When the Lightning Strikes Ted, He’ll Sizzle for Hours
Ted Cruz is prancing around American playing Joan of Arc. That boy is just two nails and a hammer away from having himself arranged nicely on a cross to be toted around the country and idolized.
Ted claims there is a war on faith. Explain to me why rightwing Christians think they have to be persecuted or rich. It’s either prosperity gospel or martyr gospel. There’s no in between. I do not know what happened to I Come to The Garden Alone gospel, but I sure do miss it. I liked it when Sweet Jesus was a comfort, not a personal weapon.
Anyway.
“The persecution of religious liberty ends today,” Cruz said to cheering crowds from the altar of a church in Chattanooga, Tenn., an outdoor stage in Little Rock and the flatbed of a pickup truck in Tupelo, Miss.
Here in Des Moines, the rally featured a performance by the Christian rock band the Newsboys. Attendees could pick up free American flags, coloring books titled “We “C” Ted Cruz for President” and a Ted Cruz pocket Constitution. A ministry handed out black rubber bracelets.
What? No Jesus Koozies?
Ted has reduced Jesus to his essence and poured him into a snake oil bottle that he’s peddling around the country. There will be lightning strikes, I can almost guarantee you that.
My favorite Tedism is this one —
“You want to know what this election is about?” Cruz asked. “We’re one justice away from the Supreme Court saying every image of God shall be torn down.”
Uh, Ted, I think Moses already took care of that.
Thanks to David for the heads up.
When they start feeding Christians to the lions during the half-time show, then maybe I’ll believe they’re being persecuted.
1Did you see where teddy bear was the favorite performer at the Koch Party convention over the weekend? There were 3000 people there who, when I was a kid, would have been in the state mental hospital. Just sayin.
2I come to the garden is number 1 on the list of music I’ve designated for my funeral, which I hope will come many years from now.
3When did religion become the primary weapon used to discriminate against others, scam people out of their money, sexually abuse or justify being mean and evil to other people? Why are we supposed to accept without question evil speech and action simply because people claim they are “christians”? We have a war against drugs and a war against terrorism to supposedly rid or prevent bad things from happening to our country and Americans, I’m all for adding a war against religion if it gets rid of people like Cruz from our society.
4Not even used McDonald’s grease looks as greasy as Cruz….
5I want my Jesus koozie. Why do those people persecute others and then claim they are persecuted?
6I don’t understand what Cruz is complaining about. “Christians” want to be able to discriminate against gays, women, black people, hispanics, muslims, etc.; well we should be able discriminate against “religious” people. Quid pro quo discrimination.
7I’m thinking some very unPagan like thoughts.
8Daffy Dominionist, Jr. doesn’t aspire to be president. He wants to be Supreme Ayatollah or Grand Wizard.
What’s really fascinating about the duck puck crazy of the fringe lunatic base is that T-Rump is out polling Daffy Jr. among those freaks.
9Ted’s miniature version of the Constitution? Does that have anything tod o with the real one?
10Wow, holy freaking wow. And the scariest part is that people show up for these rallies, hang on Ted’s every word. UGH
11His slimy appearance is the best ad for that snake oil that Ted Cruz is selling. Hope he passes a free copy of the Constitution along to his fellow candidates–quite a few of them seem to be unaware of its contents. What has our nation done to deserve this sorry lot? The GOP/Tea Baggers have a lot to answer for, having given politics AND religion serious black eyes. Hate, fear and fundamentalism are their stock in trade.
12“rightwing Christians think they have to be persecuted or rich.”
Preferably both.
Jesus said that believers would be persecuted for their faith, and they think they’re believers, therefore they must be persecuted. Except their definition of “persecuted” is “I can’t have everything my own way and persecute other people.”
The Roman tutor Seneca had it all figured out almost 2000 years ago:
To the common man, religion is true.
13To the philosopher, religion is false.
To the government, religion is useful.
“I liked it when Sweet Jesus was a comfort, not a personal weapon.”
Amen, JJ. Amen.
14Meanwhile,on the Sabbath,that demonized creature Jimmy Carter taught Sunday School as per usual.
When you have to repeatedly remind everyone that you are a kristian,or you love amerika more than anyone else,you aren’t and you don’t.
15p.s. Cruz is full of more caca than a kristmas turkey. Amen.
16@Maggie
17I thought the same thing! Wonder what 14A looks like in Raphael’s Constitution? Boggles the mind.
Like I said before, there was a time when no one used Jesus like a rented mule.
18I have to agree with Ted. My religious liberty has been under assault for at least 40 years that I can account for personally. And it is people like Ted who lead the assault.
If he won’t give me religious liberty, how can I feel sorry for his loss of religious liberty?
19Every rally Ted holds is a two-fer. First he stirs up his crowd of supporters until they jump to their feet and shout “Jesus Christ!” Then the rest of us read about it in the news the next day, and when we find it almost impossible to believe that people think this guy makes any sense, we shake our heads and mumble “Jesus Christ!”
20epo @15 — I believe that covers it. Amen.
21@Rick @ 20 … you got it exactly right!!
22Cruz and company are selective not only about their religiosity, but their belief in the Constitution as well.
23When they are ready to embrace all of it, then we might listen.
Larry from Colorado (I’m in Denver, btw) –
I grew up Catholic, but Mom was a converted Congregational. So growing up, “In the Garden” was one of my favorite hymns. We had it at Mom’s funeral, and I think at my aunt’s, too. I like its serenity, the feel of an intimate relationship with God. I tend to be areligious, but feel that one its best uses is to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
24Rhea – wow, that quote from Seneca is so great! I can’t believe I’d never heard it before.
25glf@4
You ask: When did religion become the primary weapon used to discriminate against others, scam people out of their money, sexually abuse or justify being mean and evil to other people?
Pretty much since the dawn of time! Certainly since the dawn of recorded history. Most wars/tribal disputes justify their actions by religious beliefs. And sometimes, it is non-war, just persecution, a great example is Fiddler on the Roof.
26Rhea’s quote is probably not from Seneca. It cannot be found in any of Seneca’s extant works. However, it is very similar to a quote from Gibbon when he talks about ancient philosophers.The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, vol. I, ch. II:” The various modes of worship which prevailed in the Roman world were all considered by the people as equally true; by the philosopher as equally false; and by the magistrate as equally useful. “
27@Larry from Colorado
At my memorial service I have specified to my youngest child that I prefer “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” blasted out on the big church organ. She agreed but only after nixing “Amazing Grace” on bagpipes.
28It’s much easier to enforce conformity under the guise of religion. Sometimes it’s to the good. If your entire population consists of nomadic clans, one good trichinosis outbreak could really put a dent in your plans for world domination. But “Hey, fellas, put down the rare pork roast” wouldn’t go over very well. And it’s not like they could say “cook it to an internal temperature of 165 degrees” because, Doktor Fahrenheit and his thermometer were still a good 4000 years away.
So, instead they couch it in the laws of the divine: And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you. (Lv 11:7)
And just in case, while you were out, a pig climbed in your oven and died there: And every thing whereupon any part of their carcase falleth shall be unclean; whether it be oven, or ranges for pots, they shall be broken down: for they are unclean and shall be unclean unto you. (LV 11:35)
I guess I’ll just have to torch my entire kitchen, because I doubt that there is a surface in it which has not had bacon grease spatter there.
Between an actual swine, however, and Ted Cruz…. I have a sneaking suspicion that he and I would differ on which of the two are “unclean.”
29Dominionist Daddy is every bit as scary as Teddy Boy Rafael.
30Isn’t Jesus in your heart Ted?
Why do you need him on your wall?
31So, Micr, exactly how many times have you seen “The Big Chill”?
Can’t believe I couldn’t remember the name – had to look it up on IMDB.
32@Lunargent
33Too many to count. I don’t get out much. Plus the storyline happened in Ann Arbor while I was in college elsewhere.
Just wonderin’; when the lightning strikes Ted, do you think he’ll smell like Gun Barrel Bacon?
Mmmmm, bacon….
34I’m really curious about all the Rethuglicans who are running for an office at which inauguration ceremony they must pledge allegiance to the Constitution of the United States of America “to protect and defend” the Constitution. Are they holding their fingers crossed behind their backs while they hold up the other hand?
Why do they bother?
35“We’re one justice away from the Supreme Court saying every image of God shall be torn down.”
And using your Bible to justify its ruling:
Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
36But they don’t bother to point out that greed and self-righteousness and lying and stealing are bad bad bad sins.
37