Occasionally you come upon a story that asks you to take the bait. You read a teaser and you know you should let it go, but something inside tells you to scratch that itch. The parents from the Uvalde shooting were in Washington trying to get something done on gun control. They were handing out pins. When it came to handing one to Lauren Boebert you could probably have predicted how well that would go.

There are any number of reasons why this story shouldn’t be told. The first and best reason is that this is exactly what she wants. She wants to be the center of attention. She wants a majority of the country to think she is a despicable person. It’s what trolls do. The second reason is that we know she would never vote for gun control anyway, so it really doesn’t impact our day to day lives any. It is just an excuse to become more aggrivated and upset. I wanted to throw out these two caveats before giving her exactly what she wants.

The parents of Maite Rodriguez made lapel pins of their daughter’s shoe for lawmakers to wear to honor her memory and urge them to act on her behalf and provided pamphlets asking lawmakers to act. As the story went, that was the only way they could identify her in the aftermath. Let’s be fair here. This is an obvious manipulation. Wearing the pin means you support common sense gun legislation. If you don’t and you still wear the pin then you are just being a liar to score cheap political points. What she should have done is graciously accept the pin, simply not wear it, and then discard it in her office or home.

Boebert can be clearly seen in video throwing the pin away within eyeshot of the families that were there. What she should do is be respectful of them. It’s a basic lesson we were all taught growing up. All of us have received gifts that were just hideous. We had the presence of mind and manners to say thank you and wait until we got home to discard the item.

It’s at this point where we have to move to idle speculation. Maybe Boebert wasn’t taught that growing up. We know she dropped out of school because she became a teenage mom. We know the hot water her husband and her got into earlier in life. We know her son impregnated a girl that she would only say “is older than 14.” Given all this, it is fair to ask what manners she was taught. When we consider her academic record it is also fair to say that she could have been taught but she just didn’t learn.

On the other hand, this may not be a question of manners. It may be a question of performance art. Socrates called himself a “gadfly” in Plato’s Republic and in other assorted works that described his life and work. Gadfly seems to highbrow for Boebert. We could instead call her an ass. In that world, whoever can say or do the most outlandish thing wins. Congratulations Lauren, you’ve won that label for today.

Everyone that has worked in industry would have had a ball if we had known about this invention. Apparently there is a group that will allow you to make your own bingo cards. Inside you can put certain catch phrases that we always hear in whatever industry we happen to work in. Just imagine the hilarity of hearing someone yell, “bingo!” in the middle of a staff meeting.

One of the games of conservative politics is the game of identity politics. Whatever you do, don’t run on your record. This is particularly true in Texas where Republicans have controlled statewide politics for 25 years. It’s kind of hard to saddle your problems on your opponents when they haven’t held statewide elected office this century.

So, you play identity politics. For Dan Patrick, your opponent isn’t Mike Collier. Collier is a mainstream Democrat that is hardly radical. At least he doesn’t have anything on his legislative resume that would scream radical. So, we tie him to every “dangerous” liberal we can think of in order to scare people from realizing that Republicans have done a perfectly good job of screwing up Texas on their own.

So, we link him to Joe Biden and his America. Let’s ignore that Biden inherited a nation where you could literally see the dumpster on fire. Let’s ignore that we have had record deficit reduction, job creation, and solid economic growth. Let’s ignore that COVID is now under control and the vast majority of the population got vaccinated in short order. Let’s ignore that our reputation around the world is coming back. Let’s forget about all of that. Mike Collier is not Joe Biden.

Then, we link him with AOC and “her Green New Deal”. Let’s forget two things immediately. First, let’s forget that most people couldn’t accurately tell you what’s actually in the Green New Deal. Secondly, let’s forget that the GOP can’t go three minutes without complaining about gas prices and our dependence on foreign oil. Yet, begin suggesting policies to move to alternative energy sources and you are a radical. Mike Collier is not AOC.

Then, we link him with Nancy Pelosi and California. Apparently, California is some kind of hell scape with zombies and the purge simultaneously coming to kill the residents there that haven’t already been radicalized. In actuality, they mentioned sanctuary cities, weak immigration policies, and cheap bail. Goodness knows we don’t want to be like those vegetable eating commies over there in California. They cannot produce quotes Collier of saying any of these things. He’s a Democrat. Nancy Pelosi is a Democrat. It must be so.

The candidate running against Lauren Boebert was so fed up in their debate about her mentioning Nancy Pelosi that he finally had to keep repeating his own name. This is Mike Collier. He’s running for Lieutenant Governor. Joe Biden isn’t running. Nancy Pelosi isn’t running. AOC isn’t running. I haven’t heard about “woke” policies, boys playing girls sports, or sanctuary cities, but if you had those on your bingo card you are today’s winner.

Two of my favorite songs on my playlist are “Vegetable Man” and “Scream Thy Last Scream” by Pink Floyd. They were not officially released until the last decade because the band didn’t want to make them available for public consumption. They represented a time in Syd Barrett’s life when he was in a really bad way. Roger Waters said that they were akin to showing naked pictures of an aging actress.

In a similar way, saying anything about the rise and fall of Hershel Walker feels wrong in many instances. You have someone that is very clearly not all there. You can’t know whether a former athlete has CTE until you do the final autopsy, but we are about as sure about this as we can of anyone that played in the NFL.

However, Walker represents something bigger than himself. Everything old is new again in politics. Those that know U.S. history remember learning about the Know Nothing Party. The similarities don’t just end with the name. The platform is also pretty similar when we consider the brand of conservative politicians coming out these days. Give those pre-Civil War guys Twitter and 24 hour news and I imagine they would have come up with something eerily similar.

What can we say about Walker? He said he graduated with honors from the University of Georgia. He didn’t graduate. He said he was in law enforcement. He wasn’t. He fathered multiple children out of wedlock. He didn’t tell us the truth about that. The children we do know about all seem to be coming out against him.

Finally, we get the news that he funded an abortion in 2009. Yet, this is where you get into a pickle if you are a true progressive. We want people to be able to have the choice to have an abortion. So, ultimately do we care whether he funded one? The quick and simple answer is that we don’t, but that isn’t really the point. The point is that you don’t get to run on a sanctimonious platform when you have entire collection of skeletons in the closet.

Watching conservatives fumble around with representatives and candidates that are clearly intellectually deficient is hilarious on one level, scary on another, and just pitiful on the rest. Whether it’s not knowing that “wanton” murder doesn’t refer to the soup found in Chinese restaurants or watching Walker be told that the lieutenant governor said something about him, watch him ask who the lieutenant governor was, be told who he was, and then ask what that guy was currently doing.

Commenting about such things is the true no win scenario. No one should make fun of half-wits. It would be akin to making fun of someone with a physical handicap. Yet, here we are and this is the field that the GOP has laid down before us. At some point we need to put the blame on the powers that be that parade these folks out there for us to exploit and laugh at. Laughing feels utterly awful, but at a certain point you just can’t help it.

It would be easy to do a drive by on something like this. It is just way too easy on so many levels. However, doing so presents a problem that is hard to ignore. However, first, we should probably do the payoff on the pun that you’ve been waiting for.

Good for her. pic.twitter.com/im3LDW3KYJ

— Ana Kasparian (@AnaKasparian) June 15, 2022

Again, this is way too easy and considering the wild rumors about Boebert that we have seen lately it makes the tweet that much more cringeworthy. The self-own is the cruelest own of all. However, this brings two very important points to the forefront. First, these rumors are unsubstantiated. Secondly, let’s pretend that even half of them are true. Let’s say she did get an abortion in her past. Is that really so bad given where we want the country to be on choice?

The go to response would be that she is the ultimate hypocrite and that is certainly true, but maybe she had a genuine change of heart. Maybe she had a genuine conversion experience. Maybe a lot of things. What is much more likely is that none of it is true. Heck, the Ted Cruz rumors are bizarre and disgusting quite frankly. Either way, while she certainly has invited this kind of behavior with her own, it also is fair to say she doesn’t deserve all of that.

However, when you own yourself like you do with the tweet above I suppose you get what you deserve. In this case, I suppose someone like Kasparian would better land a jab than anyone from the male population. So, I will let that fastball sail high and outside and wait for the next pitch. It’s just not a really good look for anyone involved. Cheap laughs are fun, but it’s hard to get around the fact that they are cheap.

If we could spare a moment for Kevin McCarthy. In many respects, he is like the manager at the fast food place on the night shift. The teenagers have gotten out of school and have taken over the shift. He’s not incredibly talented, have any real natural authority, but he’s the adult in the room.

Some men are born great. Others have greatness thrust upon them. Still others ride the magic coattails of mediocrity and are the last ones left standing. McCarthy was never distinguishable at any point in his Congressional tenure. Yet, when Paul Ryan decided that he had had enough and the kooks decided Liz Cheney was unworthy, he was the only one left. Congratulations.

Madison Cawthorn is not a remarkable character in this tale. He’s young. The fact that he sits in a wheelchair is the only thing that distinguishes him from a frat boy looking for his former glory. Cawthorn was on a video/podcast telling a captive host that the GOP is full of orgies and cocaine parties.

We’ve all had leaders like McCarthy before. Their leadership style can best be described as hands off and hoping for the best. I suppose that works when you are surrounded by other adults. That isn’t McCarthy. He finds himself surrounded by idiots making idiotic comments and embarrassing the caucus left and right. Of course, when you do nothing to inspire discipline you aren’t going to get it.

The rest of us get to imagine who Cawthorn may be talking about. Some in the GOP want him to name names. As satisfying as that might be, I think most of us could be spared the mental images involved. Consenting adults can do what they want in their own time. Most of us don’t want to know anything about it.

Yet, McCarthy is playing the politics of reaction. He talks to Cawthorn and tells him if he does something like this again then he will be compelled to warn him again. He’s done the same with Greene and Boebert. Maybe he could round all of them up along with Matt Gaetz (honestly, we know he’s the one Cawthorn is talking about) and put them in time out. On second thought, maybe that’s how this all got started in the first place.

Nobody goes to Washington completely selfless. Oh sure, everyone loves to talk about how they want to be a service to the people. Some will put on the humble pie act. Others will speak longingly about how they want to do the people’s business and make the lives of their constituents better. I’m sure a large part of them actually believes that.

At some point, they realize they have to gain more power to do the things they want to do. There are multiple ways to do this. The less ambitious bide their time. They actually work day to day for their constituents. They figure it will get them reelected and with every passing election they will gain more power. Such thoughts are so quaint.

A second kind comes in with big ideas. They gain notoriety quickly with those big ideas and it can be somewhat difficult to distinguish them from the glory hounds. Obviously, most people immediately think of AOC, but Bernie Sanders fits under that category as well. They usually don’t get what they want but they help steer the conversation in a productive way.

Then, there are the Thomas Massie’s of the world. John Pavlovitz already covered serious ground on the picture above. I’ve enjoyed his writing for some time, but I suspect he knows he has been used in this instance. Underneath the picture read the caption, “Santa, please bring ammo.” I suppose Massie could love his guns that much, but I suspect that John knows perfectly well that a love of guns wasn’t the point of this Christmas card.

This picture was about performative politics. It was about the fact that Matt Gaetz, Majorie Taylor Greene, and Lauren Boebert are getting all the headlines. How do you get yourself in there? Well, you take a picture days after a school shooting with timing so crass you can’t help but get your fifteen minutes of fame. Or should we say infamy? As Martin Short’s character in the Three Amigos said, “infamous means more than famous.” Well, Massie certainly qualifies. Except he’s bringing a butter knife to a gun fight. Greene, Gaetz, and Boebert are pros at this. They’ve made a living of getting people to know who they are without actually accomplishing anything.

That’s the difference between performative politics and what people like AOC do. They become famous and powerful and yet no one can name a single thing they’ve actually done or actually proposed. The idea is to own the liberals. Massie certainly won this round. He’s provoked outrage. He’s inspired a number of writers to condemn his stupidity. He’s dumb, but he’s not so dumb.