Y’all, Liz Cheney is baaaack.

After she bombed in a terribly embarrassing race for both herself and her mother, she has now decided to run for Wyoming’s open House seat.

In large part because of her name recognition, Cheney is expected to win next Tuesday’s eight-way primary for the at-large seat. Current GOP Rep. Cynthia Lummis is retiring at the end of the term.

However, there are 8 people in the race so that pretty much makes it a crap shoot.  But, there is the semi-shocking fact that she has 15 times the amount of campaign money than her closest competitor.  And who is giving her all that money?  The usual suspects.

Besides donations from both former Bush presidents, she’s received contributions from, among others, GOP establishment heavyweights like former secretary of defense Donald Rumsfeld, former Republican National Committee chair Ken Mehlman, former George W. Bush senior adviser Karl Rove, former national security adviser Stephen J. Hadley, former Mississippi Sen. Trent Lott and Texas Rep. Pete Sessions.

That’s so cute – she’s a daddy’s girl.

Her campaign slogan:  Restore the Bush-Cheney White House to the Congress!  (Not really, I just made that up.)

I always like her smarter sister better.

Thanks to everybody for the head up.

Customers maryelle and Rhea suggested books about Trump’s level of knowledge in the world.   Incredibly, a secret manuscript for just such a book has come into my possession.

What I Know… by Donald J Trump, future President of America, Esq.

This is a very hard book to write but a very easy book to write, OK, because I know everything. Every. Thing. And what I don’t know about things like oh, the “Nuclear Tryout” I can probably learn about in oh, an hour. I’m that smart. Really. That smart. Believe me when I tell you, I’m smart. I ought to know, because I have a magnificent brain, and it knows smart from dumb. Winners are smart. Losers are dumb. And since I am the biggest winner of all time, I am also therefore the smartest winner of all time, and everyone who loses to me is dumber than me. It stands to reason.

What I know about politics is I won. I beat 16 other people to become the nominee. Hillary only had to beat 1 guy, and he was pretty used up, already, so I am at least 16 times smarter than she is, and 16 times the politician. I beat a black guy, an actual brain surgeon, because the blacks love me. I beat a broad, because the women, they love me. Oh, how they love me. They call me to find out if I will make them first lady instead of Melania. Come up to me on the street. “Oh, Mr Trump, you are such a man. I wish my husband were 1/16th the man you are.”

I beat not one but TWO Cubans, because the Hispanics love me. And they respect me, they respect my deep respect for their cultural goodness like taco salads in actually eatable bowls. Which was entirely my idea. Many people say to me “Mr Trump, that was entirely your idea. And they stole it.” I tell them, that’s OK. Don’t worry. My lawyers are on it.

I beat John Kasich, beat him like a drum, because the poors, they love me. He can spout all he wants about Christian values to the poors, but I know Two Corinthians, and they tell me that I am the greatest Christian since Christ. “Mr Trump, if you had been born first, Jesus would have been a Trumpian.” All the poors tell me that.

So I know I’m a winner, and everyone wants to be like me, or at least be allowed to be near me. Very few are allowed, let me tell you, very few, it’s an exclusive club, but without the secret handshake. Because germs. Germs can kill you. It’s why we fought the Great War and the other great War, the big one, WWII, back when wars were great. Vietnam was not so great, so I didn’t go. I like wars where we win, OK? Not loser wars. The world wars are great, when we fought against the Germs and their Germ Warfare.  And we won by dropping the nuclear bomb on them after the Nuclear Tryout.

I know I will make wars great again, and they will be winning wars. We will win so many wars when I am President that people will say “Oh, Mr Trump, we can’t take all this winning. Can you give us a break and maybe lose a war? Just a small one.” Nope, can’t do it. Because losing wars is dumb. Which makes me smarter than the generals who lose them all. Every war has been lost by a general. Think about that.   Every war has been lost by the generals. That’s why I’m so smart. This I know. The generals, they only know how to lose. Only I know how to win. Like with more nuclear tryouts. Why have them if you’re not going to try them out?

Let’s see, other things I know: I’m fabulously rich. I’m richer than anyone else who has ever been dumb enough to subtract liabilities from assets except in a tax return, which I cannot show you, because then everyone will find out how. I have the best health ever for someone of my age and health. I’ve never been to a psychiatrist who lived. Oh, here’s something else very important I know: if you mix a late night snack of Cheetos and Orange Crush, do NOT stand in front of the microwave while you are warming it up. A word to the wise is deficient.

Some people are saying that Hillary Clinton is evil, or crazy, or sick, or lying, or taking guns, or losing, or dumb, or crooked, or a murderer. Sad! I am not the type of person to repeat these rumors, but people are saying it. So there must be something there.  So it bears repeating, but I’m not the guy repeating it.  I’m just the guy retweeting it.  Not the same.

In fact, I know there’s “something there.” There’s always something there. I am not losing this election, because I am smart, and smart people are winners, so I’m a winner, which makes me smart, which makes me not dumb, which makes me not a loser.   So for all the people to be saying I’m losing right now means the entire world is rigged. It’s rigged, people. Any time I lose, it’s because someone cheated who wasn’t me. Therefore, I never really lose. Which makes me the biggest winner of all time. At a séance, Julius Caesar and Alexander the Great gave me the rest of the world, just gave it to me, like a purple heart, because next to me they are losers. And also dead. But they said to me “Mr Trump, blah blah blah” because they don’t speak English, which also makes them unusuable to come to this country on one of my world-famous H1-B visas.

The Most Interesting Man in the World? I’m still waiting for my residuals from a MEXICAN BEER stealing my biography. Not even an American beer! Dos Equis! They couldn’t come up with a real American-sounding name like Budweiser, Leinenkugel or like that? I’m sorry to tell you, that the Wall will also keep out non-American beers.  But I have a lawyer looking into the other.  Stay tort-y, my friends.  I invented that line.

Hey, Rhea, I do know this! I am way past half a side of paper so… Nyah! And trees are over-rated. So hoax-y, with the global warming and the climate change and the carbon whatevers. Too much political correctness with the trees and the hugging. It’s disgusting! What’s next, marrying them?

Oh yeah, that reminds me. I beat Lindsey Graham because the gays, they love me. But not like the women do, OK? Nobody loves anybody in the history of the world the way they love me, especially the women, OK? Nobody in the history of the world.  Especially the low education ones.  Especially.  Them.   Low-education, it loves me.  I will be the low-education President.

That’s all I know.

The End

You guys remember Martin Shkrell, the guy who decided to get rich by raising the price of a life saving run from $13.50 to $750 each.

You guys remember when Martin Shkreli was indicted and arrested on changes of securities fraud and free on bail pending trial.

You guys remember when Martin Shkreli endorsed Donald trump for President.

Well, he has a new goal now.

PD is Parkinson’s Disease and levodopa is the drug used to help patients manage the symptoms.

Look, I have not been to psychiatrist school because, let’s face it, I’m not smart enough but I know a cocky loudmouthed rude sumbitch when I see one.

Thanks to Rob for the heads up.

Y’all, Julian Assange says that Hillary Clinton has killed another man. He claims that a 27 year old DNC staffer was on his way to meet with the FBI about an big on-going investigation of the Clintons.

And have they ever investigated the whereabouts of Hillary Clinton when Mother Teresa died?

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

As an addendum to all of the brouhaha surrounding the Trump “Campaign,” commentators and pundits have been noting that yesterday was 13 weeks to Election Day or, put another way, 90 days from today.

Any dates thrown about have been in the context of either 1) the shrinking window of time that Trump has to right the ship or 2) the oodles and oodles of time left before Trump has to right the ship. Except for the most rabid Trumpistas, including the Orange-a-Tan himself, almost everyone else agrees that the ship does indeed need righting.

Captain Trump: I Got This!

Through every late-night Tweet, in every amped up rally, with every news cycle spent explaining the dumb stuff he said in the last news cycle, Donald J Trump not only fritters away time, he saps political will from the very people he needs to bring him across the finish line, where they exist, if they exist. It has been well-documented that he has eschewed the standard model for bringing in votes, which always includes a robust voter-outreach program buttressed by a strong campaign presence on the ground in key battleground states.

Rather than building such an organization of strong, tough, savvy field organizers loyal to the Trump campaign, he is relying instead on the RNC structure already in place, which has not been able to do this kind of heavy lifting for at least 15 years now. The massive amounts of money Trump has on hand despite the johnny-come-lately nature of his fund-raising indicate there are two things he’s not spending money on: ads and staff.

He can get away with the ads thing, kind of, if he is saving his money for an ad blitz later in the Fall. But he can’t build a get-out-the-vote operation that turns the key on Labor Day and expect to make up the ground lost to Team Clinton, who has been building staff, making phone calls, knocking on doors, and funneling all these voter outreach efforts back into a robust data-crunching operation which will enable them to micro-target key demographics in key counties in key states and start getting them to the polls next month.

Yes, I said “next month,” because while the 2016 Presidential Election ENDS on November 8, actual voting begins in half that time. Early voting is right around the corner, and some of these states are KEY to the Trump rust-belt strategy and/or swing states.   Counting Tuesdays until Election Day, and using them as the start of a campaign week, the distribution is as follows (Most Excellent Source):

• Week of 9/20 – Minnesota, Michigan, Vermont
• Week of 9/27 – Illinois, Nebraska
• Week of 10/4 – Montana
• Week of 10/11 – Indiana, New Mexico, Arizona, Ohio, Georgia
• Week of 10/18 – Tennessee, Nevada, Alaska, Arkansas, Colorado, Idaho, Massachusetts, Texas
• Week of 10/25 – Hawaii, Louisiana, Utah, West Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, Florida, DC
• Week of 11/1 – Kansas

The following have early voting dates that vary by county: California, Iowa, Kentucky, Maine, South Carolina, South Dakota, Wisconsin, Wyoming.  And, of course, ALL of Washington State is mail-in ballots.

A REAL campaign knows this, and has people on the ground in all of these states whose job it is to make sure that people get absentee ballots who need them, (like our Juanita Jean is doing with Glen) and that absentee or in-person early votes start to get banked for their candidate on the first day possible.

The Clinton campaign has been identifying these voters for months now in key states, while the Trump campaign still thinks that the real deal of this election doesn’t start until after Labor Day.   Well, Labor Day is September 5, and voting in Michigan begins 19 days later.

The first debate will be held two days later at Hofstra University. If Donald Trump bothers to show up, by the time he steps behind the podium, he will already be losing in Michigan, and in Minnesota, and in Vermont.

I think there’s a better than even chance that he doesn’t even know that.

Guys, our final numbers for the ballot by mail program you so generously supported is just a little under $8,000.  Glen sent me your names and addresses, and I promise to send you a thank you note.  My momma raised me right and that’s what ladies do.

However, you’ll have a wait a week or two because there’s many, many of you and I’m busier than Grandma with ten snakes and one hoe.

I have not forgotten you or my manners, but the manners part will be a little late.

Again, thank you all so much for your help.  Texas is so big and I am so small.