.

Tom Delay wants to go to trial, but he wants the trial moved to his next door neighbor’s house and wants his church choir to be the jury.  It also wouldn’t mind it if the judge was his brother-in-law and his daughter was the court reporter. Nice try, Tom.

And reason he believes it should be moved from Travis County?

“Everybody knows Travis County is the last bastion of liberalism in Texas,” DeLay said. “There is no way I can get a free and fair trial in this county.”

“Okay, Bubbie,” Juanita grins, “First off, you are not gonna get a free trial any place.  Trials are not free.  They are very expensive.  Just because Jack Abramoff gave you free dinners and free trips doesn’t mean everything is free.  So just give up that free notion.”

“Now fair is different question.  If you don’t trust Texans with your case, perhaps we could have the trial moved to another state.  Let’s say … Vermont.  Okay, maybe not Vermont.  How about North Carolina?  No, wait, they went blue in 2008 so they’re just crawling with a liberal infestation, too.”

“Humm … we’re running out of room on the dance floor, Tom.  Maybe we could move it to another country?  How about Canada?  No, they got that socialized medicine.  I guess France is totally out of the question and Venezuela … well, ’nuff said.”

“I’ve got it!  Iran!  We can move your trial to Iran!” she shouts.  “They have one of those crazy religious nut leaders that you so adore and heaven knows that your jury will be filled with your fellow religious fanatics.  And nobody ever accused Iran of being liberal.  Heck, they’ll run the whole trial around religion.  You’ll fit right in.”

“Well, I’m glad that’s settled,” Juanita smiles.