I don’t even know where to start.  I’ll hit the highlights and you guys can pick up the things I miss.

They favor no taxes whatsodamnever, except a national sales tax which hurts the middle class the most.  They want to repeal the 16th amendment and the Paris Hilton tax.  They also want to repeal property taxes and all licensing fees.

We urge the income tax, capital gains tax, estate tax, and all other tax reductions be made permanent. The death tax is immoral and should be abolished forever.

They want to return to the Gold Standard.

They want to privatize social security, so that Bernie Madoff can go back into business.

They oppose education.  I really don’t know any other way to put it.    They oppose multicultural education, critical thinking, and even mentioning evolution and climate change.  They do, however, support beating children in school.

They are not big on marriage either.  They only want something called “Covenant marriage.”  They want to repeal no-fault divorce and don’t even mention the “gay” word around them because it makes them frisky.  “We affirm that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society and contributes to the breakdown of the family unit.”  And this, “We support the definition of marriage as a God-ordained, legal and moral commitment only between a natural man and a natural woman, which is the foundational unit of a healthy society, and we oppose the assault on marriage by judicial activists.”  They spend a whoooole lotta time talking about the gays.

They want to eliminate executive orders, but are apt to change their mind if a tea party candidate is ever elected.

They want Karl Rove to become a tax-exempt church.  And, they want to do weird things in church, tax free.  “We urge amendment of the Internal Revenue Code to allow a religious organization to address issues without fear of losing its tax-exempt status. We call for repeal of requirements that religious organizations send the government any personal information about their contributors.” However, in the next breath, “We support full disclosure of the amounts and sources of any campaign contributions to political candidates, whether contributed by individuals, political action committees, or other entities.”  A page later, “We call for the Republican members of the Texas House of Representatives to convene in caucus after each November general election to determine by secret ballot…”  Make up your damn mind, you fools!

They want to put the Ten Commandments any damn place they want to.

They are fixing to make American English the “official language of Texas.”  Holy cow, nobody here will be able to talk.

They demand that human health care be only between a person and their doctor with no government interference, unless, of course the human happens to be female.  They also oppose the Morning After pill and RU-486.  They also oppose stem cell research.

They want to beat up women who try to enter an abortion clinic, “We urge repeal of the Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances Law.”

Oh hell, I’m only half way through.

Again, they want to beat the hell out of their kids, “We support eliminating bureaucratic prohibitions on corporal discipline and home schooling in foster homes.”  They also want their kids to get sick and give it to your kid, “All adult citizens should have the legal right to conscientiously choose which vaccines are administered to themselves or their minor children without penalty for refusing a vaccine.”

So far, all I’ve figured out is that they want to beat up women and children, buy heavy artillery, not pay their taxes, and get to shove Jesus Christ down your throat.

Cripes.  I have to stop for a while.

Rightwing radio jock Jan Mickelson was interviewing a Republican Congressbutthole last week when he made a funny.

“There’s a bus full of nuns headed towards Washington to lobby against the Ryan plan,” radio host Jan Mickelson told Rep. Tom Latham (R-IA) last week. “Do you guys, do you have any power to pull the nuns on the bus over and pistol whip them?”

The Congressjerk laughed and thought that was funny as the dickens.

Jan's Got a Pistol

Michelson then justified his comment by adding that the nuns asked for the pistol whipping for bad-mouthing Republican idol Paul Ryan —

“They say he is evil, they say he is fake Catholic,” he added. “They’re the ones that threw the first punch.”

Welcome to Republican America!  Torturing Nuns:  Not Just for the Contras Anymore!

Thanks to Cheryl for the heads-up.

I used to believe that Republican girls (there are no Republican women, there are only Republican girls no matter what their age) saw things in only black and white, but it’s gotten worse that that.  Now they only see things in neon.  Flashing neon.

Seriously.  Jan Brewer.

First off, she thinks that Arizona won yesterday.  That’s  true.  Arizona did win, but Jan Brewer and her tea party thugs lost big time.  The court struck down three of the four provisions and said the fourth provision was subject to being overturned at the state level.  That means Jan is batting .225, there are no players on base, it’s the bottom of the ninth, there’s two outs, you’re behind 3 to 0, and the other team is paying the ump.

So, Jan retreats to her usual position – delusion.  On John King last night, Brewer accused the Justice Department of throwing bombs at Arizona.

Immigration is a federal duty.  The Justice Department enters into agreements with local law enforcement to help them enforce immigration laws.  After the ruling yesterday, the Justice Department rescinded their agreement with Arizona because they have no reason to trust Jan Brewer to follow the orders of the Supreme Court.

Let this be a lesson to all:  do not shake your boney old finger in the President’s face.

So, Jan does what Jan does.   She goes hyperbole.  She tells John King ….

And immediately, three hours after the decision was made, then they arbitrarily single out Arizona and sent a bomb, if you will, across our bow and made Arizona once again a target.  The people of America ought to be outraged.  This is absolutely an assault.

Jan, Babe, shooting yourself in the foot is not an assault.  Shooting off your mouth, looking like a fool?  Also not an assault.  Bombing on national teevee?  Not an assault.

Claiming yourself a victim when your problems are your own making?   Kinda an assault on human dignity.  So, that’s close, but still no cigar.

Thanks to David for the heads up.

Texas Congressvarmint Mike McCaul is the richest man in Congress not through his own doing but because he married the daughter of the Clear Channel Communications founder.

McCaul is a Tom DeLay baby, having been elected in 2004 after DeLay shoved through mid-decade redistricting in Texas, handing the newly created 10th Congressional District to McCaul on a dainty little tea service platter.

McCaul major accomplishment in congress was his attempt to require a Christian funeral service for every soldier killed in combat, even if the soldier and his surviving family were not Christians.  Once the crap hit the fan on that one, McCaul said that this bill was in response to the certified American fact that the Department of Veteran’s Affairs was not allowing Christian prayers at military funerals.   That, of course, was not true.  I was, however, quite impressed that such a big lie could fit in such a small brain.

Well, the newest is that McCaul is voting on bills that can and do directly influence his wealth.

The family of Rep. Michael McCaul, R-Austin, traded between $5 million and $23 million in companies lobbying for bills under his jurisdiction, according to a report in the Washington Post. But a spokesman denies any potential conflict of interest, citing safeguards that keep the congressman at arm’s length from the investments.

The safeguard?  Mike and the Mrs. never, ever discuss family finances.

I can see that.  She bought him a congressional seat and surely that covers both birthday and Christmas gifts for the next 3 or 100 years.

But, wild, shameless, and majorly profitable coincidences happen, you know.

[McCaul’s wife and children] invested through their trusts between $286,000 and $690,000 over nine transactions in Thermo Fisher Scientific. The company’s products include instruments to test for contaminated food, and it had registered in 2009 to push a food safety bill before the Homeland Security Committee, on which McCaul was a member.

McCaul’s family bought the stock while the bill was progressing and still owns it. The biggest single trade came in November 2010, just before the bill passed.  The transaction was listed as between $250,000 and $500,000.

You know, like answered prayers for rich people.

Thanks to Mary for the heads-up.

It appears that Newt Gingrich might have to auction off his butt because it’s his biggest asset.

Newt Gingrich ends his White House dream today with his political committee facing a mountain of debts — owing about $4 million to scores of businesses and campaign workers around the country who fear they will never get paid.

Campaign watchdogs said the size of Gingrich’s debt is extraordinary — and could have been avoided if the candidate and his team had been more disciplined.

Newt?  Disciplined?  Oh Good Lord, he’s had three wives and a couple of botched political careers.   But NOW you expect him to be disciplined?

You know, as much as I enjoy watching Newt be humiliated, with bankruptcy following being whipped by that imbecile Mitt Romney, it kinda makes me sad …. oh hell, you know I’m lying.

I’m enjoying the hell out of this.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.

Heads-up, y’all.

I do not want you to forget.

Thanks to Joy for reminding me.