The Republican primary in Texas is a damn war.

And, as if we weren’t having enough fun, in prances a brand spankin’ new filly to the battlefield.

Pete Sessions, who you’ve heard me call Pistol Pete because he eats bullets for breakfast and shoots off his mouth all day, is facing upstart Tea Party Honey Katrina Pierson in the Dallas area primary.

Pierson was little more than a gnat for Sessions and even Michelle Malkin coming to Texas to campaign for her maybe got her an extra hundred grand to face Sessions’ millions.

But whoa cowboy, now Rafael Cruz, Ted’s double down crazy dad, is endorsing her and you know how much we value crazy in Texas.  Well, maybe you don’t.  Let me explain – we once put Ross Perot in charge of education.  That’s a true testament to how much we love crazy.

Pistol Pete and his posse are whistling pass the graveyard on this one.

Former Dallas County Republican Party Chairman Jonathan Neerman, a Sessions supporter, said the Cruz endorsement would not be a big boost for Pierson.

“He’s speaking for himself,” Neerman said. “Ted Cruz has not endorsed in this race.”

Oh, really?  Rafael Cruz is just Ted Cruz with a little extra whoopee on top.  His endorsement is a diamond in the crazy crown.  Hell, if Greg Abbott becomes governor, he’ll probably put Rafael Cruz in charge of education.

Yes, there is a Democrat in the race, Frank Perez, a lawyer and former police officer.

It’s Virginia Beach.

Police say the homeowner accidentally shot himself around 6 a.m. this morning.

Police say the homeowner thought someone was breaking into his home.

He went looking for who he thought was an intruder – when his gun accidentally went off.

He does know which way to point it, right?

Now crooks will feel perfectly safe breaking into his house.  Dude, you might as well have hung a sign on your door.

Thanks to tucsonbarbara for the heads up.

Des Moines, Iowa.  Two brothers, both in their 50’s, get into a fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  It quickly escalated into a serious situation.

The victim told police that his brother, Jerome Davis, “made three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ate them in the living room. Within the next hour, the suspect made another three of these peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bringing his total consumption of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to six. This angered the victim…”

Now, my Momma taught me some important things.  The main one is that you should never pick a fight with someone who is in the kitchen.  There are weapons in the kitchen, not even counting the damage you could do with a MixMaster.

So Jerome, dangerous hyped up on six peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, decided he had just about enough of his brother making fun of his eating habits.  Words like “lazy” and “eating again” started getting tossed around.  Them’s fightin’ words.

Davis then pulled out a folding knife and held it to the face of his brother, threatening to cut him, according to the report.

When police arrived, they took two folding knives from Davis, who told police he had made the threats against his brother because he wouldn’t “shut the (expletive) up and mind his own business.”

And that’s how Jerome Davis ended up in the Polk County Jail charged with domestic violence.  I like to think his brother is at home finishing off the peanut butter.  No mention in the police report if it was smooth or crunchy.  I’m betting crunchy.

Thanks to Monty for the heads up.

If you thought for one minute that things might have calmed down in the GOP, you would be wrong.  There ain’t no Kumbaya in the Republican Congress.

Peter King of New York took on Rand Paul of Kentucky.  And it wasn’t pretty.

Appearing on Fox News Channel on Sunday, Rep. Peter King (R-NY) defended the National Security Agency from attacks on its intelligence gathering practices. He specifically said the charges made against the NSA by Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) are “lies” and that he “doesn’t deserve to be a U.S. Senator.”

Nice to see you catching up there with the rest of us, Peter.  Of course, Rand Paul could respond with “I’m rubber and you’re glue …” and I’d switch sides and agree with him.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

If you’re just getting up, please allow me to be the first to deliver some fabulous news.

Liz Cheney is ending her campaign for Senate in Wyoming, the Republican announced in a statement early Monday morning.

Citing health concerns in her family, Cheney said the issues arising prompted her to end her GOP primary challenge to Sen. Mike Enzi (R-Wyo.).

Yes, health concerns, you know, because her Dad has been the picture of health for the past two decades.

It’s more like the health of poll results.

Republicans — including some Cheney supporters — privately expressed surprise at Cheney’s move, though she is also said to have been discouraged by Enzi’s persistent polling lead and apparent determination to buck pressure to retire.

Ya think?

She should win some sort of award for the damn mess she left behind her.  What a spoiled brat.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

A picture is worth a thousand words.  (Click the picture to see it full size.)

Thanks to Dori for the heads up.