Remember when Dubya choked on popcorn?  Jeb! choked on fundraising.

Jeb Bush is shaking up his struggling presidential campaign, ordering across-the-board pay cuts, downsizing his headquarters staff, cutting ties with some consultants and refocusing his efforts on retail campaigning and on-the-ground organizing in the early voting states.

Here’s what I think.  Every time this happens, Mitt Romney puts on his dancing shoes.  There’s no way that party bosses are going to let Donald Trump or Ben Carson be the nominee.  Mark Rubio isn’t even ready to be vice president.  Carly Fiorina? Sober up, dude.

So I am pretty sure that Mitt is having daydreams of the GOP coming to him and begging him to run.  They’ll even promise to give him the weekends off to be with his family.

Thanks to chloe bear for the heads up.

Well, the Steeple People are a determined bunch and while I appreciate them saving me from the Illuminati and assorted devils, I think maybe there’s a limit, especially at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

Four former security guards are suing G4S Secure Solutions for $3.5 million, claiming the international security company’s kiosk in a Gresham shopping center was run by a devoutly Christian supervisor who told employees their gay family members were going to hell, played videos about the Illuminati and warned that the security kiosk could be attacked by demons.

Her name is Sarah Houser.  When the guards complained about her referring to the security kiosk as “church,” covering the walls with Bible verses, they were fired.  They said Houser held prayer meetings and told them that gay people are going to hell.  I have no idea where she thinks Democrats are going but I suspect most of her demons at least vote Democratic.

Good news for demon magnets, though.  G4S Secure Solutions also has security teams at UK Foreign Commonwealth Office in Afghanistan and a Google Data Center.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

With all the gentility of a sledgehammer, Maine Governor Paul LePage revealed his Republican deep thoughts.

There is a ballot initiative for campaign finance reform expanding public financing of elections.  LePage opposes it.  Wanna know why?

“Now, the legislature is going to have to fund it,” LePage complained. “That’s like giving my wife my checkbook.”

“I’m telling you,” he continued. “It’s giving your wife your checkbook. Go spend.”

Cause you know how women just go nuts at the diamond store and the lace place.

Governor, don’t you think that maybe a better example of out-of-control would be to say, “Like sending the Governor to the milk shake shop”?

Twit.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Okay, so today this happened in Texas.

State health investigators on Thursday served subpoenas for records at Planned Parenthood offices in San Antonio, Dallas and Houston, according to two people with knowledge of the investigation but who are not authorized to speak publicly about it.

The investigators were seeking hundreds of pages of information, from patient records to employee home addresses, involving 10 Planned Parenthood facilities across the state, said Sarah Wheat, an organization official in Austin.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait just a damn minute.

The state has a right to my medical records?

Now get this. This is the guys serving subpoenas in San Antonio.

They sent men to get these records?

Oh yeah, this is about as legitimate as a $30 Kate Spade purse.

On Monday, the lead investigator at the Texas Health and Human Services Commission sent letters informing all of the state’s Planned Parenthood affiliates that they were being dropped as a Medicaid health care provider.

The government men say they are investigating the misuse of Medicare funds for abortions.

I am kinda surprised the guys pictured above weren’t wearing combat gear.  The war of women just got a nuke.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

I didn’t watch the OJ trial but I am watching this off and on.

Sometimes I get so mad, I have to walk away before my hair catches on fire.

I do have NERF balls to throw at the teevee.

I never make fun of someone’s personal appearance unless it is perfectly obvious that they are doing something to make themselves look weird.  Trey Gowdy.

Who does his hair?  Why do they hate him?

Well, well, well, it seems like the senior Cruz, who believes his son is the fulfillment of prophecy, lies about his background.

And the man who is essentially an itinerant preacher appears to have wildly exaggerated his ministerial credentials. Consider the Rev. Rafael B. Cruz’s frequently cited biography, as it appears on the Great American Speakers booking website.

He led people to believe that he was associated with Benny Hinn, the faith healer. Suzanne Hinn says no.

He says he’s pastor at a church in Dallas but the church doesn’t know that.

He says he studied at the Advanced Bible College, a place that doesn’t exist.

The Kingdom Translations Services he claims to own is just him.  It’s located at an apartment in Dallas.  His apartment.

Now I know it seems weird and maybe even heretical for a man of God to lie about what he does all day and night.  He’s going to hell, y’all.