Texas Senator Ted Cruz had himself an attention sucking weekend.  In Cruz’s book, that qualifies as pole dancin’ at Dirty Larry’s Strip Club.  The boy is an exhibitionist.

Used to be in Texas, we hid our crazy uncles in the attic.  Now we elect them to congress.

First off, he’s making headlines about being a  Proud Wacko Bird.  He’s unnaturally pleased about John McCain labeling him a wacko bird because people will actually go to a zoo to see a wacko bird and most folks won’t cross the street to see John McCain.  Ted Cruz does not care if you come to watch him in a cage throwing poop, just so long you come.

And then according to the Dallas Morning News (a place where alert is a dirty word) Cruz is “launching” his idea to abolish the IRS.

Ted went to New York City last weekend to push his idea.  It should be noted that Rick Perry was already there, which raises the IQ level of both states by 30 or 40 points.

Ted was shocked, shocked I tell you, to find that tax experts called him “confused.”  Honey, I’m not a tax expert but I know for a fact that Ted Cruz rarely knows if he’s getting up or going to bed.

It seems that he wants either a 23% sales tax, a postcard or some damn thing, or to just let Rick Perry be king and him be prince.  He also wants taxpayers to “self-report earnings, major deductions and how much they owe.”  Oh yeah, because everybody is so damn honest. He also favors a flat tax.

Here ya go —

Billionaire businessman Steve Forbes built his 2000 presidential bid around a flat tax. Rick Perry advocated a flat tax when he ran for president last year. Dick Armey, the former House majority leader from suburban Dallas, has long pushed a flat tax, as does FreedomWorks, the tea party group he founded.

Boy Howdy, that idea sure is popular.  Hell, even FreedomWorks fired Armey.

Keep it up, Cruz, keep it up.

And by the way, if you see Ted, tell him he’s going to bed.  He won’t know.

Thanks to Larry for the heads up.

Deb T sent us something delightful.

NSA Surveillance as seen through Children’s Books.

Enjoy.

At a time when many cities are doing gun buyback programs, Texas ain’t having that crap.

Hell, we are giving those suckers away!

Strain’s northwest Houston community of Oak Forest is the first neighborhood in the country being trained and equipped by the Armed Citizen Project, a Houston nonprofit that is giving away free shotguns to single women and residents of neighborhoods with high crime rates.

Residents of Oak Forest say their neighborhood, made up of older one-story houses and a growing number of new townhomes, has experienced a recent rash of driveway robberies and home burglaries.

So, here’s the deal.  This neighborhood has had a rash of driveway robberies.  Most driveway robbers are very uncooperative with allowing you to open the trunk and get your shotgun.  And, as anyone knows, toting a loaded and unlocked  shotgun when you exit the driver’s seat of your car is an entertaining circus trick.  The would-be robber will be so taken with you trying to exit your vehicle while untangling your shotgun from the steering wheel and bashing it against the side of the door that they will leave in gales of laughter figuring anybody that stupid ain’t gonna have any money. And, in that way, this program would probably be effective.

The only way I see a shotgun possibly working in a driveway robbery is that you have someone riding … well, shotgun.  Oh Lord, bless us, we’re back to stage coaches.

By definition, most burglaries mean that nobody is at home.  If somebody is at home, it’s generally a robbery.  So, unless you have trained the dog or your sofa to use a shotgun, you’re gonna save plenty on ammo.

The biggest problem with this plan is the Yahoo! factor.  People with shotguns are more apt to take risks.  They are during so damn anxious to be the Rifleman that they will more than likely shoot a neighbor’s uncle coming out to help carry in the groceries.

Free shotguns!  What could possibly go wrong?

Thanks to Lorraine in Spring for the heads up.

Y’all, I’m headed off to the Texas Senate Redistricting Hearings today in Houston.  They say some Republicans are gong to speak and you know me, I cannot miss stoopid.

So, here’s some entertaining from one of my other jobs.  Hope you enjoy it.

Meanwhile, feel free to talk about whatever you want to talk about.  I’ll check in every now and then to approve comments, but not when a Republican is speaking.  You have to keep both eyes on them to duck the idiocy if it comes loose.

UPDATE:  Look, I know this whole hearing thing is a dog and pony show and meant solely to create a record for Democrats to take court, but the Republican senators didn’t even make a show of listening.  Most of them had left before the hearing was half over.  Luckily, I got a picture of Senator Dan Patrick defending his precious maps during the first part of the hearing, wearing his usual smug face.

The speakers were 50 – 1 against the GOP maps.  Now all this stuff is more complicated than Chinese algebra using Roman numerals.  These maps are bouncing around between about three different courts, the Legislature, and a Texas Attorney General who believes that the War of Northern Aggression ain’t over yet.

I heard only three speakers who favor the maps.  One of them accused people of color of being racists because they would like the opportunity to be represented by a person of color.  This fella believed that white men can represent anyone just fine and if you don’t believe that, you’re a racist.

He’s missing the point.  Minorities are not asking for new minority districts that would insure that a minority is elected.  They simply want the opportunity for a minority to win.  Under current maps, districts are set up so that only a minority can win or only a white person can win.

Here’s an example.  My state rep Rick Miller.  His district was created not for merely a white Republican to win, but for Rick Miller to win.  His predecessor wanted Miller to win so he fixed to maps to make it happen.  Miller’s district looks like an octopus on crack.

It was so damn silly that two streets were cut out of his district to eliminate a popular minority female who wanted to run against him.  They kept her from running by putting her in a safely Democratic district.  To do this, my town, the county seat!, was sliced down the middle.  The district was drawn to eliminate his enemies and protect his friends.

Rick Miller

He’s a damn thug.  A normal drawing of the boundaries would have made it a coalition district – meaning that blacks, Latino, and Asians would together comprise a small majority.  It doesn’t promise any of them the district, but it gives them a chance – a chance that Rick Miller was too chicken to take.

The upside is that this is Tom DeLay’s old district.  I would like to warn Miller than the last man who tried to play cute with redistricting ended up on Dancing with the Stars looking like a damfool as a convicted felon.  From what I’ve seen on Miller’s life, this would be an improvement.

My county has four state rep districts and at one time or another, I have lived in three of them.  I haven’t move since Elvis died.  Heck, I was in all three just during this redistricting process.

Decades ago, before Tom DeLay, redistricting in Texas was decided by a bunch of independent nerds who sat in backrooms and decided boundaries based on fairness and population, not by politics. Those were truly the good ole days.

This is gonna freak out some male readers, but here goes.

I got a call from a  friend today who says that she has had it had it had it with all these conservative white guys screaming about losing their freedoms and their liberty.

La de freekin’ da.

Until white men stop convening panels of all white men – none of them doctors – to discuss women’s health then shove it.  Until white men get to decide if a doctor can stick a sonogram tool in my whoha without my permission, then shove it.

I ain’t all that pro-wiretapping and collecting DNA, but, dammit, your phone call is not as private as my vagina.  So, maybe, just maybe Lady Karma is working her magic.

I just needed to get that off my chest before the weekend.

Thanks to Stephanie for the heads up.

Okay, so this has nothing to do with politics or the cosmetology business.

It has something to do with Holy-crap-and-I-thought-I-was addicted-to-gadgets or Signs-you-have-too-much-money.

It’s a Roomba for your iPad.  Or your iPhone.  And if you’re the thrifty sort, through the miracle of modern science it can do both.

No, no, no.  I am not making this up.  It’s on the Internet.

If you simply don’t have time to clean you iPad, this handy $30 plus tax, shipping, and two double AA batteries will save you hours of spitting on your iPhone screen and wiping it on the back of your pants.

Ain’t science grand?