So Mitt Romney is freekin’ sorry.

How many men do you know who can strut through an apology without ever actually looking sorry.   Whatever number that is, add one more, which probably brings your count up to …. oh, I dunno, one?

I have to hand him this:  he is multi-talented.  He can talk and piss me off at the time.

Good Lord, the man can even flip flop on being wrong.

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has described his disparaging remarks about the 47 percent of Americans who don’t pay federal income taxes as “not elegantly stated.” Now he’s calling them “just completely wrong.”

First it was inelegant, now it’s wrong, tomorrow it will be a slip of the tongue and by Monday he’ll be claiming, “I never made that statement.”

In the pinball game of truth, his flippers are a little farther apart than most people.

But, here’s the kick in your groin —

He added: “And I absolutely believe, however, that my life has shown that I care about 100 percent and that’s been demonstrated throughout my life. And this whole campaign is about the 100 percent.”

When would that have been, Mitt?  When you were firing people?  When you held a kid down and cut his hair?  When you shipped your money off shore to avoid paying taxes for the roads we all use?  When you didn’t even know what the Lilly Ledbetter Act was?

Honey, I will go surfing in Nebraska the day you can ever show that you care about, or even understand, 100% of America.

Thanks to Aggieland Liz for the heads up.

This morning, John Sununu, Mitt Romney’s adviser, Bush boot-kisser and overall not-too-bright political commentator, called President Barack Obama “lazy and detached.”

Lazy.

Honey, some dude who looks like he has to sit down in shifts does not need to be callin’ anybody lazy.

Now, I know it’s just one more attempt to make the first black President look unAmerican – lacking the values of hard work and all.  Hell, he wasn’t even born here and that makes Obama not “like” us.  And, you know how much Mitt Romney is “like” us – born rich and connected and – by gawd – he worked hard to use that money and connections to keep his money and connections.

Sununu, if you need reminding, was the guy who said that President Obama “needs to learn how to be an American.”

And, proving once again my well researched theory that Republicans have had humorectomies, Sununu based his claim on a joke the President told when he went to the debate prep carrying a pizza and joked,  “they’re making me do this work.”  According to Sununu, that was not a joke, it was proof that, “He didn’t want to prepare for this debate. He’s lazy and disengaged.”

Andrea Mitchell gave Sununu an opportunity to back off his claim that the President is lazy.  Nope, instead Sununu doubled down and said he was darn sure that the President is lazy.

Was it racist?  Does Howdy Doody have wooden toes?  Would a two ton hog make a lot of bacon?

Honey, it came out of John Sununu’s mouth.

So, here’s the deal.  Instead of getting mad, get even.  Show John Sununu how lazy you are.  This weekend blockwalk, phone bank, address envelopes or register voters.  Do something to help President Obama and the Democratic ticket this weekend.

Take a picture of what you do and email it to me.  I will post it right here, with your name or where you’re from if you want me to.

I’m serious.  Show ole chubby boy a thing or two.

You know, one of the great lesson of life is Do Not Hack off A Woman.  We will hurt you.

And it seems that a woman has undercovered a bit of information about Todd Akin.

Republican Senate candidate Todd Akin on Thursday released a decade’s worth of federal financial reports he has updated with nearly $130,000 in state pension income that he received, but failed to disclose, over that time.

He calls it an oversight.  Yeah, right, Todd.

Here you are, one of those government teat-suckers that doesn’t take responsibility for your own life but you “forgot” to report that.

Todd, hey, nobody believes you.

Thanks to Craig for the heads up.

I’m not saying that electing Mitt Romney will be devastating to dogs because Mitt Romney puts his dog on the roof of his car like luggage.  I’m not saying that.

Oh hell, yes I am.

If you will put your dog somewhere you wouldn’t even put your laptop, then you’re a sick person.

Y’all, the Texas Lege did one good thing last session – they tightened laws on dog breeders.  Breeders have to provide humane treatment for their dogs including outdoor time and keeping them from becoming matted and sick.

So what do people who don’t like government regulation into their private torture of animals do?  They dump their dogs.

Residents in rural Flower Mound, near Stonecrest Road and Highway 377, called police about 1 a.m. Tuesday. Dozens of Maltese mixed-breeds were running loose along the road.

Animal control scooped up 51 pooches in about an hour. They all needed a good bath — some had fur so matted they could barely walk, according to police …

The night after that, a herd of cocker spaniels turned up in Denton County.

There is a real special place in hell for someone who would do that.  And if you can catch them, Truman will pee on their leg.

Today – yes, TODAY! – is National Taco Day.

Warning:  Void in Arizona.

Thanks to Bubba for the heads up.

Last night, one of our long, long time customers, Brian, held a debate watching party in Tillamook, Oregon.  No, I did not make up that place.  There is a real place called Tillamook. Supposedly, it’s in Oregon.

He heard that a woman named Lorrie from White Salmon, Washington, (no, seriously, I am not making up these names) who had been a  delegate to the national convention was going to show up for the debate watching party at his office in Tillamook.  Brian was a national delegate, too.

So, the minute Lorrie shows up, Brian naturally asks, “Do you know Fenway Fran from The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc?  She was a delegate to the national convention from Washington.”

Lorrie is Fenway Fran.

Now, I have to tell you something weird about Oregon.  They have very confused time measurements there.  When it’s midnight Texas time, it’s not in Oregon.  So, I start getting text messages from Lorrie when she gets home about TWMDBS customers half a world away meeting and plotting.  I was half asleep but I think I did threaten to tell about the time she and I got a tipsy on bloody Mary’s at the county fair parade and mooned the Republican District Attorney as he cruised by his parade convertible is he kept waking me up with that unnatural time thing.

Brian sent a picture.  That’s Fenway Fran / Lorrie on the end of the front row.  I think they are going to purchase a franchise operation in the Pacific Northwest.