Pick up nerd son at airport. Check.

Get him to install keypad on iPad. Check.

Do the Happy Dance. Check.

Customer Stephen sent us a story about Ted Cruz that is so well written that it literally raised my universal consciousness by five feet.

It would be evil of me not to share it with you.  Jay Bookman at the Atlanta Journal Constitution has this message about our boy Ted.

For a quarter century now, the Republican Party has suppressed its own instincts, refusing to nominate candidates who dared to give full voice to the sentiments of its base, refusing to surrender to that temptation. The result has been a series of lackluster nominees — Bush, Dole, Bush, McCain, Romney — that time and again left the party faithful disappointed in themselves for compromising.

Ted Cruz, on the other hand, is their giant box of Godiva chocolates at a Weight Watchers convention, their open bottle of Jim Beam at an AA meeting.  He’s the bad boy tempting them to throw away all restraint, the one whispering in their ear all the things they want to hear and believe.

And if they succumb, he’s going to leave them fat, drunk and pregnant.

Now that there is a damn hoot of truth.

Thanks to Stephen for the heads up.

I have been asked to remind you that today is your last opportunity to buy a ticket.

This event will not be repeated.  Next time I’m going to volunteer to let them throw pies at me.  It would be less insulting.

The beneficiaries of this event are the good folks at Silver Democrats.  You can buy tickets right here.  Or email me to find out how to pay with a check.

You know how you sometimes get lost on a back country road and pull into a driveway to turn around?

Don’t do that.

In Virginia, a guy tried that and —

Scott said a woman setting on her porch about 150 feet from the road fired two shots at the 1999 Chevy Tahoe he was driving. One shot actually hit the running board on the passenger side just a few feet from where his five children, ages 4-12, were seated.

The alleged shooter was identified as Margie Rhea Ramey, 72, 652 Bays Mt. Road, Rogersville.

Scott reported the shooting to the Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office, and Sgt. Michael Allen responded to the scene.

“During a field interview Mrs. Ramey openly admitted to shooting her rifle towards the vehicle because she has had a continuous problem with people tearing up her driveway,” Allen said.

Ramey was charged with seven counts of felony reckless endangerment.

Mrs. Ramey is 72 years old and finally just got pissed off.

Reports say she was sitting on her front porch with three other people so I’m suspecting it was a well organized militia meeting.

We have a State Senator named Dan Patrick.  He’s kinda creepy.

There’s a little personal story involved here for me.  When I wrote for the newspaper, my counterpart was the ultra rightwing Jon Matthews.  Matthews also had a radio show on Station KSEV in Houston.  Matthews was seriously popular in the Houston market and used to talk about how he had to “take a shower” after being around me.  Which made me kinda proud.  I had that cold shower reaction from a lot of guys.

Jon Matthews

If I had come out in favor of apple pie, he would have claimed it was communist apple pie.

Anyway, after years of putting up with this jerk attacking me and Bill Clinton on the radio, he gets arrested.  Oh yeah, he’s exposing himself to little girls.  Come to find out, it’s not the first incident but Jon was so powerful that the families of these little girls did not want to go up against him.  One finally did.

Jon got probation but violated the probation and got sent to the big house for three years.  He was having online fantasies about sex with a three year old boy while on probation.  That’s some sick stuff for a guy who called Bill Clinton a serial rapist.

I didn’t go nanny nanny boo boo when Jon plead guilty because for gosh sake there was an injured child involved.  Nor did I gloat when Jon violated his probation because he’s obviously a very sick man.

However, what bothered me most about this whole situation was the number of rightwing Republicans who openly told me that they “knew all along” that Jon was an alcoholic and “did some crazy sexual things.”  I don’t think they were trying to look like insiders.  I think they were telling the truth.

I came apart like a $3 suitcase at the bus station.  “Why didn’t y’all DO something!”  I literally screeched.

The reason always came down to — he was popular and he was getting “our message” out there.

That was the day I realized that God help me I hate rightwing Republicans.  Hate them.  Not what they do, but them personally.  I know it’s wrong.  But, if you’re willing to sacrifice a man and little children on the alter of morality and judgement then I chose to freekin’ hate you.  How many children were they willing to sacrifice for a popular radio show?  We don’t know because the guy was 61 years old when he went to prison so there could have been hundreds.

Dan Patrick

Okay, so what does this have to do with Dan Patrick?  Dan Patrick owns KSEV Radio.  I do not know if he was one of the Republicans who knew Jon was a deeply troubled man.   I’m sure that Jon hid it well from his boss.  But, they worked together and shared political and moral philosophies.

Anyway, what makes all this long story kinda come together is that Dan Patrick is running for Lt. Governor against a large field of rightwing Republicans including the incumbent David Dewhurst.

And Dan Patrick got a major endorsement today.

Yep.  Captain of The Jesus Squad, Mike Huckabee, wants Dan Patrick to be Lt. Governor of Texas.

Dan Patrick holding the most powerful political position in Texas?   Game on, Radio Boy.

Newt!  I Almost Forgot You!

Now I’m not saying that Newt pulled these numbers out of his ear or his wife’s safe deposit box hairdo, but Newt has been out counting gang members.  He was giving a speech and threw in this tidbit.

“Gangs have increased by 40 percent since this president was elected. There is no federal program to stop it. No one wants to have an honest conversation about it.

That makes my head hurt.  Forty percent, huh?  Not 38%, not 43%, but exactly 40%.  And I guess it all depends on what you call a gang.  As far as I am concerned those creepy people on Doomsday Preppers are the scariest gangs on the planet.

“There is no federal program to stop it?”  Are you peeing in my boots and tellin’ me it’s raining?  Newt Gingrich, who voted against every social program ever brought to congress, now wants a federal program?

But here’s the aspirin part.  You slash every educational program, every rehabilitation program, double college tuition and student loan interest rates, cut job training, stop school lunches, stop medical care to children and then you stinkin’ holler that “this President” has caused gangs to increase?

Newt Gingrich, you’re gonna burn in hell and it’s gonna sizzle for a million years.