We Don’t Care If You Are God, We Still Need ID
The Federal Elections Commission ain’t about to suffer fools gladly.
They sent God a letter. By the way, he lives on Staten Island at this prestigious location, right next to Beach Bum Tanning Salon.
Well, so much for that omnipresent thing.
The FEC has doubts that God is a candidate for office and acting as his own campaign treasurer. You can see their questions for yourownself in this PDF.
Yeah, and Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen told me, “Identical letters were sent to Satan and Jesus Christ. And Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Captain Crunch, the Ghost of Ronald Reagan, Deez Nuts, etc.”
I don’t know if that’s true because, you know, Alfredo drinks a little. But he usually gets things right.
Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.
PLEASE let us know if they get a response! The letter actually says….
“Please respond to this request by September 29, 2016.”
1They have doubts? About God?!! Christian libelz!!
2Oh Sisters and Brothers of the salon: I’m running for office too. You can make your checks out to “Saint Mary Mags for Supreme Ruler of the Planet.” Send them directly to me because I’m running a solo campaign and I’ll take care of your money. (I figured I might as well start at the top, right?)
3Divine Debbo is shorter. Think bumper stickers!
4So why haven’t they sent this letter to the Trump campaign. Donald Trump is clearly an imaginary person.
5I saw a headline, “Federal Officials Question Existence of ‘God'”, and got all excited, my atheist heart going pitterpat.
Boy, was I disappointed to find out it was just about bogus election candidacies.
6. . . the ghost of Ronald Reagan, Deez Nuts . . . and the ghost of Jacob Marley who really, really, really needs to visit El Donaldo on the stroke of midnight ASAP.
7Reminds me of the Judge’s decision in Mayo v Satan, where someone sued Satan for leading him away from the paths of righteousness. The Judge’s decision was quite entertaining… Especially where he authorized the plaintiff to travel to the defendant’s domicile and serve him with notice of the lawsuit personally,
8Alfredo: I’ll have a medium cone with chocolate dip and a side of Corona.
9Debbo-do I get my share or do I tell the fleeced flock about your crutch and how you can’t ‘xactly run yet?
10I think it’s an effort to cut down on really stupid write-ins.
11They even had this on NPR today.
12@Debbo
I’m not running, but if I did, I would only be content with election to the high esteemed office of “Benevolent Dictator for Life”. Maybe next week, eh?
13Finally — finally — had time to read the letter from the FEC. My imagination runneth to image of God tied up in red tape.
14Shame on me NOT.
JAKvirginia, “Divine Debbo” is good. Would you be my Director of Media Operations? Unlike Scumpf, I’ll actually pay my minions.*
Micr, “Benevolent Dictator for Life” has a nice ring to it.* I’ll be Supreme Ruler, but you can have the military.
epo, you’d have to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement before you could touch a Cent!* You get the Treasury. BTW, today is my first crutchless day! Woo-hoo! Still wearing the boot for another week or two, but I get to walk on my own 2 tootsies!
* Non-compete and Non-Disclosure Agreements are mandatory.
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