Rick Perry – bless his heart.

Mostly, all of Rick’s life, he has depended on the kindness of strangers – strangers who became his “friends.”

Rick is a tool. Smart people figured out that Rick likes the finer things in life. They got him elected to the kinds of political offices that can dispense monetary favors. They, in return, made sure that Rick’s tastes got satisfied.

He’s been caught before, but his quick smile and his ability to be the dumb country boy who loves Jesus got him off the hook.  Maybe not this time.

Two political backers of Energy Secretary Rick Perry landed a lucrative oil and gas exploration deal from Ukraine’s government shortly after Perry reportedly included one of the two men in a list of suggested potential advisers to Ukraine’s new president, according to The Associated Press.

The AP reported Monday that Michael Bleyzer was among four names Perry had recommended to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.

Rick Perry and Michael Bleyzer in Ukraine last year cahooting

Those two are tighter than skin on a sausage.  It’s nice to have friends in high places.  Especially those who are unwilling to testify under oath to the United States Congress.

I think it’s time for Rick to have another giant prayer rally.  We called the last one he had “Six Flags Over Jesus.”

(Here’s a joke hint for people from foreign states.)

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

My Grandpa grew up in the northeastern part of Arkansas and went to a one room schoolhouse.  He was a self educated man and knew more about ancient history than anyone I know.  He once told me that a sure sign of an educated man was someone who knew the difference between a quote from the Bible and one from Shakespeare. I found that amusing at the time, as did he, and I still do.

Because Senator Marsha Blackburn, Republican from Tennessee.

No, Marsha. I wasn’t Jesus.  Jesus warned us about hypocrites, stingy people, and false prophets. You know, people like you.

“Kill all the lawyers” came from Shakespeare, Henry VI, Part 2.  It came from a player named Dick the Butcher, recognizing that lawyers are what keeps tyrants from becoming all powerful kings.  Context, Marsha, context.

Thanks to Bubba the Lawyer for the heads up.

Okay, time for our Goofy Republican Politicians in Texas event, which truly should be daily.

You’ve met Sid Miller, our agriculture commissioner with barely double digit IQ points.  Sid’s the guy who charged the taxpayers for him to go to rodeos outside of Texas for him to compete.  He hired every friend he ever had to fill state jobs they were shockingly under qualified for.  He even paid to take his butt to Oklahoma and get something he calls a “Jesus shot” with taxpayer money.

He also says it’s okay to put untruths on his  Twitter page because it’s his opinion and he’s entitled to his opinion.  Yes, he said that. He said that he’s entitled to his wrong opinion.

He says he loves Jesus.  Which makes Jesus cry.

Well, he’s done it again.

Here’s the post he inappropriately responded to.

First, Confederate soldiers are not veterans. They are treasonous losers. The only flag they should have represent them is a white one. They quit. They surrendered. They were not fighting on America’s side. Yeah, I do have strong feelings about this.

So here’s Ole Sid’s response.

After catching hell over it because confederates were particularly fond of lynchings, Ole Sid told us, “Good grief people, it’s a joke,” and saying it was a reference to a Pace salsa commercial.

About 25 years ago Pace salsa had a commercial on teevee.  It had some old cowboys sitting around a campfire eating. One of them commented on how good Pace salsa is because it’s made in Texas. Other brands were made in New York City.  “New York City?” the cowboy asks. “Get a rope.”

Anybody 25 – 30 years old isn’t going to get the reference. Nor will anybody who didn’t live in Texas 25 years ago. Which kinda means pretty much everybody.

Thanks to Steve for the heads up.  

So, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo went to Germany this weekend to celebrate the fall of the Berlin Wall.

He was at the wall “to celebrate its demise.” You can watch the clip on Twitter.  He said “We lifted billions of people out out of horrific conditions.”

Billions?  I looked it up and the world’s population in 1991 was 5.3 billion and this may be a wild guess on my part but I’m betting not all of them lived in Europe.

However, even outside of Trump’s Biggest and Best virus, if walls coming down is a goal, why are we building one you damn fool?

The Biggest and Best Irony ever in the history of mankind.

Thanks to Kary – who is another gay veteran – for the heads up.

This morning the New York Times did us all a great favor.  It gave us the anwer to every defense the Republicans have made of Trump.  One by one.

I agree with them that using the term Quid Pro Quo was a big mistake on our part.  First, nobody knows what that means, but more importantly, it’s not illegal.  Extortion is illegal.  This was extortion.

Trump extorted Ukraine with money that a bi-partisan congress passed giving them the damn money.  Trump had no right to withhold the money or to extort an entire country with it. It’s not his money. It’s our money. He cannot use it for extortion for his own personal gain.

However, my advice for the day is this:  do not get into an argument with a Republican. Anyone who thinks that making fun of handicapped people is okay is not going to listen to reason.

Thanks to Kary for the heads up.

Dems love to carp about Repubs and their purity tests on taxes, social conservatism, articles of faith on everything from religious freedom (so they can be assholes to people not like them), and voter suppression.  Most of that carping is done nose-in-the-air about how ignorant conservatives are, and how purity tests ruined the GOP.  Then, Dems blindly apply their own intolerant purity tests on their side:  Cases in point – Obama should have waited his turn (2008); Sanders wasn’t Democrat enough (2016 and 2020); Biden’s actions over 40 years ago disqualifies him today; Biden’s too old, too frail, sleepy (amplifying the right’s latest personal attack); male Dems who dare to favor a male candidate over all female candidates are “misogynist” (yes, I’ve been accused of that regularly).  Now the purity tests are already being applied to Bloomberg – he’s “a fool”, “a tool”, “not a democrat”, on and on and on.

I get it.  Dems want the perfect candidate with the perfect file cabinet full of perfect plans (that will never see the light of day).  They demand that their chosen candidate pledge to turn the entire system immediately on its head to fix everything the Repubs have done wrong since 1995.  AND, all candidates who don’t promise to do that are denigrated as “fools” and “not true Democrats”.

And that intolerance is a formula for LOSING.  I watched in disbelief in 2016 as the Dems pushed everyone out and followed the most unpopular Democratic candidate in US history over the cliff because it was “her turn”.  I watched as they dismissed all other comers because they weren’t pure enough.  Apparently, they’ve learned nothing because here we go again in 2019. The second most popular candidate in Iowa can’t get out of single digits nationally.  The most popular candidate in Iowa can demonstrate NO scenario where she can win the electoral college.  I know Dems that muse about a Warren/Buttigieg or Buttigieg/Warren ticket, neither of which would get within 50 electoral votes of a tie with Trump.

National elections are certainly about the vision of a future for our country.  They are a time for introspection and big thinking.  But they are also opportunities for gigantic disasters and averting disasters.  We are where we are today because the Dems were stupid in 2016, ignoring all the signs of loss with a weak unpopular candidate.  We have an opportunity to avert another gigantic disaster, but only if the Dems stop being stupid and start applying grade school level arithmetic.

It’s a hard truth.