(I’m working on it.  Please feel free to add.)

10.  Your TIVO is recording you.

9.  During dinner at a nice restaurant, your potato distinctly says, “Speak up, please.”

8.  You have more vans parked in front of your house than a 1960s Janis Joplin concert.

7.  When pest control comes to your house, they find real bugs.

6.  Your cat keeps pooping tiny microphones.

5.  The Onstar lady starts inquiring as to WHY you want to go to 764 Elm Street, who lives there and when you plan on coming home.

4. The black car following you  has the license plate IRS LUV

3. The Secretary of State calls your name on national tv for your “relations” with Thai’s Message Parlor.

2. The President uses your toast at Bob’s wedding in the State of the Union address.

1.  Your dropped cell phone calls make an actual crashing sound.

Fox News is right up there with the average persimmon when it comes to IQ points – from either its viewers or commentators.  That works out real nice in Foxville.

Today they have an interesting theory about George Zimmerman.

Fox News host Gregg Jarrett says that George Zimmerman “has already been punished” for the killing of Trayvon Martin because he “looks like he’s put on a hundred pounds.”

“He does look like a different guy,” Jarrett remarked. “It looks like he’s put on a hundred pounds. Look, he has been in hiding and he fears for his life, and there have been all kinds of death threats. And, you know, he can’t go anywhere, can’t get out and get exercise.”

But he can obviously get to the grocery store and Big Plunky’s Fried Chicken.

But it gets better –

“You eat when you’re under stress and pressure and stuff like that,” Jarrett agreed. “So, you know, he’s already been punished to some extent. We’ll wait and see whether a Jury punishes him further.”

Yeah, because nothing is so punishing as sitting on the coach watching game shows all day while stuffing your mouth with Oreos.

Fox News:  a whole new worldview.

Thanks to Irene for the heads up.

Governor Rick Perry is having bad luck in the thinking department again.

He has decided that the blame for NSA spying is one place:  our congress meets all year long.

Perry says this doesn’t happen in Texas because our legislature meets for only 140 days every two years.  Perry thinks if congress meets less, they won’t think up things to do.

No, he seriously said that.  I dunno know if he listens to himself talk but I doubt it because it would give him a real bad headache.

“The reason I truly believe we need a part time Congress is because when they’re not there all the time, they’re not sitting around dreaming up new things to do to us — or for us, in their opinion,” he explained.

Just think, America could be next to  last in education, last in health care and first in teen pregnancy if only congress would quit meeting so damn much.

According to Kenneth D. Ackerman, who keeps information like this, congress met for exactly 126 days last year, so they met less than the Texas Lege.

Bless his heart, watching Rick Perry try to think is painful.

Thanks to Frank for the heads up.

When Lyndon Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964, he told Bill Moyers that he rejoiced in signing it but he feared that Democrats had given the south to Republicans for a generation.  He was right.

Turn about is fair play.  And it’s another Texan.

John Cornyn is demanding a poison pill to the immigration bill.

Cornyn’s RESULTS amendment forbids undocumented immigrants from obtaining permanent residency until four criteria are met: 100 percent surveillance of the southern border, a minimum 90 percent apprehension rate for illegal border crossings, an operational biometric ID system at air and sea ports, and implementation of E-Verify nationally. He says the measure is critical to ensuring border security.

Cornyn has no idea how we’re going to pay for that.  Texas is last in education and number of people covered by insurance, but we’ll be first at border control?  We have the money for that?

Harry Reid says he ain’t budging.  Yeah, I know he caves like a three dollar suitcase at the train station a lot, but if Reid stands firm on this, Cornyn will have delivered the border states to Democrats for a generation.

It ain’t really karma, though.  Lyndon’s bill included people to the process of democracy while Cornyn’s excludes them.

I would love to see John Cornyn kill the GOP in Texas.  There would be karma in that.

Maurice Sendak has the coolest birthday parties.

And you can go but you have to bring a wild thing.

Thanks to Lisa for the heads up.

Well, rats!, they took it down.  They took down the wonderful website boycotthouston.com and directed it to RepentAmarillo.com which is not near as much fun.

Okay, so maybe it is.

Here’s what you missed:

A new Web site is urging people to “Boycott Houston.”

Why? Because the site’s owner thinks the city is becoming “a Texas version of San Francisco” and “the abortion capital of America.” Translation: David Grisham of Amarillo doesn’t like Houston electing a gay mayor or Planned Parenthood’s plans to open a big facility here.

“If you were to do a poll 85 to 90 percent of people in Houston would say they were a Christian. Well how in the world could an openly homosexual mayor get elected?” Grisham asked during a brief interview, where he also said he has nothing personal against Parker.

So far, the boycott hasn’t gained much traction. A petition on the Web site in support of the boycott has been signed by just four people so far, including “Hugh Jass.”

Repent Amarillo is a lot of fun, but it isn’t as classy as BoycottHouston.  David Grissom is the guy who tried to barbeque the Quran on a grill.

He started a petition to boycott Houston but only got 4 signatures – one of them being from Hugh Jass.

Maybe the fact that the Southern Baptist are coming to Houston for their annual meeting might be putting a damper on the whole boycott Houston thing.  They do, however, appear to be very pissed off at the gays and Barack Obama.

That’s whats great about Christian love – it always has a loophole.