Greg Abbott will be Wendy Davis’ opponent if she runs for Governor.

Today he came out for discrimination and against a 16-year-old dachshund.

Tomorrow: apple pie.

Run, Wendy, Run.

The drought has gotten so bad in Texas that the cow are giving powered milk and we have three year old ducks who don’t know how to swim.

Since Governor Perry swears it has nothing to do with climate change, all we’re left with is the reassuring and abiding belief that God does not listen to Rick Perry’s prayers.  I find some comfort in that.

Texas now publishes a big ole honkin’ list of places where the water has gone missing.

Customer Bernie has an idea. Maybe if immigrants brought water over in their calves?

Couldn’t hurt.

Thanks to Bernie for the heads up.

Sweet Jesus is the major endorser for any public office in Texas and since he tends to phone it in, it’s up to voters to believe which candidate is telling the truth about Jesus’ endorsement.

In the race for Texas Attorney General, three Republicans claim the coveted Jesus Endorsement.

Three Republicans vying to become Texas’ next attorney general say an anti-discrimination measure proposed in San Antonio would discriminate against “people of faith” by suppressing their views about gay people.

The candidates — state Sen. Ken Paxton of McKinney, state Rep. Dan Branch of Dallas, and Railroad Commissioner Barry Smitherman — have expressed opposition in recent weeks to the proposed updates to a San Antonio ordinance through letters to city officials, online petitions and media interviews.

The measure would add sexual orientation and gender identity to the kinds of discrimination forbidden by the city code. Provisions to protect veterans also are included but will face a separate council vote.

Being nice to all God’s children has already become the law in five of the Texas’ largest cities.  The Republicans argue that being a “person of faith” gives you the right to discriminate and torment people that you don’t like even if they are also persons of faith.  It seems to me there’s not much faith involved here.

It’s about Freedom of Speech.

“It attempts to stop my freedom of speech by suppressing my point of view,” said Smitherman, 55. “You may disagree with my point of view, you may think I’m an idiot or a redneck for that point of view, but it’s not speech that incites riot and it’s not speech that is intended to cause harm.”

Dude, thank you for affirming my idiot redneck thought.

Smitherman is free to use slurs against anyone he wants to in the name of Sweet Jesus.  He just can’t do it in the public workplace where taxpayers are paying him to do it.  And I suspect he is, in fact, asking for a riot if he calls me any word meant to demean women.

Of course demeaning speech is meant to cause harm.  What other reason would you use it?

These Republican guys are so dense that gravity increases around them.

Maybe it would help if they could come up with a list of people we’re supposed to hate and be mean to in Jesus’ name, amen.

Laura Ingraham is one goofy human being.  I know I am unfair to her because her voice drives me right up the wall.  It sounds a whole lot like a teaspoon caught in the garbage disposal.  So when she says something wacko, I generally have to read it because actually listening to it makes me grind my teeth for a month.

She has a radio show.  Don’t just just beat all?  Someone who is pleasant looking but has a horrible voice ends up with a radio show.  Yeah, Republicans.

On the radio yesterday, she played a clip from a speech by John Lewis at the anniversary of the I Have a Dream Speech by Dr. Martin Luther King.  In my mind, John Lewis is a genuine American hero.  He is a man who has stood with dignity and courage in the face of the most awful and disgusting attempts to silence him.

To make her point about immigration, Ingraham played a portion of Lewis’ speech.

“We must say to the Congress, pass comprehensive immigration reform,” Lewis said. “It doesn’t make sense that millions of our people…”

But the congressman’s remarks were interrupted by a loud echoing gunshot followed by a few moments of silence. Ingraham offered no explanation for the sound effect.

Real classy, Ingraham.  Ya know, if all things were equal and the choice of me being a Democrat or a Republican boiled down to which party you belonged to, I’d chose the opposite because you’re a disgusting, hateful, narcissistic bimbo.  And that’s your good side.

Gunshots.  Good God, woman, what is wrong with you?

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

I know y’all are going to be shocked, shocked I tell you, that Texas Lt. Governor David Dewhurst’s pronouncement that the Texas Department of Public Safety confiscated  jars of urine and feces at the women’s rights debate at the State Capitol is a much bigger event than originally suspected.

David Dewhurst

Turns out that those jars were freekin’ invisible.

Hellfire, that ought to win us some kind of Nobel science prize or something.  I mean it’s just not every day that invisible matter shows up, much less at the Texas Capitol.

Documents released Monday by the Texas Department of Public Safety’s provided no new evidence that officers found one jar of urine and 18 containers of feces at the Capitol before a July 12 debate on a controversial abortion bill.

The story is taking some odd twists.  Lots of trial balloons are going up.

One says they didn’t actually confiscate the bottles but just asked people to throw them in the garbage, which should trigger an EPA investigation and an environmental impact study.  Oops, sorry, my mistake.  It wouldn’t.  This is the Texas Capitol where feces freely flow.

Another story says they didn’t confiscate and mark the items because they didn’t have time what with all those crazy women running around.  Oh, but they had time for a press release and much indignation from the Lt. Gov’s office.  Of course, you do have to consider that they have indignation on tap at the Lt. Gov.’s office.

Of course, none of the stories says, “We just made this crap up,” followed by hysterical laughter at their ability to understand puns.

So, the DPS looks like Barney Fife and the Lt. Gov. looks like he’s once again the official tools of the State of Texas.

And all this was done in search of a probable cause for confiscating tampons at the state capitol during a public hearing.  They are saying they took the tampons because they found jars of crap.  Close, but no cigar.  They took tampons because they are full of crap.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Y’all, I think Bobby Jindal is off his rocker.

Apparently, people in Washington, DeeCee, last week celebrating the 50th Anniversary of Dr. King’s I Have a Dream Speech upset Bobby something powerful.

He got to jabbering that what is wrong with this country is that people hang on to their heritage.

Jindal lamented that minorities place “undue emphasis” on heritage, and urged Americans to resist “the politically correct trend of changing the melting pot into a salad bowl” comprised of proudly ethnic identities.

Jindal insisted that, “while racism still rears its ugly head from time to time” since Martin Luther King Jr.’s iconic “I have a dream” speech, the major race problem facing modern America is that minorities are too focused on their “separateness”

Oh no, you did not say that while standing in the South where “Southern Heritage” is the excuse always used to fly the Stars and Bars.   Good heavens, Bobby, you’re just one generation away from being Paula Deen.

Oh no, you did not say that in the state where Cajun and Creole folks still fight with each other over who has the best food, the finest wimmen, and the meanest football team.  I mean physically fight each other.

Hell, Bobby, you live next door to a state that still calls the Civil War the War of Northern Aggression.

Bobby, we could run you through a meat grinder and you’d still be an idiot.

Thanks to Kathleen for the heads up.