July 13, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized
For you people in foreign states, the good men and women of the Texas Hostile Territory Jade Helm Watch want to give you a ringside seat to the Apocalypse.
They have a Facebook page, including the YouTube of airplanes on July 4th and the Kileen Police Department preparing for house to house raids (apparently the police are in on this now, too).
Oh the good times have begun.
Welcome to The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.
My name is Susan DuQuesnay Bankston. I live in Richmond, Texas, in the heart of Tom DeLay's old district. It's nuttier than squirrel poop here.
I am honored and privileged to know Miss Juanita Jean Herownself, hairdresser extraordinary and political maven. Since she does not have time to fiddle with this internet stuff, I type her website for her and you can read it if you want to. If you don't, she truly does not give a big bear's butt.
A lot of what I post here has to do with local politics, but you probably have the same folks in your local government.
This ain't a blog. Blogs are way too trendy for me. This is a professional political organization.
Plenty of Jade Helm cartoons found here!
https://www.google.com/search?q=jade+helm+cartoons&rlz=1C1GGGE_enUS631US631&espv=2&biw=1066&bih=477&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0CB0QsARqFQoTCL34kMSp2MYCFU8qiAodJ3AODQ
1OMG. I was at our local pool yesterday, the one next to our airport, and I watched a WWI biplane take off. Jade Helm has started, y’all! The End Times!
2How about we just don’t go start wars? Would that be too radical?
3I wonder what they’ll all do when this excitement wears off. They’ll be so disappointed that it’s not the apocalypse, and they’ll have to find some other way to set their hair on fire.
4Texas is big and dry and hot and most places are a long way from other places. They gotta do something for excitement, so they go hang out with one another at Cabella’s and check out the various weapons under the 2nd Amendment signs. At least Cabella’s is air conditioned and there’s target practice for the kids. It’s a Tayuksis thang. As I looked at all the Jade Helm 15 cartoons, my memories went way back to hot, dry, Texas where everything is a long way away and what folks said during family get togethers, like “Uncle, can we go do target practice?”
5Where are the zombies?!!! You can’t have a decent Apocalypse without zombies.
Or do the Jade Helm conspiracists qualify?
6They’re certifiable! What’s all that Temple crap about? And complaining about the military being cut on a page where they’re supposedly “monitoring” the military because they’re “taking over Texas.”
7And do you think those Wal-Mart tunnels weren’t dug with the superior Mexican technology of “El Chapo” Guzman? Just one more proof of the inexorable march toward one world government…
8The Black UN helicopters have stealth capability so IF you don’t hear or see a helicopter one is nearby.
9Temple stuff was very confusing – I guess they have special cows that are going to Israel?
Oh wait – I was trying to make sense of the facebook page.
My bad
10Can anybody here wait until the movie comes out starring Randy Quaid? I would bet my Social Security on this! I’m guess estimating a time line of about 2 years. However, 10 to 1 no Hollywood types will be allowed in Bastrop inasmuch as they are soshulist libs. So someplace in California is gonna be a stand-in for the set. Maybe Michael Moore will produce and direct!
11maggie,Quaid is a fugitive living in Canada. You might want to re-cast your movie. 🙂
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3088351/Bearded-unkept-Randy-Quaid-released-Canadian-immigration-jail-following-claims-victim-conspiracy-kill-Hollywood-stars.html
12Just another conspiracy to keep me from my Texas BBQ! Let me know when things calm down so I can get me some Brisket!
13Dear Miss Juanita,
I went to the Facebook page. Did you see their tagline? “Master the Human Domain” Don’t they have Seinfeld in Texas? Or is that what they are doing?
14Please tell me that not everyone in Bastrop is the product of a long line of inbreeding or was dropped on his/her head as an infant. Why, oh why, don’t the more intelligent among the residents get together and make a statement saying that the Jade Helm dodobirds do not represent a majority of the population … if that’s true?
15@ Rhea:
“I wonder what they’ll all do when this excitement wears off. They’ll be so disappointed that it’s not the apocalypse, and they’ll have to find some other way to set their hair on fire.”
Oh, no no no, Rhea. They will just pat themselves on the back and crow about how their vigilance and their staying on this story 24/7 for the last 2 months made the Big Bad Guvmint back down. Aren’t they clever? They saved us all!
At least that will be their story and they’ll stick with it.
You’re right about one thing, though. They WILL find something new to set their hair on fire about. I’m guessing it will come around election time when they swear that Obama is planning on nullifying the vote and staying in power. Wait for it – – – – –
Once Obama’s out of office, though, they’ll find it more difficult. Unless a woman president is enough of one of THOSE people to get them all in a sweat. Again.
16They are seriously deranged. Spoiling for trouble. And armed to the teeth. Seems to me like a recipe for disaster. I am glad I am not in Texas this week.
17The combination of paranoia and the natural desire of yarners/storytellers to tell a bigger one than the guy before sure does cause some serious idiocy.
It may be partly because Blue Bell is still not providing our summer calm-down this year. Seriously–depriving Texans of any political persuasion of Blue Bell ice cream and sherbets in the summertime is a serious strain on Texan sanity, even the sanity of us liberals. Blue Bell IS summer in this house. We are making do with Dreyer’s (what the local store carries) but it is not the same. Not the same at all. I’ve found myself swatting nonexistent flies and waking up sure that I hear a Blue Bell truck approaching from Brenham…only to roll over and moan in dismay.
The Tea Partyers were crazy enough already, but now, without Blue Bell’s summer flavors, they’re probably twice as bad as usual.
18Craig Waters, that was a good catch!
And by the way, Killeen is adjacent to, and almost entirely dependent on Ft. Hood. If you want to go somewhere to bash the U.S. Army, Killeen is NOT the place.
19I have friends in Bastrop. They just throw up their hands in dismay. But it’s great movie material. Or a novel a la Evanovich. Why don’t we have any spoof mystery writers in Tayuksis? I like to read, dang it.
20But Marge, you *do*!! Ben Rehder, writer from Austin. Does a couple of series, the Blanco County mysteries and the Roy Ballard series. Both are huge fun. Trust me, as Texans, you have met *all* of Ben’s characters at one time or another. I totally love his books and highly recommend them.
And yes, he’d be *brilliant* at writing up the Jade Helm conspiracy. 🙂
21Well, I just slogged on over to Jade Helm’s facebook page and omg! As much as I could see without friending them was pretty horrific. Ambulances. Trucks. Helicopters, fergoshsakes! What IS the world coming to?!?
Here’s my question, though. With a mission statement of, “The goal is to prepare&inform Americans for the invasion&collapse of America this year in 2015! This is a new page updating the developments on Jade Helm,” why are these jokers sitting in front of their computers? Why aren’t they in the Texas Outback putting those hard-earned survival skills they paid so much money for to use? Hacking brush. Erecting tee-pees. Cooking emergency rations over campfires.
Well, no. I’m guessing they can’t be bothered. Even the uber-paranoid folks of Jade Helm persuasion know their own panic is a game – – – so they sit home typing and spreading rumors. Because Obama. Or something.
22Thank you, Kay Carrasco! I thought SURELY no author with a goofy sense of humor would miss out on all the potential in a state the size of Texas. Do yoiu know Rehder, I mean, so you could say hey Ben, how about doing one on Jade Helm 15? I can see the characters already, can’t you?
23from a link online:
24Ben Rehder wanted to become a writer ever since he was dropped on his head as a toddler.
Like O said: Beware the Ides of July!
25Get those tinfoil hats on real quick now!
26BTW, if no invasion occurs, what’s to stop these clowns from claiming they stopped it?
27Well, heck, maybe they will. I mean, we don’t have any baboons in our living room either, which proves that being a Democrat guarantees no baboons in living rooms.
28Who planted the Claviceps purpurea in their fields?
29I checked out the FB page. I did not learn anymore about the Temple Institute and red heifers. I was afraid to Google that. I am fairly sure however if a large number of Israeli Jews showed up in a small town in Texas, it would not go well. They tend to not look like your Texans from several generations ( I did not want to say inbreeding). I bet they would want the army to help them with that invasion. You really want to feel bad about mass paranoia but this incident is pretty entertaining. Maybe the army can “crop dust” with some psych meds and calm them down.
30Here’s just hoping that none of our local dumba$$es force servicemebers into a game of cowboys and dumba$$es.
31I love all this research! And what about possibility of Lyme disease or just plain old PTSD or hysteria?
32epo, OK. Then Jack Nicholson. You know. Somebody who can really be scary.
33So, the President is landing in Denison, Texas on Wednesday (OMG) and then visiting Durant and the Choctaw Nation. He’s speaking at Durant High School. No one I’ve spoken with is quite sure why he’s coming to Durant, but Choctaw Nation elections were this past Saturday and I think the Chief is in the loop.Looks like Chief Batton got re-elected by a large margin. Interesting to read the hate, hate, hate comments on the local TV station’s websites. I ready about the President’s visit first in the Tulsa newspaper and some of the comments there were truly horrendous. There have been military planes checking out the Durant area for a couple of weeks and helicopters have been practicing and landing at the Durant High School where the President is going to be speaking. Trust the Secret Service is truly on their game. This is enemy territory for the most part. The last time a President visited Durant was I believe 1905 when President Roosevelt stopped with the Katy train. Of course this is all a front so that the President can be in the area when Jade Helm takes over Texas. Yep.
34I do hope that they are checking the names of those on that FB Page and getting ready to go get their guns…
These are exactly the crazy people that shouldn’t have guns…
35How to become a self-fulfilling prophecy in one easy step: the government is coming to take our guns – to arms!
36Solution: have an electrical outage for about 50 square miles. That’ll take care of all the computer and facebook updates. No problem for the military because they, of course, have generators with them.
Ta Dah!
37After reading these posts it is very tempting to go out and snatch a new Fb page purporting to represent a Committee aimed at helping President Obama locate his post-Presidential Library in Durant. Or maybe Bastrop.
38I probably shouldn’t say this, but I keep thinking about how wonderful it would be for every nut case in Texas who has spoken out about the “Jade Helm conspiracy” to end up
39captured by the military and marched off to an internment camp until the operation is over. Let the old buzzards sit it out behind razor wire . . . . . no guns, no cell phones,no computers, no Facebook, no Twitter, no YouTube, no Fox news, no teevee, no radio.
Is it true that Chapo Guzman was released from prison so that he could personally lead the takeover of Texas? A portion to his cartel and the rest to the Obamanator. Plus, all our guns are to taken away and sent to ISS (or whatever it’s called).
Lordy, lordy I’m glad I’ve got lots of ammo, beef jerky, and Wild Turkey stocked up. Even got a nice tinfoil hat too.
40Gotta be the heat. Combine that with the lack of Blue Bell… and it’s even crazier than usual in Texas.
41this stuff would be silly if it weren’t so stupid!
42PKM, Claviceps purpurea, a new thing I learned about this morning. Interesting. Thank you. I’m sure that explains it.
43Ellen Childress says:
July 13, 2015 at 10:54 pm
… every nut case in Texas who has spoken out about the “Jade Helm conspiracy” to end up captured by the military and marched off to an internment camp until the operation is over. Let the old buzzards sit it out behind razor wire . . . . .
Behind a fence, sure, but each one of them should be in “solitary”.
I envision the ‘camp’ as having small individual enclosures for each wingnut, with a little hut for shelter, like a ‘rooster ranch’.
Here in South Texas you often see, out in the rural areas, cock-fighting ranches where there is a field with dozens/hundreds of those little enclosures and small hut with a fighting rooster in each one.
Only difference here is that these old RWNJ roosters are long past their prime.
We could start a rumor too, that they’re being fattened up in the camp to be processed into some “Caldo de Pollo”:
44https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caldo_de_pollo . For export of course.
No matter what, Bastrup or Killeen will come out on top: if nothing happens (of course), it’s because those fake US soldiers got scared, or if something DOES happen, well then, they were right there, too. And then they will ask for crowdfunding and invite Joel Osteen to set up a ginormous tent to bless them all.
45@AKLynne
46I JUST caught that Claviceps purpurea comment. That ole PKM is a sly dogge aint he?? So maybe these folk got them some of that lysergic acid synthesis precursor action goin’ eh?? Sure splains a lot!
Obama might confuse Bastrop with backstraps, Then where would Texans be? Cooking in de big black pot. That’s where.
47@Captain Dave
48All I could add to your fine list is inspired by my favorite movie, that unappreciated classic, Zombieland, to wit: “Gotta enjoy the little things. Right now its a Vortec 6 liter V8, a box full of hollow points and lord willing a Twinkie!”
Micr-where would Zombieland be if it was filmed when them damn commie unions put Twinkies out of bidness?
49@EPO
50So true about how the commie unions spent all the baking conglomerate’s money and made the conglomerate unable to profitably make and sell its product. Very sad.