Michele Bachmann is not going to run for re-election.

Her decision was not based on:

1.  The pending investigation against her for misuse of campaign funds.
2.  Her slow decline into faith based rabid hysteria.
3.  The alignment of Saturn and Mars causing a really pissed-off Zeus.
4.  Her husband impulsively spending their entire life savings on an adorable frock.
5.  She saw how great Sarah Palin looks with Botox and bulimia.

No, siree, she is not going to run again because …

“The law limits anyone from serving as president of the United States for more than eight years,” she said. “And in my opinion, well eight years is also long enough for an ind to serve as a rep for a specific congressional district.”

Yeah, Honey, ‘cuz she is just like the President.

Marshall, Texas, is in northeast Texas and is famous for its pottery.

And Pentecostals.

An East Texas pastor has been sentenced to two years in prison for an online chat from church with an alleged 14-year-old girl who turned out to be a Louisiana trooper.

Raymond Earl Cooper also received 10 years’ probation during his sentencing Wednesday. He’s the former minister for First Church of the Nazarene in Marshall. Cooper pleaded guilty Tuesday to online solicitation of a minor.

Prosecutors say Cooper used a church computer to solicit a person he thought was a girl from Lafayette, La.

A jury gave him 2 years prison time and ten years probation.  They took away his preachin’ license.

I’m not saying that every Pentecostal preacher in East Texas is a pervert.  I am, however, saying that every pervert seems to be a Pentecostal preacher.

Thanks to Michael for the heads up.

In Kansas, GOP lawmakers want unemployment recipients to take drug tests.

Democrats said oh sure, we’ll do that just so long we “require drug tests of businesspeople controlling companies that get economic incentives from the state.”  Republicans, of course, balked. They called it political grandstanding.  Pot, meet kettle.

Then Democrats added themselves and their their fellow lawmakers to the bill.

That’s when the Republican lawmakers stomped their feet.

Look, I am opposed to drug testing politicians.  I favor IQ testing instead.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Thanks to Merideth for the heads up.

The Texas Lege went into special session yesterday.  For you folks from outta town, the Lege only meets every other year for a few months.  That’s all the punishment we can take.

The purpose of the special session is redistricting.  Michael Li explains all the foreign language involved in redistricting – including CVAP, preclearance, and coalition district.  For the average citizen in Texas, redistricting is like God – nobody understands it, you can’t see it, and you have to accept it on faith.

Redistricting is supposed to be the only topic in the special session but rumor has it that 60 GOP Legers have written a letter to the Gov wanting to have more anti-choice on abortion bills during the special session.  It seems that Democrats – although in the minority – did surprisingly well during the regular session on women’s issues.  Republicans just now noticed it.  When ya hit them on the head with a hammer, it’s at least two days before they say ouch.

Pray for us because by law Rick Perry determines what issues can be discussed in special session.  The downside is that he’s crazy.  The upside is that he can’t remember more than two things at once.

And, for those of you keeping score, Rick Perry has now hacked off his own party and made money laundering legal in Texas politics.

The measure, SB 346, would have required 501(c)4 social welfare groups that spend more than $25,000 in a calendar year on political expenditures to disclose contributions above $1,000.

Even fellow Texas Republicans are calling it shameful and it passed overwhelmingly in both the House and the Senate.  We can only guess when and where Rick Perry wants dirty money.

I don’t know about your neck of the woods, but Memorial Day weekend in Texas involves shootin’ people.

A son accidentally shot himself and his mother.  His mother.  His damn mother.  And what were they doing?

Around 10:15, police responded to reports of a shooting on Prior Park near Palcio Real.  When they arrived at the scene, they found a man with a gunshot wound to his hand, and a woman who had been shot in the stomach.

According to reports, a group of family and friends was gathered together drinking in the garage of a home on Prior Park.  Police said one man pulled out his gun to show it off, when he accidentally fired it.

We don’t have basements in Texas so we use our garages as rec rooms.  It generally involves a barbeque pit on the driveway.

And, of course, next there comes young love.  A 16 year old boy was shot in the neck as he opened the front door.  He is being called “an innocent bystander.”

[Uncle Joe] Moreno told Local 2 the 14-year-old sister’s ex-boyfriend was angry at her and either came to the house or sent a friend there to retaliate. But it was the girl’s 16-year-old brother who was home alone when he answered the door and was shot.

Because nothing says I love your little underage sister like a gun.

And one that involves far amusement, a Marine from Camp Lejeune came to Texas and began randomly shooting people from his pick up truck.

Firing randomly from his pickup truck on Sunday, Smith killed a 41-year-old woman and wounded five people, including the county sheriff, in Concho County, about 250 miles southwest of Dallas, authorities said.

The gunman was killed in a shootout with a Highway Patrol trooper and a game warden who arrived to assist the sheriff, the statement said.

Damn.