Just click right here and enjoy the hell outta yourself.

And please feel free to click around at OutSmart.  It’s classy, sassy, and very smart.

This afternoon North Korea said the U.S. will “pay dearly” for the economic sanctions.

Dear North Korea,

Thank you for the heads up.  We’ve been kinda depressed lately so even a threat sounds exciting to us.

I’d like to remind you that North Korea has a Dear Leader and so do we. Our Dear Leader, Donald Trump, is strong, wise, beloved, and the best Dear Leader ever in the history of all mankind and Mars if there was ever life on Mars.  There’s never been a better Dear Leader than he is and there never will be.  If you don’t believe me, just ask him.

Look, I am a good American so you can bomb anything you want to.  But please, pretty please, be respectful and do not, do NOT, bomb all of Trump’s golf courses, especially any that he is playing oops, working, on.

We appreciate your help in this matter.  Not Trump’s golf courses.  Reminder: do not bomb one of Trump’s golf courses.  The worst thing that could happen to America is for the Better That You Dear Leader Trump to be standing on the first tee and having to watch his beautiful golf course turn into a dump right before his eyes.

Thank you,

Juanita Jean

Y’all, this is not Momma-approved.  Momma wants you to know that she raised me better than this.

But, damn.  This is funny.

And, yeah, it really is Vicente Fox.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYZKrn7Bbl8

It’ll be the best 4 minutes you spend all day.

You’re welcome.

Remember how we used to call men who wagged their weenie in public, sent “surprise!” lewd pictures of themselves to women, demanded sex prior to consideration for employment, or behaved in a lecherous manner, perverts.

Well, now they are called Fox News Hosts.

If you joined in The Race Across Texas, your first question should have arrived this morning.  I got mine at 7:30.  If you didn’t, check your spam box.  It’s coming from “Brian Bollinger, Texas State Historical Association.”

It’s an open book test and they tell you where to find the answer.  So winning boils down to who has the most people on their team and how many on that team take the time to look up the answers.  (It will not kill you to look up the answers and you’re able to learn something.)

It’s not too late to join our team and help get ballots by mail to Texas voters over the age of 65.

Thank you to those who did join!

The Twitter Machine catches this one from Newt Gingrich.

I swear to all that is sparkling, Newt Gingrich is bean dip dumb.

Look, it ain’t brain surgery or even Vatican Ambassadorship smart. Trump is not accused of committing any crimes in West Virginia. If he ever is, there will be a grand jury there.

I got a speeding ticket in Bastrop once and that’s where it went to trial, even though I have far more friends in Del Rio.  Whine, whine, whine.

Soon enough, a grand jury may be empaneled in New York for Trump’s financial crimes, where Trump only got 36% of the vote.  I’m sure Newt will whine that it should be empaneled in Alabama where Trump got 63% of the vote, except that they couldn’t find 12 people in Alabama who know how a checking account works.

West Virginia?  Hell, let’s just move it to Mar-a-Loco so Newt will think it’s fair.