Yeah, Two of Those Thin Mints and You Start Wanting to Wear Plaid and Date Ellen
Kevin Swanson is preacher man. He is not fond of Girl Scouts. And their damn cookies.
“I’d say you ought to say no to the Girl Scout cookies,” Swanson told listeners. “I don’t want to support lesbianism, I don’t want to support Planned Parenthood and I don’t want to support abortion, and if that be the case I’m not buying Girl Scout cookies.”
Swanson also called the Girl Scouts of the USA ”a wicked organization,” that doesn’t promote “godly womanhood.”
To be very honest, I do not know what godly womanhood is but I suspect it has to do with fixing Kevin Swanson’s dinner.
But, you know, for such a handsome devil, I pretty much think any free minded woman would surrender her scouting abilities to drop everything and cook for Ole Kevin.
But there is an “out” for those of you totally addicted to Girl Scout cookies.
Swanson said that if listeners continue to buy Girl Scout cookies, they should “take a big, fat, black magic marker” and “start marking out all of the references to the Girl Scouts of America on all the boxes.”
Yeah, because it’s the nakkid boxes that make you lesbian.
And you can thank the good people at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., for saving you from the wicked box labeling. That’s just another of the cheerful free services we offer here.
“I do not know what godly womanhood is but I suspect it has to do with fixing Kevin Swanson’s dinner.”
Quotable.
1This is the same right wing radio host who claims that gays caused Hurricane Sandy, that the Boy Scouts would start giving out merit badges for cannibalism and sodomy now that gays were no longer banned and that Christians would start burning gay couples at the stake if they married.
2I’m sensing a theme here…he doth protest too much.
Why do these clowns all feel so threatened? Are they all so insecure in their manhood or whatever.
3He also maintains that a “godly woman” should not “go into the marketplace and compete against men” but she should be a “helpmeet” and make a nice home for him so HE can go out and compete (against other men, of course) in said marketplace.
However…it’s interesting you should use the word “out”…because I don’t think the Rev. Swanson is just yet.
But by all means, carry on, Rev. Kev. We’ve got lots of popcorn.
4Bless his poor little heart. He feels backed into a corner. You reckon he knows you can buy thin mint cookies at the grocery store too? I also am glad that we aren’t all on a talk show that people can hear on the radio. Imagine their responses. This is way more fun.
5Oh, I meant to offer the use of my big black marker to Juanita Jean’s volunteer marker outers.
6Braxton –
I think the statement needs to be edited slightly…
“I do not know what godly womanhood is but I suspect it has to do with fixing Kevin’s Swanson TV dinner.”
There, that fixes that misconception.
*Gryn*
7They can have my Savannah Smiles when they pry them out of my cold, dead hands.
(Or maybe I already said that. I stand by my words.)
8Oh, yes, and I LOVE Ellen!
9So far into the closet he can see Narnia.
10Would be interesting to know if he has a serious man crush on Cruz. Sounds like his stick and Cruz’s stick float the same way.
11So, we can have and carry guns, but NO mint cookies????
Do not come after my mint cookies. Just warning you.
12I already wear plaid and I wouldn’t mind dating Ellen, I already know that our relationship would be purely platonic.
Just saying…..
13Sorry for judging a book by it’s cover but one look at him makes sheep scared, very scared.
14He needs God’s authority because he’s just not man enough himself.
15And I thought that Thin Mints were just a danger to my thighs and my blood sugar. Who knew?
16I could tell you what he thinks a godly woman should be (they call it “Complementarianism”), but April K has done a much better job from a personal perspective.
17http://revolfaith.com/2013/10/20/i-went-to-the-well-and-the-well-was-dry-how-complementarianism-destroys-women/
Don A, thanks for sharing this with us. It is absolutely true. Live and learn.
18Somebody got caught with his hand in the cookie jar one too many times by Mommy.
19Reminds me of a story my Mom used to tell. There was a very devout, elderly woman who loved to read but was disturbed by some of the bad words she ran across. So her solution was to simply cross out all the bad words without reading them.
20What a Christian leader! Swanson is the kind of fundamentalist who makes his bones advocating the “missionary position” and none other. Religious zealots like him who are so obsessed with sex frequently turn up with sexual quirks of their own. I wonder if the day will come when the authorities seize his computer and discover that he’s downloaded a terabyte or two of kiddie porn. Here’s a recent sampling of his stuff:
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/category/people/kevin-swanson
Kevin Swanson Begs You Not To Buy Communist Lesbian Girl Scout Cookies -10/21/2013
Kevin Swanson Blames Colorado Floods On ‘Decadent Homosexual Activity,’ Marijuana And Abortion Rights – 9/20/2013
Swanson: Tell Gay Couples To Die On Their Wedding Day – 9/5/2013
Swanson: Mark Twain Was ‘Demon-Possessed’ – 08/30/2013
Swanson and Buehner: Boy Scouts Will Soon Have A ‘Sodomy Merit Badge’ And A ‘Cannibal Merit Badge’ – 8/19/2013
Swanson and Buehner React to Calls for Tolerance: Pope’s Clothes ‘Gay,’ Desmond Tutu ‘Hates Jesus’ – 08/14/2013
Swanson: Royal Baby Should Have Been Named ‘Mohammad Elton John’ – 8/2/2013
Swanson: Colorado Becoming a Stoned, Gay, ‘Worst Possible Hellhole on Planet Earth’ – 07/10/2013
21I am a proud Girl Scout leader of three troops of wonderful girls and I wouldn’t sell that jackwipe a box of cookies for all the money in the world.
22To tell the truth, I thought that “big, fat, black magic marker” was a euphemism for … well, you figure it out.
23@Diane #12- Just to let you know you will not have to make your stand alone.I’m a combat veteran of a previous military misadventure and would back you 110% on the Thin Mints barricades.I’d have to buy a gun preferably the Springfield Armory M1- A but that’s a small enough sacrifice for Thin Mints. I’d even buy a shirt or something in plaid were it really necessary. Stephanie- whatever Thin Mints you have left over I’ll take.
24http://www.rightwingwatch.org/category/people/kevin-swanson
Try this site for Umptydump.
25Dan, the way he’s going on, his “magic marker” isn’t that big, nor magic.
Jesus loves the little children (and his neighbors!), whether they sell cookies or belong to any other groups he considers subversive. This fellow will just have to lump it.
26@Kate Dungan: FOUR STARS!!! Funny, funny, funny!
27Seriously. I never heard of this anti-Girl Scout stuff. And I used to be a scout leader. My special skill was knives.
And my late husband loved and adored Thin Mints.
28Kate@10
“So far into the closet he can see Narnia.”
Well now, that put a smile on my face.
29I guessing the poor guy has a thing for little girls in uniforms.
30If there were a god, he’d have one nasty sense of humor to keep sticking us with these jackwagons.
Still, more Thin Mints for the sane people! Well, semi anyway, since I’m including me.
31I am sitting here with a huge grin on my face, looking at that horrid little face at the top of the column that says such off-the-wall crazy things, and I wonder: WHAT was he like when younger?? Bullied by Girl Scouts and Lesbians all smoking pot…what?? I was a GS for 12 years, then years later worked for them for some 8 years. Very few lesbians. A LOT of Thin Mints. Wonder what that says… I have never heard of this lunatic, but I’d hate to see the inside of his brain.
32Wow, I get to eat lots of Thin Mints (r) and feel virtuous? Where’s the down side?
33UmptyDump — thanks for the list of some of Swanson’s sh– (whoops, I mean “stuff”). I see from the list that the Girl Scouts are not only lesbians, which is distressing enough, but they’re COMMUNIST lesbians. I’ll just have to buy more cookies this year. Also, thanks to JJ for warning of this latest evil.
34Thin Mints are a gift from God, as are Samoas.
Swanson can’t tell the difference between chicken salad and chicken shit.
35Every so often, one of these right wing jerkoffs takes it in his head to go after the Girl Scouts. In February 2012, an Indiana state rep from Ft. Wayne named Bob Morris was the only one in the Indiana House who refused to support a resolution congratulating Girl Scouts on their 100th anniversary.
https://juanitajean.com/2012/02/23/fight-the-culture-war-by-eating-cookies-in-my-book-thats-a-win-win/
The Republican House leader quickly disavowed Morris’s letter to his fellow Republicans after the story went viral on the web and he even became the butt of Jimmy Kimmel’s late night jokes. A college buddy of mine is the editor of the Ft. Wayne newspaper and could only shake his head when Morris nevertheless managed to get reelect later in the year, thus proving that Texas has no monopoly on morons who vote.
36Near here is a gun shop. For awhile they had a sign that said STOP GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. Now the sign probably meant Stop here where you can buy Girl Scout cookies, especially since it was a commercially printed sign. But I wondered if its being at a gun shop might give the wrong people ideas.
37Susie, “good” businesses generally have a business purpose to their window signs. This shop owner left off the tag line – “See Our Special Sale On Girl Scout Ammo!”
38Lesbian,godless,demon-posessed,Girl Scout uniform piercing ammo tipped with garlic,just in case.
39Allen West has filed congressional papers in Florida,again,so I’ve heard.
40What a moron! He needs to get out of his Mom’s basement and try a Thin Mint.
41I can adjust those cookie boxes for a small nominal fee and donate the profit to “the needy.”
42