John Dean, semi-hero of the Nixon impeachment, is set to testify before the House Judiciary Committee and it’s driving Trump Twitterly nuts.

He tweeted about it this morning and then sent Kellyanne Conway out to talk especially nasally to reporters.

“It’s really something. I’ve never been disbarred. I passed four state bars, never been disbarred. Never went to jail for obstruction of justice and don’t plan on it, but they are picking lawyers from TV now,” Conway responded. “Remember, he also tried to derail Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination. He’s not a credible person.”

Don’t you think it’s odd that a person working in the Trump administration would demean picking anything from TV?  Isn’t that kinda like a slap in your own face?

As to, “I’ve never been disbarred.”  It’s early in the day, Kellyanne. And there’s a jail cell, Darlin’, with a bottle of cheap peroxide and expensive locks just waiting for you.

Stones and glass houses.

Remember when ole Roy Moore ran for Senate in Aladamnbama?  Those were some fun times.

Moore got accused of being anti-Semitic during the campaign and to counter that, Moore’s wife went on national teevee and in a rage filled spittin’ spite outburst said, “one of our attorneys is a Jew.”  The fact that she said the word Jew as if it was sitting disgustingly nasty in her mouth for a couple of months did not help her situation any at all.

Come to find out, her son had a Jewish lawyer defending him against drug charges, but the Moore’s Jewish lawyer had become a Christian and been baptized before the Moores ever knew him.

Well, they have another distinguished lawyer on the team.

Garmon’s mug shot

Former Senate candidate Roy Moore’s attorney was arrested Wednesday night for charges of driving under the influence and for possessing drugs.

Trenton Roger Garmon, 39, was booked into the Etowah County Jail around 8 p.m., according to jail records. He was arrested by Gadsden police and charged with driving under the influence of controlled substances, second-degree possession of marijuana, and drug paraphernalia.

When Moore was asked for a reaction, he called it “fake news.”  They have an arrest report, a mug shot, and a bond set. Roy Moore is a fake human.

Look, I don’t know about you but if I was on a jury for a guy accused of drug possession, I’d convicted on the basis of the mug shot alone.

Thanks to Rufus for the heads up.

I thought y’all would be unsurprised but slightly amused that the French oak tree President Emmanuel Macron gifted to Trump gave its life for its country.

While being planted on the White House lawn, Macron said …

“100 years ago, American soldiers fought in France, in Belleau to defend our freedom. This oak tree will be a reminder at the White House of these ties that bind us.”

The next day the tree was uprooted and placed in quarantine.  Recent reports are that the tree died and just left  a big yellow spot on the White House Lawn.

It got Trumped.

We talked last week how hideous Trump looked at the state dinner with Queen Elizabeth wearing his clearly borrowed white tie and tails, and now we have at least part of the story.  Ismet Dil, whose company has provided formal wear to presidents for over a century, says that he doesn’t recognize the suit that His Orangeness was wearing and has no idea where it came from.  Dil said, “This is my profession. It’s not right.” Saville Row tailors analyzed the suit for it’s legion of flaws:

I personally just can’t stop laughing at this clown, especially when he dresses like a clown.

UPDATED:

We all saw it last week, Trump suddenly tweeting that he’s going to slap tariffs on all Mexican imports if Mexico doesn’t immediately stop illegal immigration into the US.  He tanked stocks from manufacturers to grocery distributors, probably after he leaked the announcement to his cronies so they could short those stocks to make a tidy sum.  Remember Carl Icahn dumping steel stocks just before Trump announced the steel tariffs?

Anyway, negotiators between the US and Mexico were supposedly in feverish negotiations to come to a border security deal, and yesterday, with great fanfare, Trump announced on the Twitter machine that he has cut a last minute deal with Mexico.

Then he announced that Mexico has committed to purchase large quantities of American produce:

All that is great, except for one thing.  The deal he breathlessly announced yesterday was negotiated with Mexico…wait for it…last March.  Some provisions in the agreement date back to December.  This negotiation has been completed for months.

So let’s recap – Trump creates a gigantic economic crisis by demanding Mexico do what it has already agreed to do.  He costs the US economy billions of dollars (probably creating a profit opportunity for his buds).  He ratchets up the rhetoric during the D-Day commemoration, even while sitting in the US cemetery in Normandy. He berates Mexico, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, and even Bette Midler (I still haven’t figured that one out).  Then, with great fanfare, he announces that he’s saved the day by forcing Mexico to agree to a deal that had already been done.

Folks, this is gaslighting in its purest form.  Lie and create a problem that doesn’t exist.  Then lie again, claiming to have fixed a problem that really wasn’t a problem in the first place.  Then take credit for fixing the problem that didn’t exist.

Jesus.

UPDATE:

Trump also lied about a new farm deal.  This morning, he tweeted, “MEXICO HAS AGREED TO IMMEDIATELY BEGIN BUYING LARGE QUANTITIES OF AGRICULTURAL PRODUCT FROM OUR GREAT PATRIOT FARMERS!”

Three Mexican officials say, nope, no farm deal was negotiated; in fact, Mexico has no agricultural conglomerate to even do that.  Another day, another lie.

Look, I get it. With the massive discontent in America today and a criminally culpable, corrupt, clueless, classless clown as an opponent, it feels like we could nominate a ham sandwich and take over the White House in 2020. This has led to a record number of ham sandwiches seeking the Democratic nomination for President: 24, at last count. We’re going to review them all between now and the first debate, so at least you’ll have heard of them.

Who DEY?

Maurice “Mike” Gravel is the son of French Canadian immigrant parents, one of whom arrived in the US literally 109 years ago. Yes, Mike is OLD: 89 years old. He’s long been a proponent of liberal and libertarian causes: anti-war, pro-pot, pro-“direct democracy” (think Athens ca 500 BCE). As a Senator from Alaska, he read the Pentagon Papers into the Congressional record in 1971, a seriously heroic and historic act of citizenship for which I’ll always honor him. Since losing his Senate primary in 1980, this is his second quixotic campaign for President trying to air his issues. He has stated he has no intention of winning a primary, he just wants to be in the debate. Not even that’s happening, so far.

Andrew Yang is the son of Taiwanese immigrant parents. After a brief stint as a corporate lawyer, he worked in a couple of startups, until founding Venture for America, which sought to train and place future entrepreneurs in communities often underserved by entrepreneurs. His efforts were twice recognized by the Obama Administration. His platform centers on what he calls “Human-Centered Capitalism” which is a form of social capitalism with universal basic income (UBI) as its cornerstone. He calls his UBI “The Freedom Dividend” because it polls better with conservatives. In a field dragged left after 2016, policies alone will not be enough to distinguish him in the debates.

Marianne Williamson was born in 1952 to an immigration lawyer and a homemaker. She has studied theater and philosophy at Pomona College. She dropped out to become a cabaret singer. She then became inspired by a book called A Course in Miracles which the author claimed was internally dictated to her by Jesus. She ran a metaphysical bookstore and coffee shop, lectured and wrote about A Course in Miracles, then got a boost in her career when one of her self-help books was featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show in 1992. She’s been vociferously active in a lot of liberal causes, ran and lost as an Independent for Congress in CA-33 in 2014, and so is naturally running for President in 2020. Her signature issue is Love, and her platform is agreeing with other candidates’ good ideas, which will be boring in the debates.

Wayne Messam, the son of Jamaican immigrants, was born in 1974. He attended Florida State where he studied football. He worked for a pharmaceutical company, quit, and started a general contracting construction business. He became a City Commissioner and then the Mayor of Miramar, Florida, famous for having the same name as the San Diego Naval Air Station in the movie Top Gun. His signature issue is forgiving student loan debt. He also dislikes guns, thinks the Paris Accords are good, wants a path to citizenship in immigration reform, and wants to repeal Trump’s tax cuts. He is the President of the National Black Caucus of Local Elected Officials, and so is naturally running for President of the United States. His deep resume and bold thoughts have not yet qualified him for the debates.

Fun fact: Messam was on the Cincinnati Bengals practice squad, for a time, and thus it’s appropriate that we end this “Who Dey?” group of wannabes, has-beens, never-wases, also-rans and contenders on that note.

new phone who dis?