You know how when somebody tells you something really funny about somebody else — how you can never again in your whole life look at that second person without laughing?  You don’t want to, but you cannot, for even a million dollars cash American money, not laugh.

We have guy here in town who shaved his head.  Black men can shave their heads and look handsome.  White men cannot.  A year ago, a  friend leaned over to me in a meeting where this man was speaking and said, “You know with that shaved head he looks just like a giant talking dinky.”  That would not have been funny if she had not been totally, positively, absolutely right.  He indeed did look like that.  For a year now, I have not been able to look at that guy straight in the eye.  And I see him pretty often.  I have to kinda hang my head when he’s in the room, like I’m crippled-up or something because I cannot look at him without laughing.  It has ruined my life.

Momma, I am sorry for talking like this.  I know you do not like dinky talk.  I know, I know, ladies don’t talk like that and you raised me better than that.  But, since I’m going to hell anyway for saying what I’m fixing to say, I just decided to shoot for the whole shebang.

Two customers here at the salon, Sharon and her friend Nancy, have also ruined my life.

I know full well that this is rude, crude and socially unacceptable, but if she becomes First Lady and I’m invited to the White House, I cannot look at her.

And now, neither can you.

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Thank you Sharon and Nancy for ruining my life. And making me go to hell.  I was on the path of righteousness until you pointed out that she indeed does look like an inflatable doll.

I should be ashamed of myself.  And I am.