Okay, so a Cuban, a Canadian, and white supremacist walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, “What’ll you be having, Mr. Cruz.

Thanks to Elizabeth for the heads up.

Just saying that doesn’t sound right.

The CEO of Go Ape Marketing, a woman, took to her Facebook page about Hillary Clinton running for President.  Cheryl Rios of Dallas announced:

“If this happens – I am moving to Canada. There is NO need for her as she is not the right person to run our country – but more importantly a female shouldn’t be president. Let the haters begin . . . but with the hormones we have there is no way we should be able to start a war. Yes I run my own business and I love it and I am great at it BUT that is not the same as being the President, that should be left to a man, a good, strong, honorable man.”

Honey, Honey, Honey, somebody get a dipstick because Cheryl is about a quart low on estrogen.

Okay, first of all, there’s biology.  Unknown to Cheryl is the fact that after a certain age, hormones don’t jack around with women.  In technical terms this is called Oh Thank God I Lived Long Enough To Enjoy This! Syndrome.

I do not know why Cheryl lacks impulse control because of her hormones but the must be some humdinger hormones.

And then predictably, in narcissistic fashion, The National Review says it’s our fault that Cheryl is an idiot, and spanks us for “shaming” her.

Oh hell yeah, I am shaming her.  Shame on you, Cheryl.  Shame, shame, shame.

The National Review can kiss my big blue proudly prissy butt.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Oh yeah, and don’t let me forget this.  Cheryl wants a “good, strong, honorable man” to be president.  Honey, her party doesn’t have any of those.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz has got himself an idea.

If you raise $500,000 for him, you get to go to his house and have dinner with Ted and his wife.

I was telling Bubba about it last night and he said, “No, I won’t be participating.”

I replied, “What?  You don’t have an extra 500 grand sitting around?”

“Wait!”  Bubba hollered.  “You mean I have to pay him?  Hell, I though the deal was that he’d pay me $500,000 to come to his house.  Damn.  So, the answer is still no.”

Thanks to Fred for the heads up.

Look, if you’re going to be a crook, be a damn crook.  Do not go for the small stuff.  Go big or go home because you’re going to prison whether you steal $500 or $50,000.

San Antonio Criminal Court Judge Angus McGinty is going to the pokey for 2 years after admitting that he accepted bribes.

I solicited and accepted things of value from Alberto Acevedo, Jr., including vehicle repairs to my two Mercedes Benz, my 1992 Mercedes Benz 300CE and my 2001 Mercedes Benz S430. I accepted these benefits knowing that the purpose behind them was to influence me to exercise my official discretion as judge of the 144th Judicial District Court in favor of Mr. Acevedo and his clients.

A state district judge in Texas earns a base salary from the state of $140,000 a year.  The county can kick in extra.  The total value of the car repairs he took comes to about $6,600.

He’s a 51 year old Republican who will go to prison and lose his law license.  Okay, so that’s one down and a whole mess of them varmints to go.

Thanks to OldMayfly for the heads up.

This should have happened in Texas but it didn’t and that’s a damn shame.

Larry McElroy is 54 years old and decided to shoot his 9mm pistol at an armadillo.  As any schoolchild knows armadillos have a semi-bulletproof vest.

The bullet killed the animal, but also ricocheted off of it, hit a fence, went through the back door of his mother-in-law’s mobile home, through a recliner she was sitting in, and into her back.

And the beauty of this story is that Larry’s mother-in-law is gonna live, but only to remind Larry every damn day of his life about that time when he shot her in the back.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.