saying sex that ain’t your bidness?

Y’all, my friend Carol says that Faux News should give this to the guy with the most experience in handling this sort of thing,  Geraldo.

Arizona politics is entering the world stage of poopieheads.

Holly Soloman, who is 28, takes her politics pretty darn seriously.  So seriously that when she discovered  her husband didn’t vote last Tuesday, she took that  whole retribution thing out of God’s and Karl Rove’s hands and did what a girl’s gotta do.

Witnesses told police they heard yelling and saw Solomon get into a Jeep SUV and chase her husband through the parking lot. He eventually stood behind a light pole while Solomon drove around the pole numerous times while yelling, police said.

The husband attempted to flee, probably because climbing light poles is harder than it looks.  That gave Holly her opportunity to make a political statement by running his butt over because, as she explained to the police, she “believes that her family will face hardship under another term under President Barack Obama.”

However, thanks to Obamacare, her husband will fare a little better.

I know what you’re thinking.  But, police reports confirm that Holly was stone cold sober, and it is rumored that she has applied for Grover Norquist’s job.

Thanks to Wayne and Texas Ellen for the heads up.

Callista Gingrich went on The View with her helmet and Newt and talked about General Petraeus’ affair.

Seriously.

Girl, what is wrong with you?

“I think it’s personally very sad for he and his family,” Callista Gingrich told ABC’s Barbara Walters on Monday. “I think he did the right thing by resigning. But this is painful and they’ll have to work together through this as a family. And that will take some time.”

Oh no, you di’int say that, Callista.  How would you know about pain for the family?  You’re a carrier, Girl, not a victim.

Is that hair like a tin foil hat or something so that reality waves don’t get in?

On Bill Maher last Friday night, James Carville said ….

“Sometimes in the south people will say, ‘In order to get that boy’s attention sometimes you’ve gotta hit him upside the head with a 2×4.’

The sound you heard on election night was pine on skull.”

However, what Carville didn’t take into consideration that some people’s skulls are so hard that you could turn them upside down and use them for a rock crusher.

Grover Norquist was on CBS News this morning to prove that he is pine immune.  He claims that Obama won because he called Romney a “poopie head.”

Thank you, Sweet Jesus, that this man isn’t holding reins on the Presidency.  And Norah O’Donnell, thank you for her, too.