I think we need a scorecard for the Republican primary.  We should give point on which candidates support the most gun un-laws.

Today Greg Abbott went down to Corpus Christi to speechify instead of doing his job in Austin.  Now understand I’m not complaining about that because Texas is far better off when Greg Abbott doesn’t do his job.

Republican candidate for governor Greg Abbott said Tuesday he supports making it legal to openly carry handguns in public…

The Texas attorney general promised that if elected he also would support allowing guns on college campuses.

I have a bet with Thelma, $10 cash money and a trip to the All You Can Eat Chili and Donut Emporium, that by mid January, all the Republican candidates will be wanting a law forcing anyone of the age of 7 to openly carry a weapon and 40 rounds of ammo in their back pocket.

And in the Texas Lt. Governor race, it’s gonna be the first one to actually shoot a kill somebody.

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Finland?  Seriously?  Finland?  Finland and Tokyo?  He knows Tokyo ain’t a country, right?

Thanks to Frank for the heads up.

Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, put a wall to the right of Joe Barton.  You can slam head first into that wall but you are not getting through because beyond that wall lies the Kraken.

Joe Barton is the Texas congressvarmint who apologized to BP for our sand getting into their oil.  He is also the guy who stopped research into into autism because he feared it would sow that pollution was the cause.  No, seriously.  He is that freekin’ evil.  They call him Smokin’ Joe because he loves pollution.  He makes the Tea Party look like bunch of liberals at a Karl Marx birthday celebration.

Seriously, he’s proud of this picture

Okay, remember the group of wee winkie guys who protested the four women meeting for sense able gun control?  Well, the agent agent provocateur of that group, Kory Watkins, has announced that he is going to run against Joe Barton in the GOP primary because Barton is not conservative enough.

Summon the Kraken.

If you feel the need to carry a gun bigger than your arm to the grocery store, that’s a psychological problem, not a self defense one.  Plus, I hate people who prance around the grocery store pushing their cart with one arm because nine times out of ten the cart wheels aren’t on straight and they crash their wiggling cart into me.

Think of the logistics of this.  Where the hell is that rifle pointing when he kneels down to put the milk in the bottom half of the cart?  It’s either pointed at the person in front or behind him, and frankly, I’d prefer to be neither place.  Ever.  Even when he’s not armed.  This guy has creepy eyes.

And then I have another problem with this guy.  He’s claiming to be a freedom fighting Uhmerkun, and plenipotentiary of the Second Amendment but when he puts on his fanciest clothes and poses, look what he’s carrying.  A Russian made weapon.

What?  He couldn’t find a spare Iranian nuclear weapon to carry around?

The mere fact that guy with this much of an inferiority complex is walking the street concerns me.  And by concerned, I man “makes me snicker.”

I’ll keep y’all updated on this race because I ain’t missin’ one minute of it.  There’s gonna be weird stuff happening.

Oh Dear Lord Louie Gohmert (that’s his full name) has decided that President Obama is establishing a “security force” under the Affordable Healthcare Act and God only knows what they’re going to do but it couldn’t be good because, you know, there’s a black man involved.

The congressman, for his part, wondered about “the provisions in [Obamacare] for the President’s own Commissioned and non-Commissioned Officer Corps,” speculating that these officers could be deployed in non-health related emergencies. “Are they using weapons to train or are they being taught to use syringes and health care items?” he asked.

But once Oh Dear Lord Louie Gohmert gets on a roll, you have no idea where he’s gonna end up in his pinball machine of a mind.

Gohmert said that he would investigate the “secret security force” in Minnesota and Wisconsin, adding the caveat that he wouldn’t mind it if it was “something that’s going to protect the borders.”

Minnesota and Wisconsin?  Damn Canadians.  Or maybe it’s Iowa he’s scared of.  You never know.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

The Supremes have turned down taking up the Oklahoma undamnconstitutional law that forces a woman to look at an ultrasound of a fetus prior to having an abortion.

The decision Tuesday leaves intact an Oklahoma Supreme Court ruling that struck down the law on the basis that it ran counter to the top court’s precedent on abortion restrictions and placed an unconstitutional burden on abortion rights.

It marks the second time in just two weeks that the top court had rebuffed a chance to review an Oklahoma court ruling that struck down a restriction on abortion.

Hey Oklahoma, kiss my big bus butt.  You lose, you rightwing losers.

Odds are pretty good that I won’t like anything else The Supremes do this year so maybe we should at least celebrate that.

Thanks to Maggie Mc for the heads up.

I hardly know where to start.

Barry Smitherman was a Rick Perry discovery.  Perry appointed him to the Public Utility Commission and from there to the Texas Railroad Commission which regulates not railroads, but oil and gas.   We suspect that Perry thought the Railroad Commission Chairman drove the trains and blew the whistles.  And, to be honest, Smitherman is perfectly qualified for that job.  Oil and gas, not so much

Now Barry is running for Texas Attorney General.  If you go to his website, you are greeted with an angry black man who wants to take away your freedom.

He says he’s sued Obama seven times.  What he doesn’t say is how many time he’s lost.  That would be seven.

But that’s just the basement.  Barry has built himself a whole tower of ignorance.

Barry believes, and strongly announces, that aborted fetuses would have voted Republican.  Since polling data was unavailable at press time, Barry offers this evidence.

“What we’ve seen in our state is that Republicans are more pro-life than Democrats. Let’s hypothetically ask an unborn child: ‘Here’s the Republican position on life, here’s the Democrat. If you’re born, which way would you vote?'” Smitherman told The Associated Press in a recent interview.

“I think they vote Republican,” he added. “To me it was pretty simple.”

Then he defended a group called “Crusaders for Yahweh” when complaining that the Southern Poverty Law Center’s materials should not be used in Texas classrooms when discussing To Kill a Mockingbird.  Of course, Crusaders for Yahweh is a well documented racist group.  Barry says he didn’t know that, which is not surprising considering the list of things Barry doesn’t know.

Barry doesn’t believe in climate change.  And he has proof, dammit.

“Climate change is, in my estimation, not an issue associated with co2 and greenhouse gasses,” he said, referring to carbon dioxide emissions.

Meanwhile, Smitherman’s ready with a comeback for critics who blame climate change for Superstorm Sandy and other recent weather catastrophes.

“You’re talking to a guy from the Texas Gulf Coast where we get hurricanes a lot,” Smitherman said. “But, if you’ve noticed, we’ve not had a bad storm in the last couple of years.”

So there’s that.  No hurricanes in Barry’s backyard in Austin, no problem.

He also retweeted a list of U.S. Senate Republicans who voted for an ultimately unsuccessful federal gun control bill next to the word “Treason” and a noose.

He now says he didn’t see the noose. No kidding, he said that.  Didn’t see it. Slipped his eye site.  Click the little one to see the big one and make a note somewhere of the first thing you see.

And he gleefully announced that if the United States collapses, Texas can survive on its own.  Just ask the fetuses.

Thanks to Maggie for the heads up.

A man in Maine shot off his face while jacking around with a .270-caliber hunting rifle.  You might want to write this down somewhere:  Do not clown around with a .270 caliber hunting rifle.  It should be like a plastic bag and have a warning on it – “This is not a toy.  Keep away from idiots.”

Dale Poulin, 31, of Ash Street, was visiting friends at 218 College Ave. around 9 p.m. Wednesday and exchanging hunting stories when he went outside and brought in a .270-caliber hunting rifle. At one point, Poulin put the barrel of the rifle under his chin and pulled the trigger, said Waterville Police Chief Joseph Massey.

Yes, there was alcohol involved.  What are you?  Stupid?

And then in the understatement of the year, Police Chief Massey says —

Massey said the accident illustrates the dangers of improperly and unsafely handling firearms.

But let’s not stop there.

“Guns and alcohol – they just don’t mix,” he said. “Dangerous combination.”

Ya think?

Thanks to Jean for the heads up.