Fox News Host Jesse Watters takes the Grand Prize.

He was on Hannity’s show and they were discussing what Hannity calls the pee-pee tape, a subject Hannity seems not only obsessed on, but also a tad too comfortable talking about. You know, like he has some area of expertise.

Anyway, Watters says he knows the pee-pee tape is not true.  And how does he know?

You kinda have to prepare yourself for his answer.  So, take a deep breath.

Watters explains …

“And you know it’s not true because if someone pees in the bed, where are you going to sleep?” interjected Watters. “Where are you going to sleep?”

The other guest, Democrat Jessica Tarlov, does a double take, pauses for a minute looking at Watters to see if there’s any sign of life, and responds, “I don’t think he’s having a sleepover with them.”

Watters insisted, “It’s obviously not true, that doesn’t make any sense.”

Tarlov looks at him like he’s a first grader. “I think it’s transactional,” said Tarlov. “I don’t think it’s a cuddlefest.”

Don’t you wonder if he and his wife have hot sleep?

Aren’t you glad you know me?  Otherwise this event would have totally escaped your world.

Thanks to Bubba for the heads up.

For those (like me) who couldn’t stomach watching Cheeto Jesus stumble through an hour and a half of Trumpisms, here’s the Best Review in the History of the Western World of Presidential Speeches.  It starts with the above line and just gets better.  Highly recommended.  Enjoy, if you can.

Tune in tomorrow for more Tales From The Swamp.

I want to say one damn thing: I am so glad we have Adam Schiff on our team.

And I am terribly afraid of this damn president.

UPDATE:  this is the damnest thing I’ve seen all week, which is saying something.

MSNBC’s Pete Williams reported on Thursday that House Republicans could read a controversial classified memo on the House floor without declassifying it to prevent the FBI, which has opposed the disclosure, from giving a full-throated rebuttal.

The House rules say they can disclose publicly any information that’s been classified,” he continued. “That doesn’t declassify it technically. It just makes it public. Only the executive branch can declassify. So, the FBI’s hands would be tied in terms of how they can respond.”

I’d rather insult a tiger while having two pork chops in my back pocket than trust Devin Nunes.

This memo could include the Trump video from the Russian hotel room and I wouldn’t believe that either because … Nunes.

Thanks to SGray for the update heads up.

Here’s the question of the hour:  Was Ben Carson always a damn crook or did he just become that way under Trump’s influence?

It strongly appears that Carson used his position to allow his family to gain a lucrative government contract.

Carson was warned not to take his family along on “listening tours” because it might seem that it would be a conflict of interest.  Carson did not heed the warning and even allowed his son to make inappropriate follow-up calls to the tour.

The officials also told Cruciani [HUD’s deputy general counsel] that Carson Jr. and his wife asked that Seema Verma, administrator of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, be invited.

A little less than three months later, according to federal records, CMS awarded a $485,000 contract to the consulting company Myriddian, whose chief executive is Merlynn Carson. Carson Jr. identifies himself online as one of Myriddian’s board members. The contract was awarded without a competitive bidding process, federal records show, although a CMS spokesman said multiple minority-owned firms were considered.”

It’s a complicated story but it results in family ties being stronger than that portrait of Carson with Jesus.  Carson’s wife, son, and daughter-in-law accompany him almost everywhere.  To their credit, he hasn’t gotten lost recently.

Thanks to SGray for the heads up.

You just thought that the Amtrak train carrying congressional Republicans rammed a garbage truck killing one and injuring others.  That didn’t happen at all.  What REALLY happened was that a cement truck, a big KAMIKAZE cement truck, RAMMED the train to kill Paul Ryan and others on the train.  The reliable source for this blockbuster story?  That’s right, it’s Alex Jones of sending-children-to-Mars-to-enslave-them fame.  That’s right, within a few hours of the tragic accident, Jones had determined that it was an attack on conservatives.  Jesus, this guy needs more drugs.

Y’all need to quit pestering me about Trey Gowdy not running for re-election.  I am very busy right now dancing on the table tossing glitter every which a way.