Macho, macho man.

Yes, indeed.

There’s a whole mess of stoopid in South Carolina but these two seem to be hogging more than their fair share.

This is one of those things you look around to make sure isn’t satire because it sounds like satire, but isn’t.

Rafael Cruz, the father of Tea Party-backed Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), told a conservative media watchdog this week that it was doing what Jesus wanted by fighting the “liberal media.”

I have this image of Sweet Jesus holding a boom box up next to his head, swinging a bat at Rachel Maddow and Ed Schultz and there’s little “Kapow! Bam! Whup!” signs all around Jesus.  And there’s Cruz & Son Funeral Home gathering up the remains and sending the bill to Barack Obama.

And that’s not satire either.  That could really happen.  You know, except for the Jesus part.  I’m pretty sure that Jesus pretty much adores Rachael Maddow.

Thanks to Irene for the heads up.

You know, with all the rumors of Rick Perry being gay, you’d think he’d want to stay away from backdoors while campaigning for President.

Okay, he might be asking because the regular entrance is through the office of the District Attorney he’s accused of extorting.  Or he might be asking so he can sneak in without having a line of reporters and teevee cameras there to welcome him.  But, now that they know …. sorry, Rick.

Or, he might just be a scary-cat little boy.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Remember Allen West from Florida?  Got defeated, gets to be on the teevee.  Got defeated, gets paid to make speeches.  Got defeated, won’t go away.

Former Rep. Allen West (R-FL), a Fox News contributor, suggested this week that focus on nearly 300 kidnapped girls in Nigeria was a “fishy” plot to take attention away from President Barack Obama’s “scandals,” including the terrorist attacks in Benghazi.

In a Monday column on his website, West opined that concern about the terrorist group Boko Haram, which kidnapped the girls, “right now seems fishy to me.”

Yep, the whole thing is made up to distract from Benghazi.  Because Benghazi is the single most important thing on earth.  Maybe even the universe.

Yeah, that’s the ticket.  President Obama is in cahoots with Boko Haram.

“Are we witnessing an Obama ‘Wag the Dog’ moment with Boko Haram in Nigeria? I say yes,” he asserted. “Consider all the scandals facing the Obama administration, especially Benghazi and the Select Committee, which Rep. Nancy Pelosi referred to as a ‘political stunt.’”

It ain’t easy being that crazy, y’all.

Our artist in residence, John, is back to making fun of Republicans because they make it so easy.

Thanks to John Kwitkoski for the art.

John Boehner is a touchy subject here at the beauty salon.  Ever since Dirt Janochek commented about Boehner’s distinctive coloring, “Do y’all suspect that dude farts Cheetos dust?” we are not allowed to mention his name for fear of spoiling Thelma’s lunch snacks.

But, maybe this is good news from a very, very conservative flat-earth website.

John Boehner told business leaders in San Antonio on Monday that he expects to be House speaker next year but is unsure if he will still be in Congress in November 2016.

That’s a good thing because I don’t think he’s going to get along with President Hillary.  And being minority leader is such a demotion!

Ted Cruz is gonna start an international incident.  I just know it.  He’s gonna do it.

He’s running for President so he’s off to show his foreign policy experience.  He has yet to relinquish his Canadian citizenship, which I am convinced he is using for a backup plan if his crazy economic policies don’t work, so God only knows what passport he’s carrying.

U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas will visit Ukraine this month and meet with leaders of the protest movement that forced out the country’s pro-Russian president.

Dates and details of his other stops were not immediately released Tuesday by his office. Ukraine has a May 25 presidential election.

I need to be honest and say that I will pay cash money to see Cruz and Putin wrestle.  Thelma says she’ll pitch in an extra ten bucks if they promise to keep their shirts on.

Now, get this.

Cruz has said the U.S. should install anti-ballistic missile batteries in Poland and the Czech Republic as safeguards for Eastern Europe, and push for liquefied natural gas exports to reduce Ukraine’s dependence on Russia.

You’re going to put antiballistic missiles in Poland?  Oh, that’ll be cheap.  We can totally afford that.  And we’re going to give away liquified natural gas?  What’s that?  Ted’s plan to make America totally dependent on foreign oil?  Plus, it would take 7 to 10 years to develop the method to get it there.

Honey, I live in a part of Texas that up until about 5 years ago had a radio station that broadcasted in Czechoslovakian.  Hell, they don’t even broadcast in Czechoslovakian in Czechoslovakia.  So, I know what I’m talking about.  The Czech Republic has their own natural defense system – accordions.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.