The kids over at Burnt Orange Report have come up with something worth putting some fun effort into.

In 2009, Governor Rick Perry made Rush Limbaugh “an honorary Texan.”  It was at a fundraiser for Mike McCaul, who is a stubby cup of greedy slime who married well.  His wife’s daddy is president of Clear Channel Communications.  But, that’s a whole ‘nother story.

So, here we are with Rush as an honorary Texan.  Let’s start a petition.  The petition asks Rick Perry to revoke Rush’s status as an honorary Texan.  Hey, you get to pick on McCaul, Limbaugh and Perry with one signature.  It’s like the trifecta of revenge.

Thanks to Luis for the heads up.

I often talk about Republican Congressman Leo Berman around here.  He’s an idiot.  He’s probably a slut and a prostitute, too, but I haven’t gotten permission to use Rush’s trademark language, so I won’t say that.

I do not want you to confuse Congressman Leo Berman to Democratic State Representative Lon Burman.  Lon Burman is an honorable man, which in Austin is akin to changing water into wine.

Lon Burman was informed that he had become eligible to receive money from that little secret fund we only discovered when Rick Perry had to disclose it on his financial forms when he ran for President.   Remember that?  That was a damn hoot.  Until then, only about 8 people in the whole state even knew about it.

Lon Burman: Bad ties, good heart

There is a gem hidden in Austin that allows elected officials to receive both their salary and their retirement while they are still serving in office.  Rick Perry, who became a millionaire on the public dole, jumped on it like Chris Christy on a milkshake, saying that he “would be foolish not to take a pension benefit he has earned and is entitled to collect now.”

I guess that through the Republican greed glasses, Lon Burman is foolish.  He refused to take it.

Even though he is eligible to retire immediately, Burnam said he has no plans to pocket the pension money. He is exploring options that would allow him to redirect the monthly annuity toward a worthy cause, such as public education.

“I’m not going to collect it for my own benefit because I don’t think it’s right,” Burnam said. “If the governor wants to do it and it’s legal, I guess he’s gonna get away with it, but I don’t think it passes the smell test.”

And that’s another reason why I’m proud to be a Democrat.

When Republicans start looking for virgins in South Carolina, there can only be one reason: Mayan sacrifice. Rumor has it that there is only one virgin in South Carolina and apparently it’s become very important to find her.

If you been under a rock, you might not have heard that the Laurens County South Carolina GOP has some new rules..

You must favor, and live up to, abstinence before marriage.
You must be faithful to your spouse. Your spouse cannot be a person of the same gender, and you are not allowed to favor any government action that would allow for civil unions of people of the same sex.

You cannot now, from the moment you sign this pledge, look at pornography.

Okay, so here’s what I’m wondering. Who is going to be the virgin police? Does it require special training? And, most importantly, can I get some?

I hope they find the virgin soon so everybody else can go back to living normal.

Oh yeah, in case you forgot, South Carolina is home to GOP Governor Mark “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” Sanford. So, they have a lot of room to talk. Or hoochy.

There a saying around Texas that most of our good-ole-boys’ last words are, “Here, Bubba, hold my beer and watch this.”

In Montgomery County – just northeast of Houston – where men are men and sheep are scared, the Sheriff’s Department decided they needed a drone.  Yeah, yeah, like the military uses.  Do not ask me why the Montgomery Sheriff’s Department needs a drone.  I suspect that even they don’t know for sure, but justify it because Deputy Buford T. “Hotsy” Cleburne holds the seven zip code area championship for Final Fantasy IX.

So, they got them a $300,000 drone to go with their 4X4 heavily armored Bearcat.  The two of them strongly resemble this:

So, if Islamic terrorists ever try to invade the Sam Houston National Forrest, hell, we’ve got a drone.  How they’re gonna see terrorists through the treetops with a drone beats the hell outta me.  But, face  it, if you had $300,000 of taxpayer money just sitting around mildewing, you’re liable to buy a drone, too.

Now, if you need more information about Montgomery County, here is a living picture of their commissioners court and county judge – the guys who decide how to spend tax money.

A drone is going to be about the only thing those boys can get up.

So, this morning, with much fanfare and beer holding, they test the drone.  Witness say, when they are able to talk through much snorting laughter, that it went pretty much like this:

Vanguard CEO Michael Buscher said his company’s prototype drone was flying about 18-feet off the ground when it lost contact with the controller’s console on the ground.   It’s designed to go into an auto shutdown mode, according to Buscher, but when it was coming down the drone crashed into the SWAT team’s armored vehicle.

I most certainly am not kidding.

The drone crashed smack dab into the Bearcat.  No member of the SWAT team was hurt because they were in the Bearcat.  You know, the one that was hit by the drone.  At least we know the Bearcat works.  But, you probably wouldn’t need it if you didn’t have drones.

Texas, I love yew.

Thanks to Stephen, Carl, and Peter for the heads up.

Okay, let’s start with Donald Trump calling George Will “a totally overrated fool.”

Let that sink in.  Apparently, there were no mirrors involved in this trick.  Maybe lab animals were harmed, I dunno.

I do not agree with one word that George Will says, even about baseball.  However, he’s smart.  But Trump, who’s had an irony-ectomy, said,

“I think he’s a totally overrated fool. I think this guy is so overrated. I don’t think he’s really smart, he looks smart with the little glasses and hair swept to the side,” Trump said on “Fox & Friends.” “That was one of the dumbest [comments]. … I think he’s a totally overrated pundit.”

Yes, Donald, and that would explain the law that dumb looks as dumb does.

And then let’s trot over to Republicanville with all those  “illegal aliens” who are taking over our country.  Daniela Pelaez was brought from Colombia to America by her parents at age 4.  She is graduating valedictorian of North Miami Senior High School with a 6.7 GPA.

A judge has ordered a top student at North Miami Senior High School to leave the country later this month.

Yep, she has no memories of Colombia but some damfool judge is sending her back.  Because we don’t need smart people in this country.  She’s just going to go to college and become a snob, you know.

“I’ve done everything that an American child has done. I know the National Anthem, I know more about the United States than I do about Colombia. This is my home,” said Daniela.

No, it’s not.  You, my dear, must be punished for what your parents did.  If you wanted to live in this country, you should have been born a Hilton or a Kardashian.  You know, rich and stoopid.

However, there is a bright shining star this morning.  Rush Limbaugh is going to have a find a cheaper Viagra and Oxycontin source.

Mortgage lender Quicken Loans, mattress retailers Sleep Train and Sleep Number, online data backup service provider Carbonite, software maker Citrix Systems Inc., online legal document services company LegalZoom and flower company ProFlowers all pulled ads in reaction to Limbaugh’s comments.

Y’all, are we gonna make it until November when Republicans can stop glorifying stupid to keep Barack Obama from being elected?  Last I heard, they were trying to run Forrest Gump.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.

Just like Valentine’s Day was invented by candy-makers, oh-dear-God-that’s-tacky greeting card companies, and diamond cartels, the Obama reelection is being brought to you by ….. Smith and Wesson.

FORT WORTH, Texas (AP) — Gun sales are booming across Texas, and some buyers say their growing belief that President Barack Obama’s re-election is inevitable is fueling their race to bear more arms.

Yeah, because there was so much damn gun control after his first election.

Book author Alan Korwin tells the Star-Telegram that some are worried that Obama’s re-election would embolden a major gun control push.

Korwin has written nine books on gun laws and operates a gun laws website.

Korwin says people worry that if Obama wins “he will go after firearms in a way we have never seen before.”

Oh yeah, and book peddlers.  I forgot about book peddlers.

I wonder, can we run out there and stock up on middle class money just in case Romney is elected?  Or maybe consistency?  And other word for slut – we’ll need lots of those.

Let me sell you some tin foil hats if case Ron Paul gets elected.

Thanks to Bananas for the heads-up.