I’m trying to decide if Ben Carson has a brain tumor.  If he doesn’t, then here are your possibilities:

1. Brain surgery isn’t as hard as we first thought.

2. He stole that surgical outfit and took a picture.

3. They let a really dumb guy perform surgery.

4. He’s a brain surgery idiot savant.

Ben’s latest is that, unlike his fellow Republicans, he would keep the Department of Education.  That sounds really good until he says why.

“I actually have something I would use the Department of Education to do.

It would be to monitor our institutions of higher education for extreme political bias and deny funding if it exists.”

In Ben’s mind, extreme political bias is the teaching of Sir Issac Newton. Gravity. Damn Shakespeare. History of any sort before Ronald Reagan.

And all employees of the Department of Education under Carson would be named Bubba or Bobbie Sue, be from Aladamnbama, and be high themselves.

Pat Wayman lives in Florida and she’s got a plan.

Pat is all excited to get herself some power so she can do some damn good.  She and her friend Steven R. Fields are cooking up some revolution as they serve on the county charter commission.

The pair have voted to establish a “people’s common law grand jury,” which sovereign citizens and other anti-government extremists have proposed to investigate and prosecute government officials for treason — which, as they frequently point out, carries a potential death penalty.

“Take a look at the French Revolution and what took place there,” said Mike Bolam, who has attended charter review board meetings to support the common law grand juries.

Yeah, what’s the use of having all these guns if you’re not gonna shoot them at your neighbors?

According to Pat, 25 citizens can meet in private and form their own grand jury.

“A people’s common law grand jury can, without any probable cause, go into any nook or cranny of government — local, state or federal — research anything that’s going on and root out corruption. We want the government to recognize the contract we call the constitution, and start obeying the law. It’s very simple.”

You know, that sounds more like the Salem Witch Trials than the French Revolution.

Here’s Pat’s big target according to her Facebook page.

Yep, Ole Pat claims that her county can meet in secret, indict Obama for murder and execute him before dinner time.

She ain’t even from Texas.

Thanks to Carol for the heads up.  

In case you haven’t heard, Texas is all the rage in Norway.

Helt Texas is a slang phrase in Norway meaning, you guessed it, totally crazy.

“In Norwegian, ‘texas’ means mayhem and chaos, as in cowboys punching each other and breaking chairs over each other’s heads.”

Need examples?

Describing a crazy soccer match at an online sports journal.

Or maybe this …

However, I believe they shouldn’t stop there.  Texas can also mean …

He Did Not Keep Us Safe.

Or maybe …

I Smoke The Marijuana.

Texas can also mean …

Texas: a verb meaning “I kiss Donald Trump’s ass.”

Don’t stop there….

Texas: pathetic adjective meaning “Men with Small Winkies.”

Here’s one meaning of Texas —

Dumber than damn Rick Perry

Norway needs to stop by here and get their hair done.  They are selling Texas short with such a limited meaning.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Well, all good things must come to an end, including the rebel flag on the Greene County, Tennessee, courthouse.

The good news is that the vote was 19 – 1 in favor of removing that sucker.

The bad news is that the commissioner, Buddy Randolph, who voted to keep it is plenty sore about it and …. well, one other thing.

“The Confederate flag is American history. Part of it, whether you like it or not,” said Randolph, a local sheriff’s deputy. “And that’s the reason I did this — no other reason. They wanna do everything and we let them get by with doin’ away with it. … First thing they done is take prayer outta schools years ago.

“They wanna take Christmas signs down, and trees, and everything. The Ten Commandments. And we let’em get by with it. But it’s time we stand up and do something.”

He’s a damn deputy sheriff.  Hell, the man is barely literate. They also took away his book learning, but he doesn’t seem upset about that.

Thanks to Hannity is herb tarlek for the heads up.

A woman was checking her mother out of the hospital yesterday in East Texas.

The woman reached into her mother’s purse to retrieve some paperwork when she inadvertently pulled out the small-caliber handgun.

Authorities say the gun tumbled to the ground and discharged, sending a bullet through a wall and striking another patient who was also checking out.

They say that the victim’s wound is not life threatening.

In case you’re wondering where the good guy with a gun was during this incident, he was upstairs in surgery having is head pulled out of his butt.

Well, you know how bad I’d feel if anything unfortunate happened to Ted Cruz.  I mean, here’s this Super DeLux Brand Christian Man O’ God who everybody just picks on.

Take the FEC for example.  They released the information that caused this headline in the Washington Post:

Now, if you’re wondering what psychographic profiling is and why it costs $750,000, it does voter personality profiling.

Cambridge Analytica aims to increase the accuracy of micro-targeting by adding “psychographic analysis” to widely available demographic data. Potential voters who look much the same on paper — a 35-year-old white woman from Iowa, for example — may have very different personalities that make them care about different things and respond to different political messages, according to Nix.

So what Ted is going to do is gather all the information he can on you, put it in data form, and pay a mathematical witchdoctor to tell hm what to say to you.  Everything Republicans claim to hate.

The good news for us:  (Click the little one to get the big one.)

It ain’t working worth diddle squat.  Cruz remains at 4% behind the other Bible Thumper, Mike Huckabee.  Huckabee has probably spent $1.98 total.

Then, his former employer George W Bush went all wacky weed on Ted.

Fox News reported —

Former President George W. Bush reportedly ripped into Texas Sen. Ted Cruz at a weekend gathering of donors to his brother’s presidential campaign, according to a published report Monday.

Politico reported that Bush said of Cruz, “I just don’t like the guy,” at the event, which was held Sunday night in Denver.

Bush said that he didn’t like the way Cruz was all palsey-wowsey with Trump and added that he is refusing to paint a portrait of Cruz’s feet in the bathtub. Okay, so I made up that last part.  So sue me.

They say things come in threes and, hell, it’s only noon!

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.