Okay, thanks to customer David, we have a Monday Morning Blues cure for you.

Make Your Own Trump Bumper Sticker.

Have fun!

I think we have an answer to the question “Does gun powder blowback cause stoopid?”

Larry Pratt, the executive director emeritus of Gun Owners of America, said on his “Gun Owners News Hour” radio program this weekend that if a Democrat wins the White House and the Supreme Court starts issuing decisions in favor of gun regulations, conservatives may turn to the “bullet box” to rectify the situation.

Larry, Honey, here in the UNITED States of America, we have bigger guns than you do.  I know that you get giant kickbacks from gun manufactures to scare the literal poop outta people who are completely full of poop and want nothing more than being allowed to shoot up their neighborhoods, but shuddup, Larry.

Larry, Babe, the Bundy Boys are in jail and whining that they can’t get private internet connections or Little Debbie Cupcakes with creamy white stuff in the middle.

I can’t help but notice, Larry, that you never served in the military of this country.  So tootle on down to the Marine enlistment headquarters and get over yourself, you goofy old fart.

Thanks to AlanInAustin for the heads up.

Okay, here’s the deal.  I kinda noticed that y’all were ignoring me when you’re posting from the Tell Juanita page.  People who use my regular email address were still talking to me, but the Tell Juanita people weren’t.

Well, come to find out, when Anna The Geek updated the site, the Tell Juanita stuff started going to spam.  Here’s how I deal with spam: I wait a week or so to check it.  By then it has about 1,500 emails in it and that’s way too many to deal with so I just delete them all and start over again.

We are working on fixing it.  Until then, I will check daily.  I promise.  So, later today I am going to read the ones Anna could retrieve.  Go ahead and keep using the Tell Juanita page and we’ll figure it out before long.

On the upside, we stayed dry at the beauty salon by the known scientific measurement of just barely and the fact that the rain the past three days has gone south or north of us.

The river has crested and now the part about helping your neighbor comes into play.

And our Republican County Judge, Bob Hebert, continues to lie just to stay in practice.  He told the newspaper that he came home because “the situation had changed” in the flooding.  No, we knew on Friday that it was going to break all records and Bob left on his cruise on Sunday.  Nothing changed.  Water goes downhill on Monday same as it does on Friday.  That did not change.

He says the #1 reason he didn’t cancel the trip is that it cost him $20,000 and he paid it all months ago. Now he’s saying he took his adult kids on the cruise with him.  Best we can figure, there’s 3 of them plus spouses on this trip.   Okay, here’s the deal.  I went on a Carnival cruise in May on the same damn trip Bob was on.  I stayed in the fanciest room on the boat, did fancy shore excursions, and paid extra for lobster for dinner.  With tax, title, license, and tips, it came to less than $1,500 a person – on the same damn ship Bob Hebert was on.  That was top of the line.  You can’t spend more than that.  Unless … you drink and gamble a lot.  So, 6 people at $1,500 equals … carry the five …. hum … and the answer is – why would he lie about this when there’s people who have math skills and have been on that same ship out of Galveston?  Like I said, he lies just to stay in practice.

He also said he had “no fun” on this trip because he was always on the phone or reading email.  Yeah, that’s what those pictures look like, Bob.

There’s one thing you can say about Rick Perry. He’s classy. Yep, you can say that. You’d be weapons grade deadbutt wrong, but you can say it.  Lightning might strike you as you say, but go on – say it.

I dare you.

Appearing on Fox News on Thursday afternoon, former Texas Gov. Rick Perry said real estate mogul Donald Trump will “peel [Hillary Clinton’s] skin off in a debate setting.”

Peel her skin off?

Holy cow, has Trump put Perry in charge of the torture squads he so fond of?

Peel her skin off?  He couldn’t think of a less grotesque image? This one  makes him look like some Marquis de Sade except way creepier? Yuuuuuuuuge creepy.

Yeah, Rick Perry – debate expert.

I heard Hillary’s speech and loved Trump’s response.

Thanks to Nando for the heads up.

Once upon a time, I used to teach a course on data structures and algorithmic analysis at Elmhurst College, where I had earlier completed my bachelors.  My teaching technique relied heavily on game theory, as it was more fun to teach and learn and the concept of games is very accessible to students.  At the root of most game theory is the concept of an intelligent, rational decision maker, who was proceeding to a goal state (winning) according to a common set of parameters (rules).  Decisions are rendered based on the game state at the time and are are chosen based on heuristics (strategies) that try to measure the game state, anticipate the moves of competitors, encompass possible positive and negative outcomes, and choose between them.

The “anticipating the moves of competitors” part is a tricky bit, but the general rule of thumb is to anticipate that the opponent is also an intelligent, rational decision maker.  If they are not – if they make stupid moves – then your continual heuristic re-assessment of the game state provides you with swifter, surer paths to the goal state: swifter in that it would take fewer turns to win; surer in that random elements of game play would be less likely to hurt you.

All that seemed too easy, so I went into politics.

At first blush, it would seem that the “intelligent, rational decision maker” aspect was the first thing I jettisoned.  “Individuals are smart, but people are dumb,” is one of the mainstays of the political – or any – con game.  The decision makers in elections seem to be the least rational, most difficult actors to anticipate in any game you’ve ever seen.

But they are not the players.  They are the dice.  Their votes are the events that happen within a range of predictable frequencies, whose aggregate effects are to reward the strategies of one player or the other by moving them closer to the goal state.

The players are the campaigns.  These players operate within a set of rules and a common understanding of the transactional nature of the various stratagems they may employ.  Good strategies like Obama’s in ’08 are rewarded for things like choosing Joe Biden as a running mate.  Poor strategies like McCain’s are punished for dumb moves like Palin.  But even that poor strategy came out of an intelligent rational decision maker who simply misread the state of play and ignored the risk of an unvetted choice in order to gain a reward (more women voters, a surer Right flank) that simply wasn’t fully realized.

But now comes Trump.

Trump isn’t simply an irrational, unintelligent decision maker.  He also has no concept of the rules, no understanding of the board, no inkling of the decision-making capability of the opponent and no knowledge of how the dice actually operate.   It’s as if he’s playing chess according to misunderstanding the rules of Hollywood Squares – as long as Donald is the center of the board, he wins.

Not on MY watch, Bubi.

This blew everybody’s mind in the primary – mine included – because the dice were continually in his favor.  In fact, what’s gone wrong is that years of crooked rule-bending, board-tilting and dice-shaving by Republicans backfired on them in a game with 17 players, none of whom could correctly assess the state of play and all of whom assumed that the Republican voters were the rational ones.

So what to do with an irrational unintelligent decision maker playing the wrong rules on the wrong board?

Well, games theory tells us to continue making rational, intelligent decisions based on accurate assessments of the game state and rules and to make Donald pay for his mistakes.

Like Hillary did, yesterday.

Because allowing him to win this game and move on to the next one is the ultimate loss for everyone.

The only winning move is not to play

It’s in Kansas.

A man named Gary Atherton shows up to watch a high school graduation ceremony.  He has a gun in his sock.  To the shock of anyone who has ever carried a gun in their damn sock, it was uncomfortable.

So, he’s twitching all around trying to get comfortable and …

They say it was uncomfortable and he was making an adjustment when the gun went off. Atherton was shot in the foot and a woman at the ceremony was hit by the ricochet.

Police say the accidental discharge of Atherton’s gun occurred in an area of bleachers at Hillier Stadium, where the outdoor commencement was held.

Hence, forevermore he shall be known as Butt Ignorant Limpin’ Gary.

He’s earned it.