Okay, in the ever expanding list of Texas blubbering idiots that we amusingly call congressvarmints, Steve Stockman is a whole sub genus of his own.

He was in congress once before but got defeated because he was nuts.  Seriously.  Did crazy crap.  Then along comes the Tea Party and suddenly Stockman, who has been homeless a few times, finds his home.

But even though he now gets a paycheck and mostly lays low, but sometimes not, things are not going well.   The Houston Fire Marshall shut down his campaign headquarters / motorcycle shop / flophouse.

The headquarters had been housed since early 2012 in a former motorcycle shop along the Gulf Freeway. Campaign staffers and volunteers had been both working and sleeping there, even though the commercial building was considered unsafe for human habitation, according to Webster city records and an interview with assistant fire marshal Warren Chappell.

It appeared that 6 to 8 people were both living and working there.  His campaign finance reports show he bought “bedding at WalMart for volunteers” in February of 2012.

His campaign is $100,000 in debt.  He fired his campaign treasurer and never replaced him, which of course means he can’t raise money.  However, last week he had a $1,000 a plate fundraiser in DeeCee with special guest Eric Cantor.  I’ll give you two to one odds that Stockman introduces a bill to abolish the FEC.

So while Stockman racks up debt living high on the hog at $1,000 a plate dinners, his staff is living in a flophouse that is a fire hazard.  With WalMart bedding.

Yep.  The NRA endorsed Stave Stockman.  Whadda guy.

Texas golfer Lee Trevino used to say, “We all leak a little oil but the good ones control the flow.”

It appears that Texas has lost control.

Welcome to Milford, Texas, which is just south of Dallas.  Homes and schools were evacuated last week when an explosion happened at an active drill site after crews punctured the pipeline.  The pipeline is owned by Chevron.

While initial tests by the EPA show the air around the blast site was not toxic, officials are recommending that no one return to the area for 24 hours, the county judge said. Chevron is also monitoring a 14-inch gas line near the ruptured one.

It appears that no one was hurt.  This time.

We like our fireworks real big in Texas.  We also like to limit liability and adore tort reform.

Thanks to Jaguar Pete for the heads up.

Louie is fit to be tied over Israel again.  He says the President is going to hell in a hand basket because … well, the Bible says so.

Gohmert accused President Barack Obama of pursuing policies not in Israel’s best interest. He mentioned the administration’s support for Israel signing an international Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, and quoted Genesis 12, implying the consequences of “betraying” Israel.

“It seems appropriate … ‘I will bless them that bless thee and curse them that curse thee,’” Gohmert said.

I will give Louie a shiny new nickel if he would read Genesis 12 out loud to me.  Especially the part when  Abram got to Egypt and he made his beautiful wife lie and say that she was his sister so that the Pharaoh would take her into his house and give Abram lots of cool stuff, you know, like “sheep, and oxen, and he asses, and menservants, and maidservants, and she asses, and camels.”

And God rewarded Abram for his lies and brought plagues on the Egyptians for believing the lies.  That’s the Fox News marketing plan.

So, Abram whored out his wife for livestock.  And that’s where the Republicans got their economic plan.

Thanks for that Genesis 12 reminder, Louie.

Thanks to Bananas for the heads up.

Best You Tube Ever.

A little girl’s first time walking on ice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RjHIObu6vg

This is the story of my life in 15 seconds.

Okay, so you get to hear some very cool rumors because – and you’re damn lucky that I stayed in Texas — I live in Tom DeLay’s old Congressional District.

The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., used to be represented by the most arrogantly evil man in Congress, Tom DeLay.  Now it is led by the most sadly pathetic man in Congress, Pete Olson.  Honestly, they call him “Furniture” because his desk is smarter than he is.  Add to that the fact that he has a speech impediment and you cannot understand a word he says.  He’s goofy looking and we’re not entirely certain that he dresses himself.  But, he is, and always will be a place holder.  He’s Phil Gramm’s puppet.

Within days of Tom DeLay’s conviction reversal by Republican judges, Tom began talking about running for his old seat again.  He’s decided it’s too soon this time since the filing deadline in Texas for the 2014 election is December 9th, but he wants to run as a vindicated persecuted hero in two years.

No, seriously, my phone has been ringing like a bad handbell choir with people anxious to tell me that Tom is doing a Reunion Tour.  He wants to go back to Congress.  I saw him get handcuffed and hauled off myownself.  I was there having a party the night before and the day after.  I never wanted to see him again.

Yes, of course, I still have my Tom DeLay chicken.

Okay, so Pete didn’t know he was a place holder and got to liking all the attention he gets as a congressman.  If I’m hearing about Tom’s plans, you know that Pete is, too.  So ….

Pete had decided to lead a movement to impeach Eric Holder.  He got 20 other Republicans to sign on with him, 8 from Texas. Yeah, his desk would have gotten at least 26.  Furniture.  Bless his heart.

Now we have 99 problems in my congressional district, and maybe Eric Holder is one of them, I dunno, but even if he is, he’s gotta be like 96 or 97 on the list.

Pete Olson needs headlines to beat Tom DeLay.  So, Holy Crap!, watch Mr. Placeholder become Louie Gohmert, Jr.

I swear that my congressional district is snakebit.  Somebody throw some chlorine in the hot tub – Tom is back.

Okay, your guess is going to be as good as mine.  Is this satire or not?

Using undisputed classified documents and photos, an anonymous whistleblower has revealed that thousands of women’s rest rooms in federal buildings have been fitted with cameras above and below the commodes, in a clandestine federal program to monitor potential terrorism and prevent rape.

“The leaker who illegally revealed this program will be found and prosecuted,” said House Intelligence Chair Congressman Mike Rogers. “There hasn’t been a single complaint about it, proof positive that it hasn’t invaded anyone’s privacy or harmed anyone until this leaker’s reckless actions.”

Commodes?  Leaker?  That’s just too clever to be true, right?

On the other hand … Who the hell knows?  They might have done that.

I flipped the coin and am going with satire.

All this is getting way too difficult for me.

Personally, I think satire died last night when the Mayor of Toronto discussed his dietary habits last night on the live electric television.  And the first sumbitch who tells Momma what he said is gonna get cut.   And will go straight to hell, too.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.