There is not an educated person in Texas who does not cringe at the mention of the Texas State Board of Education.  It has become a nest ‘o nuts.

But, maybe, just maybe, the best is yet to come.

Before I start, I’ll tell you a true, honest to goodness story. About 15 years ago I interviewed a Christian Coalition rightwing guy who was running for school board.  He proudly announced that there are 17,000 functionate illiterates in our district.  I could not help myself.  I couldn’t.  I looked at him and said, “better make that 17,001.”  Needless to say, it was lost on him.

There is woman named Lady Theresa Thombs running for a seat on the State Board of Education.  She lives dangerously close to Fort Worth.  She is running against one of the finest board members we’ve ever had.

She is a Tea Party member.  On her twitter page, she describes herself as “an international evangelist” and real estate agent.  However, on her website, she describes herself as “an international child advocate.”  Apparently, she has been to Mexico over spring break.

And there’s her website, which has been largely scrubbed.

Thombs’ website made its debut last week.

She wrote that she’s running to fight — her spellings — “adgendas and ideoligies.”

That was right after the part about teaching the basics.

Parents are “criticle,” she wrote, and she’s an “advicate” and “expereinced.”

She summed up her “Mission and Issues” as to “stem the tide of our best and brightest teachers leaving the classroom to pursue other carriers, because they can no longer live with the policies and mandates they no are harmful to their students.”

(Some but not all of the spelling problems have been corrected.)

Her website also said that she was named Dame of Justice by the Sovereign Order of the Knights of Justice, which is kinda a coincidence because they named me Dame of Aqua Net.  But, she took down that link.  Maybe she sobered up.  However, I kinda doubt that because her logo still looks like it says BS for Kids.

It does.  Seriously, it does.

I know y’all think we have all the fun in Texas.

We do.

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Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

In case you’re just checking in, Chris Christie is crawling out of his hole to speak to the public at 11:00 am ET, and that would be 10:00 am Texas time, except in this century.  Texas is usually a century behind.

Question:  is that too early for popcorn?  Wine?  Fireworks?  Scorn?

Just asking.  Fun watching.

UPDATE:  Fun thoughts as this goes along.

Oh, I get it.  You know that woman who couldn’t get an ambulance fast enough?  Not victim.  Chris Christie: victim.

Does it bother anyone but me that he left himself wiggle room for any new information that he finds in the future?  You can bet your patootie he knows more information will.

He says, “I am not a bully.”  Or a crook either?

It seems to me that Chris Christie wants you to remember this one thing:  he is the greatest person who ever lived.

Thelma just said, “Honey, we should be there because Christie is passing the bucks.  We need the money.”

Question.  How come Christie has been up soul searching over this for two nights if he only found out about it yesterday morning?  (Okay, he now says he misspoke.)

You know, it appears that Chris Christie doesn’t know much.  Now he’s claiming not to know anything about traffic studies.

With no votes counted, I am ready to declare New Jersey for Hillary Clinton.

How long are they going to let this thing go on?  It’s been an hour.

Okay, those of you who started reading a Russian novel when this press conference started have finished by now.  Christie hasn’t.

“I will apologize for the people under me who lied.”  Really.  How about, “I m sorry to be such a poor damn manager.”

In Ohio on New Years day.

When Andrew Scott Boguslawski was pulled over, the police officer, noticing a bumper sticker that said, “If you can read this, you’re in range,” asked the driver if he had any weapons.

Andrew said nope.

There upon the police officer noticed a large handgun between Andrew’s legs.  Or, at least what he hoped was a large handgun.  The other possibility is just too gross.

So, the police officer decided that maybe a search of Andrew’s car was in order because if you’re lying abut one gun, you might be lying about others.

Investigators found two pistols, two rifles, 48 explosive devices and tools and materials to make additional explosives, according to The (London) Madison Press . Also inside was a remote detonating device, Assistant Madison County Prosecutor Nick Adkins said.

That does not qualify as leftover fireworks.

Thanks to Karl for the heads up.

Hey Chris,

How’s it going?

Well, that was probably the wrong way to start.  You ain’t having a star spangled day, right?

I just read this at CNN.

E-mails emerged on Wednesday purportedly from top aides to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie bolstering suggestions that George Washington Bridge lane closures last year that tied up traffic stemmed from a political vendetta and not bureaucratic incompetence as his administration claimed.

I know you want to be president one day and people generally don’t mind political vendettas.  In fact, most folks kinda enjoy them.

Except, of damn course, when it means they have to pay for it by sitting in damn traffic which you damn caused.  That’s when they say, “Well, Damn Chris Christie.  He ain’t sitting his bohunkus in this traffic.”

And, you know about that whole The Buck Stops Here thing?  Dude, you missed the bus.  You’re so out there that you won’t get the Today Show until tomorrow.

Christie said in a statement that “what I’ve seen today is unacceptable,” adding that he was “misled by a member of his staff” and knew nothing about what had transpired.

Now how long did that take you?

Sweetie, I could have told you two months ago before all this started that you cannot trust Republicans.  Most of them lie so much that they have to hire someone to call the dogs.  Hell, they’ll lie when the truth makes a better story.  Sometimes they lie just to stay in practice.

A source close to Christie said “there will probably be some sacrificial firing and that’ll be it.”

Come clean or go home, Darlin’.  People won’t mind if you mess around on your wife, if you start a war just for the helluva it, or scream You Lie at the State of the Union Address.  You’ll still be reelected.  But, traffic.  Well, that’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax.

And, by the way, when are public officials going to learn that emails from the office belong to the public?  Seriously, didn’t you learn anything from Jack Abramoff?

Love and Fried Okra,
Juanita Jean Herownself

Okay, if somebody asked you to name the five airports in the United States where the most guns are confiscated, you’d think a Texas airport would certainly make the list.  But, twice?

Dallas-Fort Worth and Houston’s Bush Intercontinental Airport were second and third only to Atlanta when it comes to the number of loaded or chambered handguns confiscated at TSA checkpoints during 2013, according to the Medill National Security Journalism Initiative.

I hope you’re not wearing your good socks because this part will blow them off.

According the Medill report, the number of guns found has been increasing steadily since 2010, when just over 1,120 were discovered.

Holy cow.

We gun toting states just keep getting dumber by the year.

Now you know as well as I do that they’re only catching about half the people with guns, which makes me get paranoid on airplanes.

I would like to apologize for Texas not because we have too damn many guns but because we have too damn many guns in the hands of dog dump dumb people.