You Might Want To Set Your TIVO
Okay, all joking aside, I just want you to know that Christian TeeVee has you covered and you better be glad about that.
So, when the only begotten son of God comes back, you can watch it on your iPad. Ask yourself: do you need any other reason to buy an iPad?
If the Messiah descends from the Mount of Olives as foretold in the Bible, America’s two biggest Christian broadcasters are well-positioned to cover it live thanks to recent acquisitions of adjacent Jerusalem studios on a hill overlooking the Old City.
Texas-based Daystar Television Network already beams a 24-hour-a-day live webcam from its terrace. Not to be outdone, Costa Mesa-based Trinity Broadcasting Network last month bought the building next door.
Because when the Son of God comes back, he’s going for an Emmy.
Thanks to Brian for the heads up.
The Resolution Will Be Televised.
1Oh. My. God.
so to speak….
2And I’ll bet they solicited plenty of viewer contributions to pay for that boondoggle.
3Good God Almighty …
I’m with Sam … bet they got a pot load of money for that endeavor! And when the trumpet sounds … maybe they’ll be in the lot that is left behind!!
4Hallelujah! It’s the Second Scamming.
5Christ on a cupcake!
6Wondering if the TBN has sold off Conway Twitty’s estate in Hendersonville, TN – NOPE, OMGZ and OH NOES – look what they have done to Conway’s estate which they literally stole from his family:
http://www.tbn.org/about-us/tennessee
Have not been out there in a few years, now it is EVEN MORE GOLDENY and GOLDEN/PURPLY/GILDED (faux of course, tacky, you betcha)
7I assure you that he won’t look anything like the paintings we see. They are based on European models and clothing styles from the middle ages. Most done between 1500 and 1600. Those painters and sculpters would have been burned at stake if they had used Jewish models.
8These silly folks don’t trust God enough to do His own manifestation.
9I expect he won’t look like anything anyone expects. He didn’t the first time. Ticked off a lot of people even then (“Why aren’t you wearing a crown? Why can’t we see angels hovering around you? Why aren’t you in armor with a sword, or at least a trumpet like Joshua, riding a horse and leading an army? You sure don’t look like a king from heaven. Why are you slumming with drunkards and tax collectors and women of no reputation but a bad one? And those smelly fishermen and dusty dirty disciples of yours–what’s with them?”
Actually I’m expecting (to the extent that I let myself expect) someone who looks like Barbara Jordan to me and other white people, but maybe like a Hmong tribeswoman to black people and maybe like an Arab woman to a Pacific Islander…something different from what each of us is, or expects, and once more it’s “Do you get the reality or do you point and (s)hoot?”
I expect quite a few people to be insulted/annoyed/disgusted/and so on, and hope I’m not one of them.
10Does anyone know who/what actually owns the Daystar & Trinity Networks? Is either one associated with any Roman Catholic TV network? A Catholic nun, “Sister” Angelica, has taken in a ton of money from her TV station in Birmingham & built a massive marble & gold temple + a huge gift shop on donated land 40 mi. outside of Birmingham. I’ve been told she says it was built with money from only FIVE (5) donors to satisfy concerns from lowly donors. Something tells me, that old woman has taken her show abroad to the Old City on the Hill as to con her faithful followers still further.
11I thought God had relocated to the U. S., according to our fundamentalists.
12He was on the Isle of Patmos to talk with John the Beloved Apostle in about 70 A.D. And this is what He looked like:
“His head and His hairs were white LIKE WOOL, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire; And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters.” Revelation 1:14 & 15
I really love the part about wooly hair.
13Eve:
Daystar is “Church of God” founded by Marcus and Joni Lamb. They’re the Lambs and you get fleeced.
TBN is “Assemblies of God” founded by the Crouch’s and good old Jim & Tammy Faye Bakker.
Both organizations exist separate from a hierarchical church strucure and those who control them are richer than God, tax-free, and all three men (Lamb, Crouch and the late Bakker) have been implicated in tawdry affairs.
Sister (or Mother) Angelica, whose dogmatic personality and reactionary dogma I cannot stand, is a member of the 800-year-old order of the Poor Clares, founded by Clare of Asissi, kind of the women’s auxiliary of the Franciscan order. Each local chapter of the order “owns” its facilities.
Alabama Catholics! What can I say! But as misplaced as I think her thinking is, she does seem to live it, at least the poverty and chastity parts. Obedience, I think, is her special cross to bear. BTW, anything you see of her on TV anymore is old, a series of strokes have left her unable to broadcast anymore.
14The picture printed is supposed to represent Jesus, but he looks very pretty as if he spent the day at the beauty salon getting a facial, eyebrows waxed, beard clipped and an expert application of some fancy eye makeup. Now I know Jesus is perfect, but I can’t believe he was inclined to spend time in a beauty salon unless, of course, Juanita Jean herownself was there.
15june: My cousin, Jesus Hachecristo, went to a day spa once as part of a couples package a young lady he was dating had won. He actually dates several young ladies, at once; this one was his Tuesday and every-other-Saturday young lady.
He enjoyed the experience immensely, especially anything having to do with wax.
He came out looking very much like that picture above, except with bling and a ball cap. When he got home, his mother dropped a whole pan of rice and beans on the linoleum, as she thought he looked JUST LIKE a tortilla she had recently burned and framed and built a mantle shrine to.
16My husband and I have occasionally been looking in on Kittencam from the Washington Animal Rescue League. I can’t help wondering if there are people who tune into Daystar’s SecondComingCam or maybe keep it on all the time… just, you know, in case….
(Here’s Kittencam. Takes a minute or so to come up, but even if they’re all asleep, they’re cute:
17http://animal.discovery.com/tv/too-cute-kittens/kitten-cam/ )
I wonder if Jesus’ wife will walk the red carpet with him.
18Just like the First, the Second Coming will not be televised.
19It’s been a while since I read Milton, but I think he refered to Satan as the Day Star. ???
20I am certain that if any “Jesus” appears on a right wing Christian phone, he will not look like that. I mean, long hair? Sandals? Bunch of crazy friends(12 I believe)? Ate organic food? And to top all that, he was a Capricorn. Now, how do you think they would deal with that?
21He’d better show up (and it WILL be a HE according to them) in a suit and tie and talk like Pat Robertson or no one will pay the slightest attention.
You guys and gals are my best antidote to existental despair. Thank you a million times over.
There is a man in my neighborhood who was an interpreter for the American forces in Iraq. He and his immediate family have been here since April because there is a price on his head “back home”. He has been “adopted” by a fundamentalist church who are trying to save him from his Muslim ways. Because he is a very wise and learned man he is not taken in by their world view. But they are doing their best to help him buy his fire insurance from hell. The first thing they did was put a Rmoney/ Ryan sign in his yard. When I asked him about it, he said I don’t want that sign but I don’t know if I can take it down.” I said, “Ali, you are in America now. You can do what you want about signs in your yard.” He said, “Isn’t America great?”
22On his behalf, and my own, “Thank you” to the folks in this conversation and JJ herownself for making sure our country stays great.
Sigh. I was gonna say I don’t think anyone will miss seeing Jesus when He comes again but I think I’ll stick to saying, sigh.
23@daChipster, I think I saw that tortilla on the tee vee machine! Every week here in San Antonio they show pictures of things (trees, toast, dirty showers, etc.) that people swear are visions of Jesus, or maybe it is just your cousin.
24These people would not recognize Jesus Christ nor would he care to know them.
25Amen, Diane … AMEN!!! Many who call His name will never be recognized by Him.
26Should sell naming rights to Miracle Whip
27Sam, don’t you think it would be better to sell naming rights to something like cheese in a can? That way we really could have Christ on a cracker…
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