The two snake oil salesmen are considering campaigning together.

If they do, I am quitting this job and will volunteer to be a roadie for them.  When they implode, I want to see them fly around the room backwards for days making farting noises. That would be cool to eyewitness.

The reasoning?

“Cruz is being very sly,” a Trump campaign insider told The Daily Beast. “[He] attracts the same types of voter. A lot of second-choice voters for Trump are Cruz people… Cruz wants those votes.”

Hi, Donald.  I am Ted and I am here to cut your throat.

Yep, he’s real.  He filed the paperwork.

Thanks to Glen for the heads up.

If there’s anywhere on earth, outside of Texas, that needs some help in the thinking department, it’s Aladamnbama.

Talisha McCann, a 42 year old resident of Alabama, was caught trying to break into the Franklin County Jail.  Yeah, into.

She was using bolt cutters to make a hole in the damn fence.

“She had two gallon-sized bags of tobacco, a small amount of suboxone strips, and a cell phone that she was trying to get inside,” said Oliver.

McCann faces a list of charges including criminal trespassing, possession of burglar tools and promoting prison contraband.

Oliver said he’s never seen anyone try to break in to a jail before, but says his jailers constantly fight contraband issues.

I guess she never considered that she could throw it over the fence.

Which brings us to Alabama State Representative Ed Henry, a loud Republican.

I would love to disband the Department of Education,” said Henry, who is on the House education budget committee. “That would save the state $1 billion and they don’t do anything, as far as I can tell that they don’t duplicate at the local level.”

I dunno, maybe the local districts aren’t doing such a bang-up job on teaching people the whole go-to-jail, get-out-of-jail concept.

Once he got to pondering on it, Henry admits that most of that money is federal.

But that ain’t all …

Doing away with the education department isn’t the only recent idea of Henry’s to shake up education funding. Last month, he said that if any cuts were going to be made to the state education budget in order to help the General Fund budget, those cuts should come from four-year institutions.

“I believe higher education needs to take the hit,” Henry said. “They have more than they need and when you start measuring return on investment, the four-year institutions, when compared to K-12 and community colleges, are far less of a return on our tax-dollar investment.”

Yeah, damn college educated fancy pants.  Ed Henry didn’t go to no damn college so you don’t need that crap either.

You just gotta love Alabama.

Thanks to Rufus Firefly for the heads up.

Newsmax, a rightwing non-news website, has an offer for you.  If you subscribe for three months, they will send you – absolutely free – a Donald Trump hat.

And there’s an added benefit —

“Wear this cap with pride — show your friends at the golf course, gym, beach — anywhere outdoors you stand for a strong America. And drive your liberal friends nuts too!” the ad continues. “This cap retails for as much as $25 — but you can get it with our FREE Offer today!”

Yes, all the places rich white guys go!

I do not know this for a fact, but I’d be willing to bet you my best pair of pink boots that the hat doesn’t have a union label. And that it comes from China. And is made by children.

There won’t be a damn thing American about this hat except for the dope under it.

Thanks to Chloe Bear for the heads up.

Thank you, Sweet Jesus.

A man accidentally shot himself in the arm at a “Muslim-free” gun range in Oklahoma.

A volunteer group of gun lovers and veterans has been standing guard outside Save Yourself Survival and Tactical Gear in Oktaha after the business owners sent out a Facebook alert claiming they received death threats over their ban on Muslim customers.

The sheriff is not impressed.  I suspect that he might be a tad concerned because there’s a convenience store across the highway where innocent people minding their own damn business are likely to be accidentally shot.

“I saw several of those gentlemen out there yesterday,” said Sheriff Charles Pearson. “The way they were holding their weapons, with the fingers on the triggers, you can tell a couple of these gentlemen have no idea about weapons safety. It’s like the Clampetts have come to town.”

It’s nice to know that somebody in Oklahoma has some damn sense.

Thanks to Irene for the heads up.

When Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton gets sworn in to testify at his own trial, there will be earthquakes, floods, locusts and whatnot because telling the truth is real hard for Ken.

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton said earlier this month he was “overwhelmed” by the “support and encouragement” he and his family received after his securities fraud indictment.

But according to an open records request to Paxton’s office, the attorney general received just seven emails of support through an online contact form in the three days after news of his indictment first broke.

The Open Records Act is a nasty little thing that lets newspapers jab you unmercifully.

There were a couple of doozies amongst the emailings.  Click the little one to read the big one.  Some guys wants him to investigate Benghazi and thinks the Feds indicted him.  Enjoy!

.

Okay, I’ll give him this – they may be small in number but they are, indeed, overwhelming.