I need to start this by explaining that I adore Elizabeth Warren.  I think she’s grand.  But, that fact does not color my opinion of Scott Brown because, as we say in Texas,  I don’t like him and always will.

He’s one of those guys who thinks he’s just too darn cute.

Every time he spits out “Professor Warren,” I get a strange desire to put my hand in my armpit and make farting sounds.  Attempting to demean someone because they teach or have read an entire book only happens in the goofy-ball existence of the world of Scott Browns, and locker rooms.  Every time he says that, you know for a fact that he failed English 201.  Twice.

During an exchange on unemployment benefits and President Obama’s jobs proposals, Warren attempted to interrupt Brown on a key point. Brown retaliated: “Excuse me, I’m not a student in your classroom. Please let me respond.”

To Warren’s credit, I enjoy her smile at this antics almost as much as I detest creepy Brown.

I hope she wallops him.

Okay, all joking aside, I just want you to know that Christian TeeVee has you covered and you better be glad about that.

So, when the only begotten son of God comes back, you can watch it on your iPad.  Ask yourself:  do you need any other reason to buy an iPad?

If the Messiah descends from the Mount of Olives as foretold in the Bible, America’s two biggest Christian broadcasters are well-positioned to cover it live thanks to recent acquisitions of adjacent Jerusalem studios on a hill overlooking the Old City.

Texas-based Daystar Television Network already beams a 24-hour-a-day live webcam from its terrace. Not to be outdone, Costa Mesa-based Trinity Broadcasting Network last month bought the building next door.

Because when the Son of God comes back, he’s going for an Emmy.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Good Ole Mitt sees no problem in taking millions and millions and another 3 million of dollars from some shady Los Vegas casino owner with a bigger agenda than your average Amway sales meeting.

No problem at all.

But, do you want to know who should not be making political contributions?  Teachers.  That’s who.  Very dangerous teachers with rulers, and red pencils, and chalk and stuff.

Republican nominee Mitt Romney said Tuesday that Democratic politicians have a conflict of interest in dealing with teacher unions because the unions contribute so heavily to their campaigns. He suggested that money should somehow be diverted or cut off, although he did not offer details.

Okay, let’s skip over the “did not offer details” parts because Mitt Romeny is allergic to details – they make him break out into a pile of messy facts.

So, let me make sure I have this right.  Obama can’t take money from kindergarten teachers because that’s “an extraordinary conflict of interest” because teachers only “supposedly” represent the interests of children.  However, Sheldon Adleson’s $100 million contribution to Romney to get a $2 billion tax break is just hunky dorey.

Republicans give me a headache.

Seriously.  They do.

Golly, I hope Romney’s debate “zingers” are this good.

Thanks to Elizabeth Moon for the heads up.

Most of y’all know about True The Vote, which wants anything but the truth.  They simply want to disenfranchise voters.

I want to give y’all a little bit of inside information.  The President of True the Vote, a certain Catherine Renee Engelbrecht lives about three miles from my house.  She likes to say she’s from Houston, but that’s not true.  She lives in Richmond.  At least I hope she does because that’s where she’s registered to vote and where she did, in fact, vote in June of this year.  Maybe she’s embarrassed that our mayor is an Obama supporter.  Well, but so is the Houston mayor so Cathy ain’t got no place to run.

Maybe she could say that she’s from Waco.  I frankly don’t care and, apparently, neither does Cathy.

Anyway, Cathy has been here since 1995 and she forgot tell you about the only case of voter fraud that ever happened in this county, and it happened while she was here.  It was in all the papers.

There was a white male Democratic county commissioner by the name of Bud O’Shieles.  He got elected by the straight ticket black vote in his commissioner precinct.  Four years later, Ole Bud up and decides that he’s a Republican.  It took about 3 weeks for Bud to start acting like a Republican – by stealing votes from black folks.

Bud drew a Republican primary opponent, so Bud hired a black man to go into the black community and request vote by mail ballots for all the elderly people and, Honey, there was a passel of them.  All the requests were all turned in at once, which looked kinda suspicious and it also looked kinda suspicious that fifty elderly black people who had voted Democratic all their lives suddenly up and turned Republican to request a GOP primary ballot by mail.

So, we discover that this hired man was telling elderly black people that he would come back and help them fill out their ballot.  About a week too late these people, many who were blind, discovered that they had voted in the Republican primary and were now considered Republicans under Texas law.  That meant they couldn’t participate in their Democratic precinct conventions.

They were mortified.  One lady, Miss Emma, wouldn’t go to church for a month for fear her friends would find out she voted Republican.

Their vote was flat stolen by Republicans for Republicans.

Bud won the Republican primary and went on to win the seat again.  He lost in the next GOP primary when he couldn’t steal votes again.

And where was Cathy while this was going on?  Probably trying to figure out where she lives.

And maybe Cathy needs to buy a mirror before she points fingers ever again.  Anybody want to buy her a ticket to Florida?

Thanks to Ben over at Big Pepecito’s Bar in San Antonio.

Republicans really, really hate it that Mitt Romney is getting beaten like a snare drum in the polls.  Hell, even Fox News says he’s going down.

Dean Chambers: Republican Slide Rule King

So, Republicans had to fix that.  Enter Dean Chambers, a Republican pollster without arithmetic skills, which, of course, is not hard to find.

Chambers has a solution:  change the partisan weighting of the polls.  So, if you claim to be a Democrat and have always voted straight Democratic, in Chamber’s world you’re a Republican.  He fixed that little pesky problem by making a D into an R and now Romney leads Obama by 7 points.

Guess who really, really love this new form of polling?

No, seriously, guess.

Okay, okay, don’t.

And the link leads to Chamber’s website.  And who says that this crazy world is not a wondrous place when two great intellectual meet?

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.