When You’ve Lost Your Way …
… along comes Joel Osteen and his Inspiration Cube.
Throw away your Magic 8 Ball, your ouija board, your tarot cards. There’s no more crystal balls, there’s the official one and only new and improved Joel Osteen Inspiration Cube.
Click right here to get a free listen and check out the $39.99 sale price with free shipping and handling.
And if you go all the way to the bottom, you can see that this fine product, almost semi-guaranteed to save your mortal soul, is brought to you by the same fine people who brought you Copper-Fit, Snackeez, and NuRazor. You know it’s gotta be good if it’s advertised on teevee after you go to bed.
Due to special nano-technology, electronic engineering, space age development, and magic, you can listen to Joel while relaxing in your home, preparing meals, and yes, even at bedtime. And free of charge, I know this is hard to believe, you can even use your earbuds with this bargain of scientific development.
I don’t know about God, but Joel wants you to spend money, money, money with absolutely no means of visible community support to show for it.
If I pay extra, would they send two? So I can check one’s advice against the other’s?
1Not that I am suspicious or paranoid…
or going to send any money, either.
Didn’t Jesus throw his ancestors out of the temple and overturn their money tables? Yep, he’s the one!
2You’re good enough. You’re smart enough. And gosh darn it people like you.
3Definition of a cube:
Cube – a regular solid of six equal square sides
I would guess the advice it dispenses is on pare with the fact that The Inspiration Cube is not a cube.
4Lest we forget the subliminal chip that activates at 4 am and whispers in your rem sleep: ‘Vote republican… Vote republican… The ACA is the devil’s healthcare… Trump needs cash now for his lawyers… at least $5,000. bless and keep you till tomorrow.
5The ads for this have been showing up on the MeTV station that shows reruns of Perry Mason and The Twilight Zone late at night. If there is a more oily, smug person than Osteen, I don’t even want to know who it is. His followers need a lot more help than he can give them, that’s for sure.
6I don’t know the name but there’s an even worse example that comes on a station out of Atlanta. Imagine Men at Work, rejiggered as black and white men and women working to fleece the rubes.
Help me out, I imagine some readers know of whom I speak.
7Joel always does his best to give religion a bad name.
8Christmas shopping season is here. It sounds perfect for people who are enraged when some exhausted cashier says “Happy holiday” instead of “Merry Christmas.” They can stay home and yell at the UPS driver.
9These “churches” have pushed to allow people in so that they can collect admission for their dog and pony shows. This is just one more greedy try at invading wallets of the weak minded.
10Why does Ronco come to mind?
11Thanks, but no thanks, Joel. But in your memory we can send a donation to Act Blue. Want your name on the card?*
* Joel doesn’t have to be dead or anything to put his name on the donation. Those wonderful temporary/pre-paid Visa cards can be so much fun. Safe too, for those of you who don’t like having your financial info on the internet.
12Osteen makes me think of the latest stuff written over at Stonekettle Station. The same mindlessness that is often – too often – found in groups like this “church” fits in very well with the latest at S.S. He tells it like it is. And frankly all those tRump lovers really would be just as happy or even happier in a monarchy or a “democratic” totalitarian country. Democracy just scares them way too much.
13So when will TWMDBSI be available in a Crazy 8-Ball like device or on a Sirius XM channel?
Timeless classic posts read by their authors followed by readings of each response. Trolls would sound like Darth Vader (or Darth Cheney) accompanied by appropriate Star Wars theme. Others would have their responses read accompanied by harp music.
Just a thought
14I wonder if the pictures of people beside the “testimonials” are stock photos.
(Still haven’t forgiven JO for not letting people into his building after/during Katrina because he didn’t want his rugs to get messed up… This little gem ought to fit right in with that place.)
15Is there an appropriate quote for when your wife is thrown off a flight for acting like a FCB (First-Class Bitch) and you have to spend your follower’s money on a private jet?
16#FalseProfit #LetUsPrey
17Osteen should fire the marketing team for the misnomer on this flock fleecing device. “The Rube Cube” would have been much more applicable, but might have been a little too close to Rubik’s Cube. I’m taking bets on when the full line of sportswear for this latest money grab by the tax exempt cult is released with a full line of logo imprinted shirts, caps, yoga gear, socks, underwear, ad infinitum.
18Jesus must be so proud.
19Lynne @19. Honey, I don’t think Jesus remembers him at all. Sorry, Joel.
20Did not think I could think less of him, but there it is…a grifter of unlimited slime.
21I never understood this “copperfit” nonsense and why people fell for it. Why on Earth would anyone think that just putting copper into a sleeve/brace/… would magically make it better? And why copper rather than aluminum, magnesium, or any other metal?
Hey, I’m not contesting the folks who say wearing their devices make them feel better (pay me a nice fee and I’ll say it too!), but where are the peer reviewed scientific studies?
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