I hate to make any comments until we know exactly what happened.  However, I feel compelled to say that the Dallas Police Department and their Chief of Police just might be our finest.

My heart aches for Dallas.

UPDATE:  I’ve decided to add something.  I write a humor column for OutSmart, an LGBT magazine in Houston.  This is what I wrote last month.

Please tell Congress that we want a vote on gun safety.

Please call (202) 224-3121 and ask to speak to your U.S. Representative in the House. Tell him/her you want to see a vote on the Feinstein “Terror Gap” legislation in the House, NOT the weak Cornyn bill.

Then call Speaker Ryan at (202) 225-0600 with the same exact message.

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OK, I am one of those rare cats who loves both Star Wars and Star Trek.   In 1968, my Halloween Star Fleet uniform became my pajamas for the rest of first grade. I first went to Star Wars in 1977 because I had been jonesing for a space opera since they cancelled Star Trek. I watched almost every episode of The Next Generation on the night it came out. Since Return of the Jedi, I’ve seen every Star Wars movie on opening day, usually at the midnight showing. I’ve seen every Star Trek movie several times (ESPECIALLY the bad ones) and I intend to see this next one several times, as well.

And now, from the franchise that brought you the first interracial kiss on TV, with the release of Star Trek Beyond in two weeks, we FINALLY have a gay character!

In an apparent homage to George Takei, who first came out as gay in 2005, Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu, chief helmsman aboard the Enterprise, is revealed to be raising a daughter with his same-sex partner.

Kudos to director Justin Lin and writer/Mr Scott Simon Pegg (who also had a cameo in the latest Star Wars movie!) for this classy, classy move.

Way to Boldly Go where no Star Trek has gone before!

Marietta, Texas, is of course in East Texas.  It’s half way between Nodamnplace and Mt. Pleasant.

There’s Armadillos there and 52 year old Samuel Ebert was trying to fix that.

He hauled off and fired his gun three times at an armadillo at 3:00 am. Best I know from my vast armadillo experience, armadillos do not routinely glow in the dark. I imagine the only light at 3:00 am in east Texas is neon, not the best for hunting.

In an odd twist of hunting protocol, Samuel Ebert ended up shooting himself.

He claimed the bullet ricocheted off the animal’s hard-shelled armor and plunked him in the head.

Sheriff Larry Rowe countered the explanation, saying the bullet more likely bounced off a rock.

“We got tough armadillos out here. But they’re not that tough,” Rowe told the Daily News.

He ended up with a fractured jaw, and the sheriff knowing he was drunk at 3:00 am shooting at rocks, which might be kinda embarrassing.

Amarillo 1, Rock 0, Samuel Ebert -3.

 

Our Governor has up and decided that all “fetal material” must be either cremated or buried.

Oh no, it’s not just a sick joke.  It’s reality!

And the reasoning behind it?

… the public benefit anticipated as a result of adopting and enforcing these rules will be enhanced protection of the health and safety of the public.

I’d like to see the name of one person in Texas whose health and safety has been bothered.

But, just to make sure that you might not mistake these cowboys for environmentalist, they also include this little ditty.

This proposal is not intended to protect the environment or reduce risks to human health from environmental exposure.

No, this proposal is the Texas Lawyer Full Employment Act.  We are going to spend about as much as it costs to land on Boardwalk with 5 hotels to make abortion as shameful as possible.

We will, by gawd, spend millions of dollars fighting this to the Supreme Court because (1) we can, and (2) hell, it ain’t our money; it’s yours.

Welcome to Unintended Consequences T’eater. I am your host, Primo’s Uncle Jimmy “Barstool” Grobnik.   In tonight’s episode, we’re lookin’ at da unintended consequences of da RNC – dat’s da Republican National Committee – what dey did dat screwed demselfs and ended up wit’ Donald Trump.

So dere’s dese two guys, right? Da Brudders Koch, which is pronounced like da drink, not like anyt’ing in yer pants, like “crotch” or anyt’ing, down ‘ere. Or Cook, which I never unnerstood how K-O-C-H could soun’ like…

[Uncle Jimmy! ]

Barstool: Right, sorry dere, Primo. So da Koch Brudders, dey wanna run da world so dat dere oil comp’ny makes money forever. So dey put summa dere money in different places so as to influence as broad a spectrum… seriously?

[Just read the script, Uncle Jimmy.]

Barstool: Ah, hell! Just lemme tell it my way. So dere’s dese two a-holes dumpin’ money in every conservative purse dey can find in order to have more clout wit’ every’ting.   An dey especially are lookin’ for some kinda front man so dey can run him for President and really start to take over da joint. In our first scene, dey make dere plans. Hey, PETE! C’mere once.

Pete: Whaddya want?

Barstool: Here, read dis.

Pete(reading): “Script for Unintended Consequences T’eater, Episode 1.”

Barstool: Not dat part, furder down, where my finger is. You be Charles. Right dere, read dat.

Pete(reading): “David, we must protect our fodder’s legacy and da Koch name…” are you kiddin’ me?

Barstool: Primo wrote it, we just gotta read it. Plus it’s “da Coke name” not “da Cotch name.”

Pete: Yeah, fine, but who talks dis way?

Barstool: I dunno. Primo wrote it.

[Guys, maybe we skip to scene two. You be Walker and you be Ryan.]

Barstool: How come we got two jailed ex-Illinois Governors innis?

[They’re not those guys.]

Barstool: Says right here: “Governor Walker.”

[That’s Scott Walker.]

Barstool: I t’ought his name was Dan.

[No, Uncle Jimmy, Dan Walker is dead. This is Scott Walker, Governor of Wisconsin.]

Pete: Dan Walker died? When?

Barstool: Wisconsin?! You want me to play some cheesehead governor?

[Walker died last year. Uncle Jim, you can play Paul Ryan if you want.]

Pete: Is he dead?

Barstool: Nah, he’s in jail.

[No, that’s GEORGE Ryan and he is NOT dead and he is NO LONGER in jail.]

Barstool: So where is Paul Ryan from?

[He’s the Speaker of the House and he’s from Wisconsin.]

Barstool: You want me to play a cheesehead CONGRESSMAN?

Pete: I’m readin’ ahead, here. Who is Raints… Prius? Pry-bus?

[That’s Reince Priebus. He’s the head of the RNC.]

Barstool: Where’s he from?

[That’s not important, look…]

Pete: Wisconsin?

[Well…]

Barstool: Ah, crap Primo, dontcha have nobody who’s NOT from Wisconsin?

Pete: How ‘bout dem Cotch Brudders?

[Coke! Look, here’s the deal: the plan was to make Scott Walker the President, and Reince Priebus’ only job was to set all that up to make it happen. He moved the primaries around, moved the convention up, and laid all the groundwork for Walker to run.  He was the front-runner, but then a jillion guys jumped in the race and Donald Trump went gonzo and with a solid third of the GOP vote – the most redneck, illiterate, fascist, racist, misogynist cranks ever to punch a chad – Trump built up an early and, as it turns out, insurmountable, lead in the polls. With no money, no traction and an idiot with a chain gun for a mouth galumphing across the debate stages, Walker bailed before even the first vote was cast.]

Pete: So all da moves da GOP did to avoid da problems of 2012 and all da moves da Kochs did to have all dem Badgers runnin’ da place had da unintended consequences of making Trump da nominee?

Barstool: Hence da T’eater name!

[Exactly! Now, can we do this?]

Barstool: WhatforHowcome? You just did. (reading) “Dis completes our Inarguable Presentation of Unintended Consequences T’eater…”

[“Inaugural”]

Pete: What’s dat mean?

Barstool: It means it’s da first one.

Pete: DERE’S GONNA BE MORE?