Yeah, And I Have a Bridge I’d Like to Sell You
Customer Kyle, like me, is a fan of the tin foil hat wearing social media. He sent us this nugget.
First off, do you get extra points when you hit his foot while it’s in his mouth?
The story comes from “an insider,” which means somebody who knows somebody whose cousin knows a guy who went to a Rick Perry rally three years ago.
The insider, who is deep within Republican politics, said an unusual number of black-clad, heavily armed state troopers are escorting Perry to speeches and other public events, such as a recent dinner in South Carolina.
“My state representative was just at a dinner honoring Gov. Perry and observed an unusual amount of security, so [he] asked around and found Perry has a $45 million bounty on his head from [a] Mexican cartel,” he said. “They have been trying to keep it quiet for obvious reasons, but the security is humongous.”
And those “obvious reasons” would be …..? No, seriously, why would you keep that quiet? Truthfully, Rick Perry can’t keep quiet about what he had for dinner so why this? Hell, the man even videotaped his baptism for release to the media.
To be honest, there ain’t nothing in Rick Perry’s head worth a buck ninety eight, much less $45 million.
Do you really believe that anybody would be afraid of these guys?
Look, Rick Perry became a millionaire while never having a job in his entire life except elective office. Obviously, somebody is already paying for his head — while he’s wearing it.
Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.
When he becomes “Citizen Perry” do the taxpayers in Texas still have to pay to keep him “secure”?
Inquiring minds would like to know.
1Why would a Mexican drug cartel want Rick Perry injured in any way? Is it because listening to Rick Perry speak causes more brain damage more quickly than the cartel’s consumer products?
Seriously, though – the drug cartels currently seem to be killing people who seek to help the poor and downtrodden. Rick Perry wouldn’t seem to match that victim profile.
2Former Gov Attention (rhymes with poor) is yelling: “See how important I am? I need special protection!”.
First off, if he’s such a target, maybe he shouldn’t be going out in public running for POTUS like he has a shot at it. Hell, I have a better chance of walking a Victoria’s Secret Runway in a thong and wings. And just like a President Perry, that’s just a sight no one wants to see.
Second, I think InfoWars made a mistake. Drug Cartels just wanted to put 45 million BUGS in Rick Perry’s BED. Such bad journalism. Tsk tsk.
Last, who’s paying for all this? Us? If so, I want a damn refund from Former Gov Idiot.
3God that picture of Hannity and Perry together is priceless. Can you imagine what two testosterone fountains like these guys talked about with their hats turned around backwards? Living the American dream (in their heads). I imagine no woman who had been fortunate enough to pass near them that day would have been able to resist their animal magnetism. Could we . . oh, be still my heart . . . . might we be seeing the early signs of a Perry / Hannity “Hang on to your sanity” Ticket in 2016??
A boy can dream.
4About 98% of my personal inside information about drug cartels comes from Hollywood movies. Like Romancing the Stone. So I feel I’m as qualified to write on the subject as the tin foil hat insider above.
If I understand the concept correctly, a drug lord does not like his money or drugs to go missing, or to discover it’s a little short on the count or light on the scale. They keep track of their funds like a bank. And while they will gladly buy big haciendas and large 8 mile per gallon cars, they do not like to invest $45 million on nothing.
Rick Perry is no longer governor, and will not be president. Any drug cartel with $45 million to throw around is not going to part with that kind of money for a guy with no power or influence. They’d rather buy a rhino shaped roll up desk from Neiman Marcus. And one or two other items. That should come to about $45 million.
5This is total hogwash! Really! I mean it! Simply endears Perry to the tin foil hat crowd. Unfortunately you need way more people than that in order to win a national election. Instead, this is going to rebound against him, especially when some cartel nabob is asked about this and he wets the couch laughing.
6Can anyone say ‘BS story”?
7Texas is open carry, ex-governor and still dumb fool. Buy your own gun and protect yourself like a real man. What’s the point of open carry, if you require a herd of nurse maids?
8I wish I could
– confirm the 45 million offer
– confirm the name of the offerer
– find him/her and shake their hand
– match their 45 million and raise them 45 million
Of course I can do none of those things, but as patron Mark Schlemmer says, “A boy can dream.”
9If the alleged bounty on the head of Slick Rick works as well as the alleged bounty on the head of that Arizona shurff, S.R. has nothing to worry about.
10Now really. Who writes that fiction?
11That’s a photo of two guys too dumb to know what the bill on a cap is for, despite their need for sunglasses to shade their eyes. I wouldn’t trust either one of them with a burned-out match, and I don’t think it’s worth that much money to shut one of them up.
12Yeah, okay. Rick Perry – the Elliot Ness of Texas. A legend in his own mind.
13Did you notice which website carried the made-up story?
It was none other than Alex Jones! http://www.infowars.com/report-drug-cartel-places-45-million-bounty-on-rick-perrys-head/
My favorite Alex Jones video!
This video short video spotlights Jones trying to think and talk at the same time, it ain’t going to work!
It’s well worth a minute of your time!
http://www.infowars.com/report-drug-cartel-places-45-million-bounty-on-rick-perrys-head/
14It seems that by Googling – “Rick Perry bounty $45 million hit,” all the different sites that reporting on this supposedly hit, got their info from Alex Jones! Most of them used the Jones’s website post for their own post, word for word!
15If the cartels are as savvy as the fear mongerers have lead us to believe they know that pRick is not worth $45.00, much less $45 million. In other words, not worth the bullet.
16$45 million! Marked down from $100 million. Hey, it’s an after-Christmas sale!
17Did anyone watch Madam Secretary last Sunday night? An idiot governor of Texas was one of the problems she dealt with. So sad but so true.
18Great. Put Perry and Arpaio in the witness protection program so we never hear another word from or about them again.
19That’s worth $45 mil.
maryelle dear goddess, no. Just no. Let those two fend for themselves. As they and the NRA would say, they’ve the right to defend themselves. However, for all the money both of them have fleeced from the taxpayers, we retain the rights to any and all video of those two ammosexuals attempting to stand their ground. I love comedy and schadenfreude; this would be a two for one.
20RA reminds me of the saying, “not worth the powder it would take to blow him to hell.” If anyone wants to use this to describe Perry, or Hannity, or Louie Gohmert, feel free. Or Kirby Delauter.
21Rhea, the updated version of “not worth the powder it would take to blow him to hell” would be “keep your powder dry” with the added provision of ‘let that be a challenge.’ Perry would probably mistake a powder horn for a chew stick and Loopy Louie …. Is there a moment that fool isn’t either spitting or drooling?
Given the cost of ammunition and the relative ‘worth’ of the idiots, my simple conclusion is something in a nice reusable hammer might be most effective.
22Considering the concealed carry laws and the poverty of some gun nuts, if I were Perry I’d stay out of Texas.
23Corinne Sabo, ammosexuals are nearly as capable of thinking straight as they are of shooting straight; not. Sorry about your luck, but facts support the fact that Perry is safest in Texas, hiding in plain sight.
Points for a nice try, Corinne, but Texas already shipped the rest of us a couple of poisonous bushes. http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/35985298.jpg What he said.
24Gevalt.
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