Y’all, Louie Figured Out How Babies (and Insults) are Made
Somebody wound Louie up last week and he took to the House floor to insult gay people, because that’s what Louie does for a living. He wants you to know Matt Damon isn’t gay.
Earlier today, Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Texas, put a new spin on his “gay island” story, arguing on the House floor that the push for LGBT rights is wrong because we would never choose to send gay couples or gay animals into space to start a new colony like in the Matt Damon movie “The Martian.”
Gohmert also cited the work of Jonathan Cahn, a far-right End Times preacher who believes God is punishing America (and France) due to gay marriage with events such as the 9/11 attacks, to assert that the end is near.
You know that thing Sarah Palin has where she can’t make a sentence so she just roams around a verbal smorgasbord sampling words here and there? Louie has come down with a very bad case of that.
Here’s some Friday Fun for you!
There’s male, female, and question mark.
Note that we need to love the gays while calling them “perverse.”
And he warns us that even if we are not Louie Christians, we need to be scared of God.
I want to tell you a funny story. Our friend Glen Maxey was the first openly LGBT person to be elected to the Texas state legislature. Last year, they gave his butt a big roast to raise money for an LGBT candidate in Austin. Everybody who was anybody was there. No recording equipment was allowed because … well, of this:
There were three speakers. Two of them were very well known and influential elected official women, (who shall remain nameless because I’d like to see them elected again). And because they couldn’t find a third influential person to do it, they asked me. It got a little raunchy. Okay, it got a whole lot raunchy.
There’s a thing that a gay party isn’t a party until there’s a boy in his underwear. So, they have a real hunka hunka burnin’ love young honey in his tighty whiteys. It was winter and it was cold in Austin. I’m a mother. I got worried about the Hunka Hunka getting cold. I quietly mention this to Glen, suggesting that maybe we get him a jacket or a blanket or something. Glen looked at me as if I had suggested we burn books for fun.
So, I turned to one of the other women and told her that I know I’m a Momma because I am worried about that boy getting cold. She also gave me the look and said, “Susan, dammit, that guy is so hot that he’s the only thing in here keeping me warm.” Two drinks later, I was flirting with him.
Thanks to everybody for the Louie heads up.
Louie must be hating all the oxygen being sucked out by Donnie Drumpf. But leave it to Louie to up his crazy for a bit of attention. House floor, no less. He must be desperate to have escaped from the broom closet over at C-SPAN. Must really suck to be Lyin’ Ryan this week.
And, like Einstein’s theory of insanity, when something isn’t working; repeat. That is the snacilbupeR game plan. Repeat the failed.
Our government has been in the hands of old white boys for over 250 years, and we are not doing so well. I’m a straight male privileged white guy; just not old yet. However, I “see” a need for change. Give the women, minorities and the LGBTQA a shot at running things. Diversity implies diverse thinking. Thinking we could use some of that. That and elevating the 14th Amendment over the s’nacilbupeR grotesque interpretation of the 2nd A.
1Well this changes my impression of Louie. I was wrong, OK? He’s not the poorly educated, ill-mannered boor that I though he was. He’s an attention whore. He probably takes that magazine cover of himself into the men’s room with him.
2It’s too bad CSPAN won’t run a pan shot whenever Goober speaks. I’ll bet there isn’t a soul in the chamber save one Hispanic custodian driving a broom down the center aisle. Goober tends to do that a couple of times a week, blathering along after everybody in the House goes home for the day.
3JJ, when I read a snippet about this on Crooks & Liars, I thought Ghomert was talking about Interstellar – in which Matt Damon plays an insane astronaut who tries to kill the astronauts sent to rescue him.
I think it’s a more fitting film for Louie, don’t you?
4What strikes me is that we once thought Screwy Louie was the worst politician in the US of A. Compared to tRump, however, Louie seems . . . almost normal.
5Excellent example Louie, using “The Martian” to explain how important it would be to have a heterosexual stranded by himself, without a woman, to populate Mars.
And I assume, start a new hermit colony?
6Does the Lou-zer have kids, by the way, or any way?
7Since Louie apparently was once student body president at Baylor, you would have to expect him to only support those manly, conservative Christian university activities – like victimizing and assaulting women. None of of this “vile ho-ho-homosexual” behavior (unless of course it’s conducted in dormitory closets). After all, a he-man has a public image to protect. Regardless of personal orientation, any male Texan Democrats encountering Louie should just blow him a kiss and watch him go bonkers!
8@e platypus onion
Unknown. But he displays a highly effective form of birth control. His personality.
9BarbinDC, the crazy fools like Screwy Louie, Cantaloupe Steve King (not to be confused with the NY bomb throwing Rep Peter King) and Donnie Drumpf are snacilbupeR decoys meant to distract us from the seriously dangerous Trickle Down voodoo ‘economists’ like Lyin’ Ryan and Mitch McTurtle or the chicken hawks like Gramps McCain and FAL Graham.
UmptyDump, excellent plan! Albeit, exercise all due caution with Loopy Louie, if you’re a straight male. With all his projection, Louie might offer a welcome you didn’t intend. Hell, after being rejected by all sane gay males, Louie may have extended his hunting grounds.
10e platypus onion and Micr, per Wiki the Loopster has 3 children. Sources unknown. Wiki didn’t say, and Mama probably would appreciate it, if we didn’t speculate.
11It was actually about as coherent as I’ve seen him. He’s wrong but there’s a cogent argument there. The problem is that the right wing still does not fully understand the establishment clause of the first amendment. They still believe it means you have the right to be Baptist, Catholic, Methodist, Lutheran, or Unitarian. Some will even go as far as to support your right to be none of those, but we still get to base our laws on the idea that everyone is one of those. There are a lot of things we thought were harbingers of mental illness 50 or 100 years ago. Saying such is not an authoritative repudiation of any such behavior. The basic definition of mental illness I learned in school said that any behavior had to be deviant (which is to say culturally rare and not “wrong”) and had to prove to be a significant barrier to optimal functioning. You just can’t prove the second one with LGTB community. It’s only a limitation because our society has placed one on it.
12Thanks,guys. Maybe Brother Louie hizownself doesn’t know where his kids came from.
13God, I love that photo of Louie with all the empty chairs behind him. Its almost like everyone else present when he got up to speak set land speed records getting out of there!
14Reminds me of a song, Maggie.
Got some people lining up for seven days before you come
But then your house is full of empty chairs
Are you finding self-importance in the things that you’ve done?
You’re findin’ out that no one really cares
Read more: Guess Who – Attila’s Blues Lyrics | MetroLyrics
15We wouldn’t choose to send Louie to a space colony either. Does that mean he can’t use a public restroom?
16http://bit.ly/16w2BaD
17“Einstein’s theory of insanity.” PKM, I was unaware of that theory. Einstein was clearly even smarter than I realized. He foresaw 21st century snacilbupeR idiocy.
18Omg JJ, I’m still laughing at your story. Louie, no. There is nothing Christian about him. He takes the phrase “God-fearing” very literally. He must be a really unhappy, conflicted individual who needs a long journey into the wilderness, where he can only hope to gain some enlightenment.
19Now here’s America’s Dumbest Congressman and his intergalactic post-armageddon sex boat http://goo.gl/k40T8U
20Elizabeth Moon,
21I (and many others) would gladly “send Louie to a space colony”, along with hordes of his brethren.
In a danged flash (or big bang), regardless of cost (you gotta think long term benefits). Get SpaceX, Firefly, Ariane, the Russki’s, DPRK, anybody, crackin’ on building the launch vehicles (and in the interest of quantity, the quality ‘could’ possibly be eased a bit…). BuhBye, rethugs, happy new ‘Teabag World’ for y’all’s ownselves.
Gay space colonies? WTF?
22The GOP, where sanity goes to die.
Nope, not listening to Louie, especially not for almost five minutes. I need to keep the brain cells I have, and I don’t know how many would dive out my ears to avoid hearing Louie.
I’m with Sandridge– I volunteer Louie and a lot of people like him to go form a space colony, as long as they all get one-way tickets.
23would someone please sedate the poor fella, and return him to his rubber room…
24I tried, but I couldn’t do it. I could not listen to Louie till the end. Nor even halfway through. I’m just glad others did so I didn’t have to. I’ve been listening to crap like that my entire life (so far), and I just won’t do it voluntarily any more.
25Actually…for a “space colony” with very limited resources, you don’t WANT fertile couples. There you are, in a hostile environment–can’t breathe the air outside, can’t drink the water, can barely grow enough food in your little indoor garden to survive–and suddenly all the women are preggers. Say a 10 person colony (Kipling said you ought to have 12, the jury number, but he was just a writer, right?) and now you have 5 pregnant women.
Then you have 5 guys, 5 women, and 5 babies. Who breathe, using up your oxygen and increasing your CO2…nursing women, because newborns can’t eat kale and carrots and potatoes yet, who require more calories. Then you have 5 guys, 5 women, 5 five-year-olds, 5 three-year-olds (nursing often inhibits fertility), 5 one-year olds, and your little habitat’s life support system goes blooey.
So sending up people who are unlikely to breed like…people…makes a more viable space colony. Stagger the ages, and you can stagger in replacements, until there’s enough infrastructure for a few more…and a few more.
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