Try Harder, America!

December 03, 2022 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

We have some pretty crappy scandals in this country.  Hunter Biden has a laptop – a laptop he’d rather not share with the world. Oh my.  Hillary Clinton had – shocker! – email. Can you even imagine a grown woman with email? Donald Trump wanted to grab women by the papaya. Honey, you could smell perversion on that man in the next zip code. Admit it, when you saw that guy, you put your fruit under lock and key.

Nobody understands financial crimes and scandals because we’ve never had enough money to criminalize it. Shoplifting and hot checks is about all that’s left.  Louie Gohmert has probably come close to that, but he’s not in office anymore and that takes all the fun out of it.

Hell, you can have dinner with a damn Nazi and it appears to be the fault of southern hospitality and good manners.

Nah … America needs a fun scandal – a scandal we can understand and enjoy.

Like South Africa.

They say it appears to be about $500,000 but that he could have stolen up to $3 million.  And put it in his sofa like a damnfool.

Now, that right there is a scandal we can all enjoy.

 

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0 Comments to “Try Harder, America!”


  1. He got rich farming buffalo??? How does that work?

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  2. Steve from Beaverton says:

    Seems pretty mild compared to what trumpf and family/organization did, and thus far only an underling is being held accountable (and a bunch of other things he’s done and continues to get away with).

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  3. BarbinDC @1
    Hahaha! Seems you can get rich growing anything if you have a green thumb. Thanks for the smile JJ and everyone!

    ‘BBC: Spaghetti-Harvest in Ticino’
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVo_wkxH9dU

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  4. thatotherjean says:

    OK, I understand why you would farm buffalo–the close-to-home American bison, anyway; but what kind of buffalo is he farming in South Africa? At least bison are tasty. Stuffing stolen money in your sofa? Not too bright. Is the leader of South Africa related to Donald Trump, maybe?

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  5. Laurel in California says:

    Some of the elderly among us may remember Paul Powell, sec of state in Illinois. After his death, some $800,000 in cash was found hidden in his apartment, mostly in shoeboxes under his bed. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Powell_(politician) Seems like the sofa would have been a more secure hiding place. In our house, a shoebox under the bed would almost certainly be discovered by one of the Samoyeds, and the cash converted to some form of canine effluvia.

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  6. slipstream says:

    When Russian diplomats pay the Trump organization $10,000 a night for hotel stays that’s “just business.”

    When President Obama wears a tan suit it’s the scandal of the century.

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  7. Jane & PKM says:

    Meh. $500,000 to possibly a mere $3 million? Albeit that places the South African official ahead of any financial shenanigans Louie was able to pull off. But. If it is corruption and profit he seeks, there any number of corrupt US politicians who could advise him. And, no, not TFG. He fails at everything. Moscow Mitch would be in the top ten of choices as to how to steal from the public.

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  8. The Surly Professor says:

    lex @3: I vaguely recall the spaghetti harvest was reported on an American show (Jack Parr?) also … and travel agents in NYC reported a tripling in reservations to Italy.

    But my all-time favorite was a radio program in 1950s Fort Worth that reported the phone company would be cleaning their lines that day (April 1) by blowing them out with compressed air. And not to worry if there was extra dust blown around homes with phones because of it. Ma Bell was flooded with people complaining about how messy and dusty it made their house, and the radio station had to play a disclaimer and retraction every 20 minutes for the next two days.

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  9. “Nobody understands financial crimes and scandals…”

    That’s the key isn’t it? And if people can’t understand an incident they’ll be glad to turn on Tucker Carson for his in depth analysis of current events:

    Laptop – BAD!!! Very BAD!!!
    Classified documents – GOOD!!!

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  10. Did i read that right? They are Constitutionally forbidden to have any outside income while serving the government? We need that rule here. No more Trumps. But one would need to be wells off to run. Oh, well.

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  11. Perhaps someone could set fire to the sofa *accidentally* ?

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  12. Opinionated Hussy says:

    Surly #8 – We had a recording of that at a radio station where I worked a number of years ago. Folks were instructed to put a paper bag over the handsets of their phones to keep the dust down.

    Money in the couch. Reminds me of the bundles of cash found in Herman Talmadge (Georgia Senator)’s raincoat in the late ’70’s. And wasn’t there a Senator with bundles of cold cash in his freezer in Louisiana?

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  13. WA Skeptic says:

    That S. African scandal was not $3 million; it was actually about the $351 million fine given to a US company for paying bribes to S. A. officials which is prohibited by law.
    Buncha pikers; TFG is better at stealing because he’s never going to spend one minute in the slammer.

    Check Reuters for the info. A real laff riot.

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  14. Harry Eagar says:

    Opinionated Hussy @12

    Congressman William Jefferson. He got 13 years and that was 13 years ago, so he is just about ready for his comeback.

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  15. Harry Eagar says:

    There is a 2003 oral history interview of Jefferson, which seems to require a subscription. I’d give a purty to see it.

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  16. The Surly Professor @ 8 Lol great stories! I saw the spaghetti harvest somewhere on the TV about 40 years ago and luckily found it recently on utube. Still gives me a chuckle.

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  17. @thatotherjean
    The true buffalo (not bison) are native to the eastern hemisphere. In South Africa, the native version is the Cape Buffalo. That’s a big game species. I don’t know if they ranched like cattle, of if what was called a ranch in the article is what we would call a game preserve.

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