The My Pillow Guy
You’ve seen him on the teevee deeply caring that you get a good night’s rest. He looks innocent enough to be a choir boy and … dammit, he almost is.
Meet Mike Lindell, the guy hawking My Pillow.
Recalling his recovery from crack cocaine and alcohol addiction, Mr. Lindell said he “woke up” in 2009 “oblivious as to what was going on in our country.”
“What I saw before me were friends unemployed, terrible political correctness, people saying ‘happy holidays’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas’ and people trying to take God out of everything and not even acknowledging Jesus Christ,” said Mr. Lindell. “Quite frankly it looked like the End Times prophesied in the bible.”
“I now bring you back in time to the summer of 2015,” Mr. Lindell continued. “I see Donald Trump coming down an escalator and announcing he is running for president. For me it was a divine and miraculous moment — I felt something miraculous was about to unfold.”
Yeah, just like the Rip Van Wrinkle of dope, he awoke from his years of debauchery to discover people magically descending down elevators with beautiful women following them, almost like 9 virgins rolled into one. This has to be from God’s wayward brother, Cocaine God.
If I ever heard a good reason for if you get coked up, stay coked up, this is it. You fried your brain, son.
President Trump was “chosen by God” to run for the White House, My Pillow founder Mike Lindell said on the opening day of the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in suburban D.C.
Here is a man who thinks Trump was chosen by God and that hackers are not a problem at all. In fact, My Pillow found no need to alert its customers that their credit card information was hacked for several months back in 2017. No need at all, until RiskQ makes it public this year. And then, and only then, do they say anything.
The hackers accessed the credit card systems in April 2017 and stayed on the site for several months, according to researchers with the firm RiskQ.
After RiskQ made its results public, MyPillow confirmed in a statement to CENT that it detected the breach back in 2017.
Personally, I think they should have advised their customers that as a precaution they should take a down escalator with a hooker into a street corner of drug dealers. After all, that’s how God picks winners!
Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.
Simply a fried brain sideshow hawker. pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
1As someone commented – don’t recall where – after many of the ‘Trump was chosen by God’ comments – ‘I guess God ran out of locusts.’
2“Finding Jesus” is an excuse of convenience for those who avoid personal responsibility. When Mike is rating sins both venial and “Top Ten” he should give a glance toward sanctimony and avarice. Crack cocaine and alcohol are the least of his problems. Unlike most we’ve known recovering from substance abuse illnesses, Mike has learned nothing.
3Careful folks. As written in the book of Holy Crap: Give Me Your Money, chapter 4, verses 1-8, daring to belittle such a humble servant of Baby Jesus might get us marshmallow-gooped.
4But now that I think about it, the only documented cases of gooping were the Ghostbusters.
So I’d be in purty good company.
Okay here goes.
Judging by the picture above. I’d highly recommend that any future pillow customers ensure that Mr Lindell did NOT put his personal stamp of approval on their own purchase. He looks entirely too affectionate with the one in the photo to be allowed access to bedding going out to the public.
Luckily, I like marshmallows.
That boy ain’t right!
5Dear Miss Juanita,
There is a union rule that media whores have to stick together. What else could explain the embrace of Trump by Suzanne Somers, the Kardashians, and others.
6The My Pillow guy has also been hit with a million dollar settlement over his bogus claims of health benefits for his pillows. And another lawsuit last year over his dishonest bogo promotion, which simply charged twice as much for the “bogo” pillow and gave you a “free” one. And if you read the Amazon reviews for his products, you find a lot of likely fakes plus a bunch which liked the pillows until they washed them (which he touts as something his pillows stand up to extremely well) and they got lumpy.
7I heard not all his pillows are made in the U.S.A., as he claims.
8I’d like to have everyone who claims that God chose Trump to be President also explain why God chose Obama to be President, twice, by a bigger margin.
9Don’t waste your money on his pillows. I was given one for Christmas last year and I tried sleeping on it for two weeks. It ended up in the Goodwill donation bag because it was so uncomfortable. Now that I know he spoke at CPAC, I really wouldn’t buy his pillow.
10The god Mr Pillow worships saw to it that Trump was elected President.
11Putin saw to it that Trump was elected President.
Therefore, Mr Pillow worshops Putin.
Sorry Mike, I recently bought my new pillow at (ack) WalMart and it’s just perfect. You have to get rid of them every couple years anyhow. (PS, my late husband insisted on pure down pillows, which I am using, they cost an arm and a leg and got flat within months but at least they are not lumpy.)
12… in my small town, the council approved the construction of a hideous behemoth that will be a car wash, a “christian’ book store and a chick fil A. Maybe they could also let space for a “my pillow”. Nobody I know will ever set foot in there.
13I would sleep on a rock before this guy (I am being really nice here) would get a penny from me. ANYONE who claims the orange maggot was placed by God would not get a penny from me.
14So, he gave up one kind of dope for a different dope? Where’s the improvement?
15I do not believe him. He is a grifter and jumping on “sell more pillows” bandwagon. He is a scumbag.
16