Well, there goes something that would have warmed my heart.

Kris Kobach, current Kansas Secretary of State and former chairman of Trump’s now defunct Advisory Commission on Election Integrity, has made a ruling that a dog cannot run for Governor of Kansas.

The Kansas Secretary of State’s Office says Angus cannot serve as the state’s governor. While there is nothing specifically written that says a dog cannot run to lead the state, the secretary state’s office says man’s best friend is not capable of serving the responsibilities required of the governor.

I’m not saying this is dirty politics or anything but, Kobach has announced that he’s running for Governor.  I think he’s afraid the dog would beat him.  I mean, tis sweet dog has never said anything incredibly dumb or destroyed a whole Integrity Commission.  And part of the dog’s platform is that he has a “completely anti-squirrel agenda.”  I think Kobach took that personally.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

And coming to you from western Pennsylvania …

A pastor in western Pennsylvania is speaking out after being accused of open lewdness and indecent exposure after being caught by police with a bound naked man in a car parked on a public street.

No, no, wait, seriously. It was totally innocent.

The pastor, 61-year-old George Nelson Gregory of Munhall, Pa., tells KDKA-TV in Pittsburgh, “I was counseling a young man with a drug problem.”

“It did turn strange, but it wasn’t my doing, OK? And I was adamant that I’m not participating in that way. And so that’s when the police pulled up, and they assume things, but I’m standing by my story. It’s not true.”

Strange? Nah, it happens everyday for a pastor to be in a car with a bound nakkid young man on a public street in full view of nearby homes, for, you know, counseling.  No, I’m serious. It does.

Get a room, dude.  At least they have Gideon Bibles there.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

Okay, so the Attorney General of the whole damn United States of America, Jeff Sessions, stood on his two feet way up on his tippie-toes  and praised sheriffs.

“The office of sheriff is a critical part of the Anglo-American heritage of law enforcement. We must never erode this historic office. I know this, you know this, we want to be partners, we don’t want to be bosses, we want to strengthen you and help you be more effective in your work,” Sessions told the National Sheriffs’ Association.

And I suspect he’s damn right.

But, here’s the fun part.

In an earlier version of the speech released by the Justice Department early Monday, the phrase “Anglo American” was not included. “The Sheriff is a critical part of our legal heritage,” did appear.

So he got up in that room filled with good ole white boys and felt it was only fitting to mention that bygawd sheriffs are mostly white boys.

(Heavy sigh.) No, it’s not enough for Jeff to be white. He wants to be neon white.

Thanks to Propane Jane for the heads up.

Okay, so a guy who had his fourth DWI conviction says the DWI laws in Texas are discriminatory because the discriminate against … yeah, alcoholics.

Ralph Alfred Friesenhahn argued that the state’s driving limit of 0.08 blood-alcohol concentration ignores the higher tolerances that frequent drinkers have to the effects of liquor, allowing the “protected class of alcoholics” to be prosecuted without having to prove that they had lost control of their mental or physical abilities.

Friesenhahn was arrested after a single-car rollover accident along a rural Comal County road south of New Braunfels. Blood tests later indicated that he had an alcohol concentration of 0.29 — more than 3½ times the legal limit.

Honey, when you’re triple drunk, it’s probably best not to act all cute.  You need to shuddup and learn to walk a line while poopfaced.

Shockingly, even in Texas the courts said nope.  You cannot drink and drive in Texas because somebody might get hurt.  You can, however, drink and carry a gun.  A big gun if you want to.  So, there’s always that.

Devin Nunes opened his own “News” website.  Yeah, the News from Nunes.  So, that’s what you now call whatever it is you find up Trump’s patootie?  News?

Nunes, who wins the Sneakiest Dumb Sumbitch on the face of the planet, didn’t want people to know that he was the sole owner, founder, typist, and headline writer at this “news” site.

Politico reported Sunday morning that a website called the “California Republican,” which was billed as a news website, was paid for by Nunes’ campaign. A line at the bottom of the cached page reads, “Paid for by the Devin Nunes Campaign Committee.”

Oops.  Well, I’d let you go look at it but, Honey, you’d have a better chance of seeing the Democratic Memo.

After the Politico report, Devin’s “site went offline, with a message on its Facebook page claiming that the website was the victim of an “attack” on its servers.”

That’s a real nice way of saying that it was run by a nincompoop.

Anyway, here’s the part you’re gonna love …

“Nunes’ office refused to comment on the website to Politico until the news organization “retracts its multitude of fake stories on Congressman Nunes.”

Apparently, fake news wants an apology from fake news about fake news.

I cant take much more of this, y’all.

Uh, y’all, when things get bad, the religious zealots get … well, freekin’ nuts.

While commenting on President Donald Trump’s very public support for Christianity, as well as the frequent Bible studies and prayer gatherings held at the White House, evangelical Pastor Paul Begley said first lady Melania Trump demanded that the White House be spiritually cleansed and that pagan, demonic items and artificats from the Obama and Clinton years be removed.

Yeah, see, the story goes that during the five hours between the time the Obamas left and Trump moved in, Melania had the White House exorcized of evil.

“… all kinds of idol gods and images and all kinds of artifacts in there that were demonic, even some of the stuff from the Clinton era because they were really tied in with the Haitians.”

Look, I’m not saying that the exorcism didn’t work and that it, in fact, got worse, but how the hell else are you going to explain these Trump Christmas decorations?

Y’all, that’s some devil stuff.  If I see that stuff, I am running the other way.

The article also says that Melania is a Catholic and Trump says he’s a Presbyterian.  Hell, Trump can’t even spell Presbyterian.