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TEA Parties Are for Little Girls and Their Imaginary Friends

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Becky Moeller is President of the Texas AFL-CIO and she’s all that and a big diamond ring.

Becky has a cost-saving idea to Texas taxpayers.  She can save them $10,000 a month.

She’s offering up a mobile home for Texas Governor Rick Perry to live in.  She’s willing to rent it to him for $1. a year.  Cash American money.

Becky says —

We are offering the use of this housing for $1 a year, compared to $10,000 a month plus many other expenses at the rental mansion. If Gov. Perry accepts our offer, we will work out furnishings, connections and any reasonable details to make certain the building is comfortable for temporary living.

Although it was just delivered, we have tried to bring some homey touches to the manufactured home you see here. Among the amenities, Gov. Perry will find Food and Wine Magazine, a 50-year-old stuffed German shepherd from my personal collection that is not a coyote, and a short-term supply of hair product.

“That’s a damn hoot!” Juanita hollers.

Now, here’s the kicker —

Perry spokesman Mark Miner says the AFL-CIO stunt is merely a political gimmick for Democratic candidate Bill White.

“Ya think?”

“And now we know what Mark Miner is not a brain surgeon,” she laughs.

“Of course it’s a stunt, you idiot!  It’s funny.  It makes Rick Perry look the fool.  It’s plow down straight up good ole Texas humor.  Becky can make far more more than $10,000 a month by giving tours of the doublewide decorated like we think Rick Perry would decorate it.  I’ve even got a friend who’ll throw in a stuffed coyote!”

Thank you, Becky.  You da woman!

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No matter where you live, if you have a teevee set or a newspaper, you know about Texas’ State Board of Education.  They are rewriting history and taking out that Godless heathen Thomas Jefferson and replacing him with Newt Gingrich.  Today, they’ve decided that “slave trade” is such a harsh term.  They want to change it to “Atlantic triangular trade”.

I’ve been getting emails from you guys wanting to know what Juanita thinks about the State Board of Education.

“Elect Judy Jennings.” That’s all she would say.  Juanita is a big ole fan of Dr. Judy Jennings.

Juanita has a plan.  Every time the Texas Board of Education does something especially dumb, she goes right here and gives Judy Jennings ten dollars.

“It’s just ten dollars.  You are not gonna miss ten dollars.  But, all those ten dollars add up for Judy and will put her on the Board of Education instead of the rightwinger in District 10,” Juanita promises.  “You people from foreign states, especially, can send a message by sending Judy ten dollars.  Ten dollars buys her 5 yard signs.  Ten dollars puts stamps on some mailers.  Ten dollars reaches 50 voters through pushcards.  Ten dollars sends a message that you are not going to let the rightwing hijack history.”

Go do it.  You’ll be proud of yourself all weekend.

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“I told you so, I did,” Juanita grins.  “Rand Paul is more fun than recess in heaven.”

“He made a complete fool of himself on Rachel Maddow’s show last night.  Rachel just let him ramble on and on and the more he talked, the more you expected him to start drooling  just any minute,” she reports.

“Now, I know that Rachel Maddow is tough.  She is so tough that when carpenters buy a box of nails, they say ‘hand me some those Rachels.’  But she’s also much kinder than I am.  She does sometimes suffer fools gladly.”

“Last night, Rand Paul tried to argue that he wouldn’t have supported all the Civil Rights Act because government shouldn’t nosey around in private enterprise.  And that, my friend, is why you can never let ideologues govern.”

“I wonder if he thinks that private restaurants should have to follow health and safety standards or child labor laws?  Seems like the same deal to me.”

You know how many Libertarians it takes to change a lightbulb?

None.  The darkness will cause the lightbulb to change itself.

“And maybe that’s why the Looneytarians are all in the dark,” Juanita suspects.

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My other friend Bob ( I have three Bob friends, an Uncle Bob, and a couple of Jim Bobs.  So, I have Bob, my other friend Bob, and old Bob.  I ain’t saying which one is old Bob because all three of them are still up for a butt whippin’.) sent me a website that he says is The Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club on Crack.

Now, I dunno if they are on crack, but they are on something other than the love of Sweet Jeeeesus.

Before you open this website, you need to be warned.  If you’re a person prone to seizures, it’ll give you one.  If you’re not a person prone to seizures, it’ll make you one.  The website has scroll bars within scroll bars within pdf’s within waaaay too much crapola, and then a smurf threw up on it just out of meanness.

It’s called The Texas TEA Party Republican Women.

They say right upfront   —-

We INVITE you to JOIN our conservative, God-honoring
Republican club seeking to restore the values of the founders of our country
through our elected leaders.

Psssttttt.. over here, ladies.  Did you know that our founding fathers didn’t think you should be allowed to vote?  Uh, well, I agree with that because I clicked some of your links and found myself wandering around in muck deep enough to bury any pretense you ever had at kindness and love.  Check this for example, where a white fella swears that black fellas discriminated against him in the 1970’s when he tried to play baseball  in the Negro League to fulfill his dream of the majors and that’s news, dammit.

But, most importantly, you will see the names of some fairly famous Republicans supporting these crazed women in their goal of out-country-clubbing-you.

So, bookmark this sucker to hang around the neck of Ted Poe, Dan Patrick, and Mike McCaul.

“I know the TEA Party claims that they are not Republicans,” Juanita remarked after seeing this, “but this sure shows that Republicans are TEA Partiers.”

“And, somebody, please, be kind and these these chicks some estrogen or some cajones.  One or the other.  I just hate to see a woman without either one.”