Sugar Land, Texas, is the home of Tom DeLay, and they actually let him live there.  You’d think that alone would make them shameless.

As one of the most affluent, self-important, and Republican cities in Texas, they’ve been given a rare opportunity to finally be known for something better than the home of Tom DeLay.

A city in Texas has been offered $4.65 million to be renamed after a dating website. SugarDaddie.com, a website that links rich older men with younger women, is celebrating a decade of intergenerational matchmaking by trying to rebrand affluent Sugar Land, TX, as “SugarDaddie.com, U.S.A.” Mayor James A. Thompson politely declined the company’s initial offer of $500,000, leading them to return with a bumped-up bid.

So, Thompson is holding out for more money?

Word on my side of the Brazos River says that Sugar Land is holding out for LyingWhores.com,  WhiteBread.us, or WeHaveBetterCarsThanYouDo.org

Thanks to TexasEllen for the heads up.

Uh, not unless we let high school sophomores who just finished reading “Atlas Shrugged.”

But, Rand Paul thinks we’re finally ready for him.  He’s considering running for President.

“I would absolutely not run unless it were to win,” the Kentucky Republican said on “Fox News Sunday.” “Points have been made, and we we will continue to make points. But I think the country is really ready for the narrative coming — the Libertarian Republican narrative.”

Voters want a “different face,” he said.

Yeah, especially one with a dead squirrel on top.

All that self-indulgence from Ayn Rand can only lead to delusions of grandeur.   Ron Paul got .02% of the vote when he ran in 2012.  Key to that number?  The stoners forgot to vote.

…. George P. Bush.

Speaking at the Institute for Policy Innovation last Friday, George P – who appears to have taken over Dubya’s job of being Fredo of the Bush Family – made a fun statement.

George P. Bush said Friday that conservative Republicans could compete for Hispanic voters and still remain true to their core values.

“We don’t have to sell out our principles to win the Hispanic vote,” Bush told the Institute for Policy Innovation, a group formed decades ago by former Republican Rep. Dick Armey.

So, wait a minute, is he saying that Hispanics generally don’t have values and principles on the par with Republicans?  What?  They don’t steal, divorce their sick wives, and hang out in Milwaukee bathrooms enough?

Values?  The Republican Party has values?  What did that happen and why wasn’t I notified?

Here in Texas we were promised, swear on the Bible promised, that if we would only pass lawsuit reform, our insurance rates would drop like a lead sinker in greasy water.

We passed lawsuit reform.  So the insurance companies were left with no alternative to double their windfall profits except to rip off their customers, raise rates, and buy a politician or two.

Allow me to introduce you to insurance crack whore State Senator Kelly Hancock.  According to the Conservative Values Coalition, Kelly is just a pair of sandals away from being able to walk on water.

However, according to insurance PACs, he’s a pavement princess.

A Dallas-area senator carrying a bill that would abolish the state’s consumer advocate for insurance received nearly $112,000 from insurance political action committees in his 2012 campaign, a political watchdog group reported Friday.

You know, I don’t mind that our state representative are for sale.  I don’t.  Hell, everybody is for sale.  What bothers me is they are for sale so damn cheap.

Maybe it’s just me, but every time I see a photo of a politician with his sport’s jacket tossed over his shoulder all I can think is, “Hummm … they couldn’t find one of you actually working, huh?”

Please meet James White.  He represents East Texas in the Texas House of Representatives.  He’s a conservative Republican.  But, that’s really not fair.  It’s kinda like saying that chipolte is a spice.  It is a spice, but I wouldn’t sprinkle it on your food like salt.

Same deal with James.  He’s kinda the chipolte of conservatism.  He’s way on out there.

James came up with some ideas lately.  He worries a lot about Washington.  So he files  HB 568: The Texas Self Sufficiency Act.

The Texas Self-Sufficiency Act creates a select committee to evaluate the effects of a possible reduction in or elimination of federal funding on the state budget due to federal fiscal policy.

Texans must govern Texas and Texans need to be concerned about Texas.”

(Pssssttt… over here.  He’s talking about secession.)

And James is not going to leave us unprotected from the United Nations troops either.  He’s got a plan for that, too.

A proposed law would allow school districts the choice to offer a high school elective course on firearm safety, training and history. Filed by state Rep. James White (R-Hillister), a former high school teacher and football coach, HB 1142 would include training in the use of firearms including rifles, shotguns, pistols and revolvers.

It’s kinda like machine shop with live ammo.  What could possibly go wrong?  Well, whatever it might be, James has almost thought this through.  He says our kids are ready for it because James is a former high school football coach and knows all about these things.

“You could go to any high school today and you’ll see them engaging in many what we would consider probably dangerous activities: Welding, auto mechanic, weight lifting, playing sports.

Yes, and you could wipe out an entire classroom with a properly thrown football or be killed by a  drive-by welding.  Yes, and innocent bystander is the main word you hear when you hear about semi-tragic weight lifting accidents.

Yes, James is black man.  In East Texas.

I swear it’s something in the water.

Thanks to Kathleen and Brian for the heads up.

Texas Congressimbecile Lamar Smith, who is in fact just as goofy as he looks, represents the Texas Hill Country in congress.

Lamar, who is known as a shade follower because he’s too lazy to get up and work, is head of the Science, Space, and Technology Committee of the United States of America congress.  We don’t know how that happened.  It appears to be just real bad luck.

After years of being a bump on a log, Lamar has found something a mission, a purpose, a rally flag.  Asteroids!  They are coming to kill you!  Do something, dammit!

Science, Space, and Technology Committee Chairman Lamar Smith (R-Texas) today released the following statement after reports of an unforeseen meteor exploding in the sky above Russia early this morning, on the same day that a large asteroid is scheduled to pass relatively close to Earth.

Chairman Smith: “Today’s events are a stark reminder of the need to invest in space science. Asteroid 2012 DA14 passed just 17,000 miles from Earth, less than the distance of a round trip from New York to Sydney. And this morning, a much smaller meteorite hit near the Russian city of Chelyabinsk, damaging buildings and injuring hundreds.

Okay, now I am scared that my heart is skipping more beats than a drummer with hiccups.  I’m looking to my congressman for a solution.  Get me all scared about something that’s happened once in my lifetime and then save me from something that may never happen again, dammit.  Save me!

I dunno about you, but Truman put his asteroid-safety hat on and hid under his blanket.

Which, I am here to tell you, is certainly more helpful than what Chairman Lamar Smith wants to do.  He’s all fluffed up and got a pocket of courage and has decided to confront this menace to humanity straight forward.    He’s going to hold a hearing on it.

Okay, we’ve got sick people, hungry people, uneducated people, bankers robbing the American people, and more gun shooting than the OK Corral.  But, Chairman Smith wants to hold hearing on asteroids.

I know I feel safer.

Thanks to Kathleen for the heads up.