Guest column by Bryan Bankston – 

There are many things the Nazis have ruined. The 1936 Summer Olympics, yelling and gesturing wildly while giving an impassioned speech, the Arc of the Covenant, and the fact that if you dress up as Charlie Chaplin for Halloween, you absolutely cannot take your bowler hat off.

But now that the Nazis are back, they have ruined one of my favorite things. Faux Polynesian kitsch. Yes, my favorite type of illumination while drinking rum out of a coconut waiting for the pig to finish spit-roasting: The tiki torch.

I don’t how the decision was made to utilize this particular variety of cultural appropriation, but I’m guessing one of the Nazis initially suggested the use of regular torches, but the rest of the Nazis were worried that it might confuse people into thinking they were protesting Frankenstein instead of the removal of a racist statue. After one particularly smart-ass Nazi brought up the fact that Frankenstein was the name of the doctor, not the monster, they decided on tiki torches

Fortunately I have a way to make tiki kitsch again, as well as completely changing the optics of the Nazi demonstrations. It’s easy. Replace all confederate statues with tiki statues.

When the Nazis come back to Charleston to protest, as they did a few days ago, this is what it will look like:

You know longer have a bunch of racists delivering a hate filled message. Now it’s just frat boys worshipping the tiki god. Problem solved.