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Dear Texas Democratic Party,

What the hell is wrong with you?  Do you know when we started losing in Texas?  When we quit leading, that’s when.

I know I am a damn broken record, but we either need to grow some or fold up the damn tent.

They are saying that Hillary Clinton is gonna win Arizona.  Wanna know why?  You really want to know?  Because both the minimum wage and marijuana legalization are on the ballot.  That’s damn why.  Democrats will turn out for that.

Hell, in Texas we can’t even get “controversial” stuff like that on the Democratic primary ballot because it might cause some sheriff candidate out in east Texas to lose his race because he supports dope.  The future of the Texas Democratic Party is not in east Texas.  The future of the Texas Democratic Party is in the city and young people and working people of America.

Thank you for your attention in this matter,

Juanita Jean Herownself

I know this comes as a shock to everyone, but —

Oh. No. This is not happening in my lifetime.  No.

At 5:31 am today —

Followed at 2:06 this afternoon …

Which, when translated by someone with a fairly decent knowledge of Tex-Mex, means “Repeating what I told you before in person, Mr. Trump, Mexico will never pay for a wall.”

Tweeter -in-Chief.  He’s running for damn Tweeter-in-Chief.

Thanks to John for the cool graphic.

I have spent most of two weeks calling people to beg them to do calling for Hillary and our local candidates.  I sent them a list, some pertinent information, and they start making calls.

Not so with Donald Trump.

Donald Trump, the leader of the Republican Party, can dish it out but he sure can’t take it.  You are un-allowed to say tacky things about him and it wants that promised in writing.

In order to call for Donald Trump as a volunteer, you have to sign a 2,217 word non-disclosure contract not to disparage Trump, his products, or his family – for damn ever.

If you want to read it for yourself, here it is.  It’s straight outta crazy town.

Check #10.  For freekin’ ever.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

The Federal Elections Commission ain’t about to suffer fools gladly.

They sent God a letter.  By the way, he lives on Staten Island at this prestigious location, right next to Beach Bum Tanning Salon.

Well, so much for that omnipresent thing.

The FEC has doubts that God is a candidate for office and acting as his own campaign treasurer.  You can see their questions for yourownself in this PDF.

Yeah, and Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen told me, “Identical letters were sent to Satan and Jesus Christ.  And Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Captain Crunch, the Ghost of Ronald Reagan, Deez Nuts, etc.”

I don’t know if that’s true because, you know, Alfredo drinks a little.  But he usually gets things right.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.

I told you people before that my homeland is backasswards and that I live in the America that Donald Trump wants to go back to.

Believe me, it ain’t that damn great.

Get this:  An assistant principal at one of our high schools called an assembly of juniors and told them that the reason boys get low grades because girls wear their dresses too tight.

Holy bygawd jumpin’ kumquat Jesus.  What the hell?

I want this assistant principal removed from the same zip code where there is any high school girl.  That guy has been having too many lewd thoughts about them.

Some of the students started recording him ….

Towards the end, he states, “Ladies, I still blame you all for boys’ low grades because of tight clothing.” Students confirmed that the audio started after Morgante made the initial comment about male students already having trouble studying and how the girls’ tight clothing only made it worse.

To the students’ credit, they recorded it and took to the Twitter machine:

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This kinda gives me faith in the next generation.  They seem to have left the crap behind.

Look, I know I haven’t gotten all my thank you notes out yet and I feel real bad about that.  And I know that I generally ask you to donate only once a year.  But, save a few dollars because if we lose my Democratic county commissioner, which looks like a strong possibility because it’s a Republican district, we are totally screwed.  He is our thin donkey-blue line. National Democrats are not sending even one penny into Texas and are using us as an ATM machine.  Local Republicans here have wisely dropped Trump and are pouring everything into this race.

So, next week, I’ll have an opportunity to sell you something for Commissioner Richard Morrison.  You’ll need either $5 or $25.

Thanks to Kris for the heads up.