Next Monday, we will hear from Attorney General Eric Holder whether or not Texas Voter ID laws violate the Voting Rights Act.

If you can see lightening and hear thunder, you know that Texas Voter ID laws are a whole platoon of egg suckin’ dogs.

Today’s Houston Chronicle published the results of their research into the matter and discovered that “as many as 18 percent of all registered voters across Texas [are] apparently lacking state government-issued photo IDs to match their voter registration cards.”

In actual numbers, that means $2.4 million Texans who are registered to vote may be turned away at the polls.

But, awwww … lookie here what our adorable Republican friends have done:

Counties that lean Democratic are most heavily impacted.

And the second most impacted?   Old people.  That’s who.

And the third most impacted?  Women.  Some of us change our names on our driver’s license but not on our voter ID.  For example, my voter ID is listed as simply Susan Bankston, but my driver’s license says Susan DuQuesnay Bankston.  A picky Republican precinct judge would be within his/her authority to not allow me to vote.  Wanna buy ticket to watch the kerfuffle that’ll follow that authoritarian mistake?  Try to stand between me and the voting booth and Medusa takes over my body.

If Voter ID stands, I will be at my local voting location with my Voter ID, my driver’s license, a notarized letter from my Momma saying I was born in Texas and not an easy child to raise, a snake-killing hoe,  my entire collection of Texas Legislature voodoo dolls, and a bad attitude so large that qualifies for its own zip code.

That’s just a heads-up to you Republicans.  I am not putting up with your crap.  Not even a little bit.  You stole an election in 2000 and look what that got us.  You are not doing it again.

When things get so nuts in Texas that you think the whole place is going to implode on itself into a big old heap of whining conservative crazy, it is New Mexico’s job to release a little steam off of Texas.

It appears to be working.

CLOVIS, N.M. (AP) — A former New Mexico mayor who called President Barack Obama “the carnal manifestation of evil” and said Obama’s election was part of a CIA conspiracy has been elected to his former job, according to unofficial results.

Not only that, but the damfool got 63% of the votes.  Hell, he’s more popular than Mitt and Rick combined!

His name is David Lansford and he belongs to the ATLAH Media Network in New York, which appears to be an insane asylum.  They refer to President Obama as “The Long Legged Mack Daddy.”  That may be a compliment, but I seriously doubt it being as how they are also connected to the Moral Nation Radio Network, where they appear to broadcast in German.

I’d wash your hands after you leave that link.  Luckily, I have these handiwipes that Fenway fran left for me when she visited last month.

Thank you, New Mexico.  That gives us another 24 hours of Rick Perry without one of horsemen appearing.

Thanks to David B for the heads up!

This entry is brought to you by the letters W,T, and F.

When it comes to marketing, I am sharper than a pocket full of toothpicks.  That’s why I am the most popular beauty salon in a three block area. So, I understood when Rush Limbaugh’s advertisers started pulling out like Catholic birth control.  A lot of folks have wives and daughters and all of them have mothers, so attacking women is not gonna make you real popular.

Now, I figure that Rush’s average listener is so dumb that it takes them 2 hours to watch 60 minutes, so mattresses and loans and AOL (Hell, I didn’t even know they had AOL anymore) are his target market.  I mean, you are not going to sell fine wine or a subscription to Scientific American to Rush’s listeners.

But, smart marketing folks have figured out how to fill the Rush void.  Well, advertising void, not brain void. They know Rush’s market.

Now that over a dozen companies have bailed on Rush Limbaugh after he called Sandra Fluke a “slut” on air, a couple of new companies are swooping in to buy up that abandoned air time. AshleyMadison.com, the dating site that helps people cheat on their significant others, has offered to buy up all of Limbaugh’s existing ad inventory.

Oh, but that’s not all ….

Another dating site, SeekingArrangements.com is also looking to buy some ads on Limbaugh’s show. Described in a separate press release as “the world’s largest sugar daddy and sugar baby dating website.”

Honey, that there is some dandy marketing.  Now we’re just waiting for Viagra, Happy Hookers Trailer Park, and the Betty Ford Clinic to pick up the rest of Rush’s market.

Thanks to Lorraine for the heads-up.

I have to be honest with you, the staff and ownership of The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. was flat-out down-right giddy last night with Newt making a comeback and a megalomaniac rambling speech, Romney boring as a school play your kid isn’t in, and the Russian Roulette of Offending Entire Groups of People that Rick Santorum becomes when given a microphone.

And while the people on television are letting the Three Monkeyteers fight it out and trash talk each other, we are sad to say that numbers talk and bullcorn walks.  It appears that the only GOP candidate with a pocket calculator is Mitt Romney.

The upshot is that even though Gingrich won Georgia, according to NBC News’ projection Tuesday night, he could end up with fewer than half its delegates. Romney, meanwhile — despite finishing second or third — could come away with a quarter of them or more.

Math like that made it possible for Romney to hit 323 total delegates, according to NBC News’ projections through 12:35 a.m. ET — more than triple the number won by Gingrich (105) and former Sen. Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania (101) and 13½ times those won by Rep. Ron Paul of Texas (24).

It’s a numbers game.

But, there is still hope for more fun.  Lots more fun.  I’m talking Tundra Thrill fun.  If this sucker makes it to the convention, Sarah Palin is pondering on a late entry because she’s tanned, rested, and still dumber than a sack of hammers.

.

Newt Gingrich won Georgia!  Yea!

Your comments on the night are welcome!

Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska voted for the Blunt Amendment and then made the mistake of going back home to Alaska.  Where the sluts were waiting on her, and ho boy, they were plenty hacked off.  Honey, they were acting like overheated hell.  They damn near melted Alaska.

Murkoski is now apologizing for her vote.

“I have never had a vote I’ve taken where I have felt that I let down more people that believed in me,” she said.

She claimed that she thought she was voting for religious freedom.  Nobody with a triple digit IQ believes that, but it gave her an escape route from Alaska women ready to snatch her bald.

Asked how she felt about Rush Limbaugh’s slut comments, she said —

“I think women when they hear … mouthpieces like that say things like that they get concerned and they look to policymakers,” she said. “That’s where I feel like I have let these women down is that I have not helped to give these women the assurance they need that their health care rights are protected.”

I believe in redemption.  Murkowski says that if she could do it all over again, she’d vote the other way.

I imagine so.  The only other alternative was to let them put moose antlers on her and send her out on Sarah Palin’s target practice range.

Thanks to Robert for the heads-up.