by Primo Encarnación

Oh, everyone is agog over the viral video showing Chris Christie taking a courageous stand on drug treatment. Before you start thinking Chris Christie has shown his softer side, and his sob story about his mother is just about the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen, and really shows him to best advantage, just remember the story of the scorpion and the frog.

(about 8 minutes in) “I watched her as a kid growing up she tried everything she could to quit: she tried the gum, she tried the patches yadda yadda yadda…”

Oh, boo-frickin-hoo, you liar:

Chris Christie born to smoking mom: 1963
Chris Christie turns 18: 1981
Gum not available until the 80s
Patch not available until the 90s

With Christie, as with all these evil klowns, the lie isn’t a bug, it’s a feature. Whaddya know! A Con cons Cons again! He can’t help it, he’s a scorpion: his entire nature is to sting; he doesn’t care whom.

Update:  Christie’s “pro-life for life” schtick apparently doesn’t extend to actual, you know, people.   What does he think really about addicts?  Let ’em starve.

UPDATED AGAIN BREAKING NEWS:  I honestly have not seen this reported anywhere else but here! The name of Christie’s dead friend appears to be Guy Thomas Lytle, late of West Orange, New Jersey.  Evidence to follow.

Evidence:  I found this article from May, 2014, where Christie appears to describe the friend the first time.  Christie says he had attended his funeral three weeks earlier. So looking back a few weeks in April, 2014, I located an obituary from Saturday, April 5, 2014 including the mention of 3 daughters.  Christie:  “Year and a half ago on a Sunday morning…”  His attorney profile discloses details which match Christie’s description: Seton Hall, cum laude, ’87;  Partner.  I don’t know that it was ever meant to be so all-fired a secret, but I found it curious that we had never seen the man’s name before.

Note:  between the first time he told the story and now, the amount of time poor Mr. Lytle’s “odyssey” lasted went from 8 years to 10 years. (listen to the story on the njspotlight site, it has richer details).  I don’t doubt hat the whole thing happened.  I just doubt Christie’s sincerity.  He was your best bud, your families vacationed together.  The wife was your family doctor.  And you can’t recall whether it was 8 years or 10?  Or does 10 make a better story?

Anyway, that was a WMDBS breaking news, exclusive.

Okay, here’s the deal.  Bunny tried to ruin my life again today by suggesting that we start mind-picturing Donald Trump as Humpty Trumpty.

I challenged her to a rhyme-off and Lord have mercy! it was a time sponge this morning.

Bunny says —

HUMPTY TRUMPTY’S 5 POINT IMMIGRATION POLICY

Humpty Trumpty sat on his fence
Humpty Trumpty deployed agents
All ‘merica’s forces and all ‘merica’s drones
He used to trade – a fence for a throne!

And I answered with —

FOREIGN POLICY

Humpty Trumpty sat on his butt
Humpty Trumpty yelled “He’s a nut!”
But all his finger shaking and loud bull shootin’
Didn’t scare a single crap out of Putin.

Please feel free to join in.  That’s why I have a comment section.

Y’all, Ben Carson is making my education hurt.  No, seriously, there’s a giant pain in my book learnin’ every time I hear him speak.

So, mix in with his theories that Holocaust was caused by gun control, that Charles Darwin was controlled by the Devil Hisownself, and that prison can make people gay, it turns out that he believes the pyramids were built by Joseph to store grain.

And that the moon is really green cheese.

Thanks to Larry for the heads up.

Five guys got together to drink and cook some fried chicken in a Houston apartment complex last Friday night.

Then bad stuff happened.

Rivera became angry when Gonzalez took the last piece of chicken. Both men got into an argument that escalated to a fist fight in the parking lot of the complex when Rivera stabbed Gonzalez and fled the scene with the knife.

You know, when I die I want to be real old, real sick, or doing something worth dying for.  I do not want the words “fried chicken” to appear anywhere in my obituary.

Thanks to Larry for the heads up.

Counting the checks we know are on the way, we will hit $5,000 in less than 24 hours.  You guys ROCK!

Two years ago when you guys helped me with this, my county’s mail ballot numbers went from 427 Democrats to 4,100.  Those are votes in the bank before election day.

Start saving up your pennies because I may ask you for another small donation before next November’s election.  I know I promised I wouldn’t, but I might.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I thank you.  Glen thanks you. And a whole mess of old people thank you.

Our friend Bunny sent me this damn email.

You know that spinning logo that indicates something you clicked on is downloading? Whenever I listen to Ben Carson one appears above him and spins and spins and spins.

I had to send you that thought because it keeps me up at night and now it’s yours to think!

That visual is driving me nuts, Bunny.  Now that’s all I can think about.

Pass it on, y’all.  Make everybody Carson Nuts.